“Where You Left Them” is the podcast from dadhugsforyoursoul, the relationship repair and self-help phenomenon run by Harry on social media, with tens of millions of views each month.
dadhugsforyoursoul has helped thousands of people to solve their painful relationships, walk away from the wrong partner situations and - most of all - build themselves up with practical advice they can carry into more fruitful relationships in the future.
“Where You Left Them” makes those relationship stories and Harry’s advice even more real. This podcast gives you honest stories - extraordinary stories - and shares Harry’s insights, live.
Meet Trina, a single mother of two, preparing to send her second daughter to University and facing an empty nest. It’s a big life change, and Trina faces a sudden new onslaught of loneliness. But is that all that's going on?
Disillusioned with dating apps, and feeling like she's “always the one who gets dumped”, Trina's about to make some big life decisions - with some challenging consequences. How will she fill the space left by her daughter? She's certainly not ready to give up on love, but at what cost? Listen to find out.
As we always say, if you’re having relationship problems, going through a relationship breakup or experiencing heartbreak then know this first: we are with you. Because you can and will survive, heal and thrive. Everyone who appears on our podcast can take positive steps forward, and so can you.
Big Hug
We asked you: What's the immediate, cast-iron green flag that gives you good vibes on a first date? Emma wants a man with a sense of humour who doesn't take himself too seriously and what she called "a smiley eye". Or possibly two. Harry looks for kindness - you can judge a lot about someone by the way they treat service staff and the people around them - and Harry is watching for that! What about you?
This week Emma will be testing EMDR, also known as bilateral music. This is part of the toolkit in our packs and helps reduce anxiety and regulate the nervous system. Tune in on Tuesday to see how she got on.
This is a really quick one: splashing cold water on your face at a time of anxiety. Listen to Harry's explanation on the podcast for more information.
Do you have a suggestion for a healing tool you like? Tell us here
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Trina has engaged a massive act of self destruction. Her relationship with her daughter is poisoned forever. The lad is having a sexual adventure and the ‘relationship’ is going nowhere - I think everyone agrees on that. But why? This act of hatred. For her daughter, for herself? I even suspect she has written in to crow about it - to use this platform as a witness to her exciting adventure, to her ‘alluring sexual enigma’ in the face of her plummeting self esteem. Her dissociation from reality and herself is mythic.
Personally I think she needs to tell her daughter - why? Because it will come out - without a doubt. The lad will be telling everyone and someone will tell her daughter. I’ve seen something similar happen with a friend of mine - years after the incident - everything came out and it’s an absolute car crash.
Couldn’t sleep last night, so I ended up binge-listening to the podcast. Harry, you’re pretty likeable—but I’ve got to say, I LOVE Emma! 🤣 The whole Trina situation? Just… wow. Thanks for having the decency to share her side of things.
„I love her of course.” Proceeds to sleep with her boyfriend. „I feel dreadful and guilty of course. But it’s also amazing.” Of course, Trina. Of course. It’s not the first time I wonder if the myth of parental love does more bad than good to our mental health… It seems that the daughter will learn the hard way that her mother is just a human, and not a very loving one. And I hope she will learn that as soon as possible and not from her mother’s mouth - discovering the betrayal is enough, no need to listen to culprit’s excuses and manipulations. I know it sounds harsh but as Jennifer said in her brilliant comment here, the daughter deserves the dignity of reality, she deserves the truth as a foundation for her future life. I do not agree with the „don’t tell her, it’s a nobody wins here situation” approach - to know who really cares about you and who you can really trust is a big win. And as sad as it sounds, it’s worth the pain. So my advice to Trina is: Go full on with the relationship! You and him are clearly made for each other with that amazing sex and similar morals. And don’t tell your daughter. Why should you trouble your pretty head with such difficult thing? You told everyone you love her - that should do it, right? Right?!
As relationships go this is a complete disaster! If Trina hasn't already ditched the boyfriend then she needs to do it immediately. He is a huge risk to what is already a difficult relationship with her daughter. Somehow Trina must get through to him the life-long danger to her daughter's future, even though she is sad to lose the trysts with him that she has clearly enjoyed thus far. It is for her to judge if he can be expected to keep confidentiality - personally I doubt if he is at all trustworthy. If Trina watches his reactions carefully, she will know whether she has to bite the bullet and tell her daughter herself of the terrible betrayal they have both committed. I have always thought the 'coming clean' thing is a way for the perpetrator to assuage their guilt, but in this situation it may be necessary. He may want to let all the cats out of the bag in fury at being dumped by this older woman. What a terrible mess Trina has made; I hope she can now deal with the fallout of it in an - um, grown-up manner.
Agreed!! Screw the balanced view - Trina (I’m not even sorry if you’re reading this Trina, you need harsh truths!) should be walked through the centre of town, game of thrones style, while people point at her and yell “Shame! Shame!”
AMEN sister🤣🤣Trina has really shagged her relationship with her daughter & I’d but a million bucks on the fact he’s already told his mates the minute he got out the door…..bloomin awful…
Too late for Trina, there is NO WAY in hell a 24yr old hasn’t already told his mates. Absolute nightmare & I personally watched someone I knew do exactly the same thing & it broke the family apart, so destructive, selfish & down right catastrophic for the daughter. The young girl I knew in this situation went on to have a chaotic 10years afterwards, isolated from her family because of mental health/drug & alcohol issues etc etc. Someone needs to swoop in & wrap some loving/caring arms around this young girl before the same thing happens-I hope she has a another POSITIVE older family member that can do this. Trina pull your sh*t together & get yourself to therapy asap & priororitise being a parent FIRST……..it will take a mountain of family therapy to sort this mess out if you’re daughter is even willing after this absolute betrayal of a primary care giver….
Dear Trina. NO don’t tell your daughter. Finish things immediately with the young man. You have got yourself into a real mess here where so many people can get badly hurt.
Absolutely not. Telling her daughter may take away some of the guilt, but would totally break their relationship for ever, and destroy her daughter. Stop whatever is going on straight away, tell him to end it with the daughter and prat to god it never gets out. Totally wrong, whatever Trina is feeling about herself, this was never the right option.
Am I the only one that thinks Trina is actually an Avoidant with narcissistic characteristics?
Oh my goodness, what an earth is Trina got herself into. I'm actually gobsmacked how she thinks this is appropriate behaviour, has she no morals? Trina is in her 50's and quite clearly knows the difference between right and wrong, this will destroy the relationship with her daughter. I think the mother is quite clearly jealous of her daughter, And as Harry and Emma have said the mother may be a hottest but I think the daughter is one too. There's no excuse for what Trina has done to her daughter whether she's having a mid life crisis or not.
Boundaries lady!! Shame on you!
I myself can understand what Trina was feeling because I started a situationship with a 22 year old right after my divorce. I was 59 at the time and needed validation in the worst way and he gave it to me. It was incredible and I was his first and we weren’t hurting anyone. Trina!! I don’t care how bad your relationship is with your daughter and how much validation you needed that was morally wrong. Trina will regret that forever once she puts her pants back on. I believe the kindest thing to do for her daughter is end this situationship and never tell her. No one wins out of this so don’t make it worse.
WTF Trina?!!! Bless Harry and Emma for giving a balanced view, but for me this one is totally unforgivable. I have a teenage daughter and appreciate how difficult that relationship can be at times. However, I would do anything to protect my girl and cannot fathom what would make a mother behave this way. It seems incredibly narcissistic.
Agreed!! Screw the balanced view - Trina (I’m not even sorry if you’re reading this Trina, you need harsh truths!) should be walked through the centre of town, game of thrones style, while people point at her and yell “Shame! Shame!”
Listened to it - LOVE Emma, love the dynamic between you both. But rang incoming!!
I think you were both far too gentle on Trina!! She didn’t just make a mistake. She’s destroyed the foundation of trust between a mother and daughter, which is one of the most fundamental relationships there is. Sleeping with your teenage daughter’s boyfriend isn’t just poor judgment, it’s a deliberate act of betrayal. It’s one of the lowest, most self-serving choices a parent can make. It’s predatory, it’s selfish, and it shows zero respect for her daughter as a human being.
The idea that her daughter shouldn’t be told because it would “cause pain” is absurd!! The pain has already been caused by what Trina chose to do. Shielding the truth only protects Trina’s image, not her daughter’s wellbeing. Her daughter deserves the dignity of reality, no matter how ugly, so she can make informed choices about both her boyfriend and her mother going forward. Keeping it secret isn’t about protecting the daughter, it’s about protecting Trina from having to face the fallout of her own actions. Her daughter deserves to know that two of the closest people in her life conspired behind her back. To hide that truth is just another betrayal layered on top of the first.
If you cheat with your own kid’s partner, you don’t get the privilege of secrecy.
WTF Trina?!!! Bless Harry and Emma for giving a balanced view, but for me this one is totally unforgivable. I have a teenage daughter and appreciate how difficult that relationship can be at times. However, I would do anything to protect my girl and cannot fathom what would make a mother behave this way. It seems incredibly narcissistic.