“Where You Left Them” is the podcast from dadhugsforyoursoul, the relationship repair and self-help phenomenon run by Harry on social media, with tens of millions of views each month.
dadhugsforyoursoul has helped thousands of people to solve their painful relationships, walk away from the wrong partner situations and - most of all - build themselves up with practical advice they can carry into more fruitful relationships in the future.
“Where You Left Them” makes those relationship stories and Harry’s advice even more real. This podcast gives you honest stories - extraordinary stories - and shares Harry’s insights, live.
In this week’s story, we meet Clive, a widower of eight years. When Pippa gives him her number, he puts his reservations to one side and bravely chooses to step back into dating life. What unfolds is a long way from what he expected - and it throws him into a very different world.
If you’re having relationship problems, going through a relationship breakup or experiencing heartbreak then know this first: we are with you and you can and will survive, heal and thrive.
Listen to the audio version on Deezer, Spotify and Apple Podcasts - watch the full eps on YouTube - head to the socials (search dadhugsforyoursoul) and have your say too!
We’ll see how complicated life can be for everyone. We’ll see that there’s always hope. And we’ll see that there’s a lesson in every story for our own lives.
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Late to the party here as I’ve only just discovered Harry on Facebook followed by the podcast. Catching up from the start seeing as I’m not toooo far behind…
I wanted to comment anyway, as you said you’d update on how Clive is doing in a few months’ time, so it’s obviously going to remain on your radar which is lovely.
Clive, go to Scotland! Physical space from what you’re used to will be a good change. New surroundings, beautiful scenery, being in nature. Go and explore. And breathe. I liked the idea in the podcast that sometimes we do just need a rest from it all.
Take the No Contact pack to work through while you’re away. What better way to do it than removing yourself from the familiar surroundings where it all happened, to go away and focus on your self. You deserve this.
Whilst in Scotland, or better still before you even go, find and reach out to groups you can join, places you can go and things you can do with others. Contact local walking/painting/book club groups. Go along to the nearest parkrun (you can walk it, there are always people who walk plus a tail walker volunteer who will always be happy to chat whilst walking) but post on their fb page first to say you’ll be going along and ask if anyone will meet, it’s super friendly and people usually chat beforehand and stop for coffee afterwards. Basically discover that there are other humans in the world besides Pippa and lots of them are actually friendly, welcoming and will value you for exactly who you are :)
I hope it all works out xxx
Thank you so much - and I want to meet your Golden! haha x
Milo says he could probably find a window for you.
Excellent zoom yesterday. Love your repartee, your serious messages get across to us all yet you manage to keep it light and entertaining. Emma - yesterday I was able to listen again to some songs I love for the first time since before the walking disaster arrived in my life and after the 'loving' me bit. Just a few hours later, still glowing from my recovery progress, there you are coining the phrase 'Reclaim Your Music'. You really are magical! And Harry - my Golden Retriever has 15 GR friends who all run amok on the beach, playing games, sharing sniffs, aged from a few months to fifteen years, and scarcely a raised eyebrow between them. They epitomise all the best 0f dog traits ... unless you want a guard dog in which case you have chosen to love the wrong breed! Every visitor is very welcome, whether friend or stranger.
Thank you so much - and I want to meet your Golden! haha x
Excellent zoom yesterday. Love your repartee, your serious messages get across to us all yet you manage to keep it light and entertaining. Emma - yesterday I was able to listen again to some songs I love for the first time since before the walking disaster arrived in my life and after the 'loving' me bit. Just a few hours later, still glowing from my recovery progress, there you are coining the phrase 'Reclaim Your Music'. You really are magical! And Harry - my Golden Retriever has 15 GR friends who all run amok on the beach, playing games, sharing sniffs, aged from a few months to fifteen years, and scarcely a raised eyebrow between them. They epitomise all the best 0f dog traits ... unless you want a guard dog in which case you have chosen to love the wrong breed! Every visitor is very welcome, whether friend or stranger.
Hi Harry and Emma, I have just started listening to your podcasts over Spotify, and about to start the first 'Clive' story. Just to say you've both made me smile during my first week of no contact and I am taking on board the advice and reassurance you are offering. Keep up the great work, and I look forward to hearing more. To add, as a fellow north easterner I am enjoying the familiar tone and humour of Harry, great teamwork!
I think the challenge for Clive in going to Scotland is that, if he is reticent to do his own emotional work, he will be postponing the inevitable. In other words, Scotland will be a temporary stop in the toxicity of the relationship with Pippa. One tool I would give to Clive is this: When you feel that urge to reach out, reach inward, and ask: "What need am I trying to fill by contacting Pippa? If Pippa was no longer an option, what would I be doing to meet this need in myself?"
My personal challenge is loneliness, so answering this question is very difficult for me. Recently, I said to my therapist, "It's not like I can clone myself and make two of me to be less lonely," and she said, "Well, have you thought about asking - what does Jill want right now? What would Jill like? Hear me out - if you were to call Jill on the phone, what would she suggest?" So I'm leaning into that. It is a whole lot harder than it sounds, and I feel ridiculous for sharing. Anyway, just a suggestion.
Thank you for your comment Jill and it's not ridiculous to share: that's such a good way to approach things. I myself spoke out loud in the third person to myself last week when I had a really horribly difficult situation to face. It is so helpful. Hugs to you xx
I think Clive should go to Scotland. He said it's usually him that goes back. And if he's far away then logistically it'll be difficult for him to just go to see her, and if he did the 30 No Contact pack as well he might grow emotionally and maybe meet someone else, in Scotland, or a year later when he's healed a bit more.
I think the challenge for Clive in going to Scotland is that, if he is reticent to do his own emotional work, he will be postponing the inevitable. In other words, Scotland will be a temporary stop in the toxicity of the relationship with Pippa. One tool I would give to Clive is this: When you feel that urge to reach out, reach inward, and ask: "What need am I trying to fill by contacting Pippa? If Pippa was no longer an option, what would I be doing to meet this need in myself?"
My personal challenge is loneliness, so answering this question is very difficult for me. Recently, I said to my therapist, "It's not like I can clone myself and make two of me to be less lonely," and she said, "Well, have you thought about asking - what does Jill want right now? What would Jill like? Hear me out - if you were to call Jill on the phone, what would she suggest?" So I'm leaning into that. It is a whole lot harder than it sounds, and I feel ridiculous for sharing. Anyway, just a suggestion.
I loved the interaction between you and Emma. Brillant!
Look at Clive and Harry out there restoring my faith that good men still exist! What an awful thing to go through. Pippa is a vile human being. I hope Clive can find the strength to get as far away from this woman as possible - a few months in Scotland sounds ideal. There’s of course an element of personal responsibility and I hope Clive is able to do the work needed to deal with his grief and rebuild his life. He deserves a wonderful future.
After all that has happened, in my view Clive should go to Scotland. He needs peace and he needs space, where better to go? The rolling countryside, the nature to enfold himself in, perfect. It will get him away from his current situation, he can leave her behind, fill his life with new people and new places, and maybe see that perhaps he doesn't need her chaos in his life. No contact, no contact, no contact, bite the bullet, get to know himself better, forgive himself, find his way forward. As someone who was widowed after having a caring and loving person in my life, I do understand how Clive was overwhelmed by the prospect of new love in his life. So did I. We don't easily recognise a toxic, abusive person when they present themselves to us in a positive light. They awaken the need in you to have a partner. But Clive will come to know that he can leave that current person behind him - she is clearly not the right person - it's hard but so necessary. Go Clive, go go go.
Would love to see Clive focus on himself before even thinking about getting involved with a new person. The packs would help so much. Scotland might be a nice distraction, but the internal work would still be needed. Big hugs to Clive. I'm with Emma, just love Clive.
Right? I feel like he has been thrown into a tank of pirhanas !!
Would love to see Clive focus on himself before even thinking about getting involved with a new person. The packs would help so much. Scotland might be a nice distraction, but the internal work would still be needed. Big hugs to Clive. I'm with Emma, just love Clive.
Oh me too. Love Clive.
Clive should definitely go to Scotland and start a new chapter on his own. We grow when we’re out of our comfort zone.
Agreed Lizzy
Would love to see Clive focus on himself before even thinking about getting involved with a new person. The packs would help so much. Scotland might be a nice distraction, but the internal work would still be needed. Big hugs to Clive. I'm with Emma, just love Clive.
Clive should definitely go to Scotland give him self some space and time to work through why he is accepting her behaviour.
Clive should definitely go to Scotland and start a new chapter on his own. We grow when we’re out of our comfort zone.
Oh Clive. Please don’t go to Scotland - it would only be a short term ‘escape’. This addiction needs to be resolved once and for all… walk away for good. She is using you as a toy.
Pippa - do you realise or even care how bad your behaviour has been?. Let him go.
Harry and Emma…I loved the discussion you had but it’s depressing to hear another story of someone being treated so badly. Makes me want to take my dog, become a hermit and move away from the broken society we live in. I now need some EMDR to return my smile 😀
I hope Clive does go to Scotland. Change of scenery and distance may give him the opportunity to get a better perspective on what he truly wants. Hopefully it’s not Pippa but 3 months probably isn’t enough time to sort that all out. But maybe it’s enough time to make an honest start with himself