THE PODCAST
Where You Left Them
The podcast from dadhugsforyoursoul, where we share real followers' real relationship stories, then see if we can offer help, and how we might use that advice in our own relationships and our own lives.
Season four started 21st August, with a new episode every other Friday at 18:30 UK time. Three seasons are already there to catch up on, so dive in.
Harry and Emma
Harry
Hello. I'm Harry. I'm the one with the method, which sounds impressive until you know that I only worked it out because I was so catastrophically bad at leaving someone who was wrong for me. Eleven attempts. I have the receipts, and Emma has read most of them. I'm not a therapist and I never wanted to be, but I did want to know what I was actually supposed to do on a Tuesday night at eleven o'clock, and nobody would tell me. So I worked it out, mostly the hard way. On here I bring the answers. Emma brings the questions, which are usually better.
Emma
Hello! I am Harry's long-time friend and an early adopter of his method for dealing with the fallout from some truly disastrous relationship decisions! We've worked through some really difficult stuff together and he likes to tell me I'm “every woman”. I think that's a kind way of saying that I did it the ugly way: all tears, regrets and a lot of empty calories. I've tested everything he has said, I am disgusted at how right he is about it all and I'm here to ask the questions that we all ask when we're not quite sure which way is up. I've been through it and I'm out the other side, anxiously attaching to anything that's not nailed down. A work in progress if you will.
Recent episodes
Season 4, episode 4
Life Support Mode - With Louise George
You'd expect the hardest part of a breakup to be the heartbreak. For a lot of women it's the exhaustion: the kind that sleep doesn't touch, that often arrives months after the worst is over, just when everyone expects you to be fine. Louise George works with exactly that. She joins Emma and me to talk about post-stress fatigue, why the body keeps paying for a crisis long after it's passed, and what it means to listen to your body rather than the voice telling you to push on through.
Season 4, episode 3
Four Little Words
Helen was married for 21 years. Nine months ago she found out about the affair and she left. Everyone told her she was doing the right thing and nobody argued. What she has now is a phone she checks too often and a friend called Denise who keeps telling her things she hasn't asked to know. He isn't at the house. He isn't working. He's on somebody's sofa twenty minutes away. And Helen lies awake at four in the morning wondering whether he's registered with a doctor, whether the car is taxed, whether his mother got a card in May. She has the cleanest permission anyone has ever been given to feel nothing at all, and she still can't stop. We talk about what that actually is, because Helen is right that it isn't love and it isn't guilt. It's the responsibility that quietly accumulates over twenty years, until you find out you weren't two adults running a house. You were running it and he was living in it. Then some of the unsent messages. The hoovering one. The two people who both froze. The woman who came home from karaoke and wished it had been him. And one that made Emma cheer.
Season 4, episode 2
Leaving the LA Law Dream
Season 4 continues with Episode 2, an introduction to Bhavna Radia. Bhavna spent years as a divorce lawyer before moving into coaching, and she talks to us about where the early pull towards law came from, what happened when she went through her own divorce, and how she now works with women using both sides of that: the professional training and the lived experience of it. She also explains Mesher orders, which come up constantly and are understood by almost nobody until they're sitting in front of one. A Mesher order lets the family home stay unsold after a divorce, usually until the youngest child finishes education or turns eighteen, at which point it's sold and the proceeds split. It sounds like a solution and for some families it is, but Bhavna is clear about what it costs the person who stays in the house, and why it's worth understanding properly before agreeing to one. Then it's on to Unsent, the new thing Harry has been building. It's a place to send the message you wrote and never sent, the paragraph that sat in your drafts at two in the morning and stayed there. You write it, you send it to us, and it goes somewhere rather than nowhere. As we always say, if you're having relationship problems, going through a relationship breakup or experiencing heartbreak, then know this: we are with you. Because you can and will survive, heal and thrive. Everyone who appears on our podcast can take positive steps forward, and so can you. Find Bhavna on Instagram at @bhavna.radia. Listen to the audio version on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Deezer, and anywhere you get your podcasts. Watch the full episodes on YouTube, too. Head to the socials (search dadhugsforyoursoul) to have your say on every episode. Or visit www.dadhugsforyoursoul.com/podcasts to comment, submit your quick-fire questions and even your own story.
Season 4, episode 1
Jenny's Dating Dilemma
This week we hear from Jenny, who has been dipping into dating; her ex keeps popping up in unexpected ways! How long should we wait to start a new relationship? We also chat to the lovely Candida Crewe about her new novel, Disapproval.
Season 3, episode 8
Snake on a Plane
A letter from Helen. Financial isolation, the slow unravelling of a long marriage, infidelity, divorce, and a turn none of us saw coming. A story about giving yourself entirely to a life and finding out how little of it was ever yours.
Have your say
Tell us what you thought, ask a question, or send us your own story. We read all of them and answer some of them on the show.
If you are in danger or need support, please contact one of the organisations listed in the episode notes rather than posting here.
Comments are read before they appear. Your email is never published.
Harry H
Season 3, episode 7
Oh I do miss camping - looking longingly at the van!
Lucy
Season 2, episode 1
Ah, I could have written this and Annie should take reassurance from exactly what Harry and Emma said. She should be proud of her capacity to love and her huge, giving, loving heart. She will come back from this and find someone who will appreciate her and all the love she has to give.
Jo
Season 2, episode 2
I've been catching up on episodes in the last month since coming across Harry on Facebook. I've listened with interest, sadness, compassion, empathy. It's helped me re-evaluate my situation, the hook line really is resonating with me. Incidentally I also sent in my story. Thanks Harry and Emma, making my thoughts a little more positive.
Lucy
Season 1, episode 9
This is a horrible story and echoes mine, it was hard to listen to. But Chloe seems to be doing the work and healing which gives me hope as well.
Lucy
Season 1, episode 10
This is such a sad story as no one comes out looking good. Emotional availability and skills need to be talked about in school and often afterwards, as look at the mess we get ourselves into when we can't or don't know how to talk about our feelings. It's no good relying on our parents or friends to help us learn these skills as they may not have them.
Carol
Season 1, episode 11
Thank you Harry and Emma for the Christmas podcast. I'm new here, joined 10th December, thank you for what you are doing. Loved Harry dressing up! You both made me laugh. Got the pink hoodie, when I wear it everyone asks me where I got it so that's good. This community is so supportive. Thank you, we have to do the work or it won't work. This is a gift for ourselves so thank you. So much hard work goes on behind the scenes so it's greatly appreciated.
Joanna
Season 1, episode 10
This story is more sad than shocking to me. Seems like all the people involved live their lives alone, focused solely on their own emotional needs, their social roles as wife and husband, parent, friend, being something they do not really identify with. Their actions are emotionally immature and morally wrong but all have the same denominator, loneliness. Contrary to popular belief, I think that hell is a very cold place. Hope they'll find their way out.
Melissa
Season 1, episode 10
Weirdly I didn't feel shocked by this story, but then I grew up in a family where there were weird dynamics and other people were often involved in my parents' relationship. I've also had a friend who did something similar with her husband's best friend. His wife communicated with her to end it so she could hang on to her man. I guess it's more common than we think. I think there is a lot more to this story than meets the eye. I feel I need to know more about Rosy's relationship with her mother and her husband's relationship with his best friend. I have a suspicion husband and wife communicated with each other through third parties rather than dealing with each other, and were using the closest person to their spouse as a means to punish each other. I suspect the husband knew she was cheating, or perhaps not with his best friend, and in some attempt to exert control over the situation used his cancer to isolate her. It must have been incredibly hard to get that kind of diagnosis and face the risk of losing your sex drive at a time when you suspect your wife is cheating. I agree that everyone in this situation needs therapy and that the couple would perhaps be better off separate, but I also know some couples thrive on the thrill of the game regardless of the carnage they leave behind them. I think there is so much more to this story than Rosy has confessed, but that all parties have a share of the guilt. I think you both shared that beautifully without being overly judgemental. Poor Emma looked like she might pass out with indignation.
Sarah G
Season 1, episode 10
Hi Harry and Emma, I am playing catch up again. I just wanted to say how Chloe's story resonated with me. Different scenario but the lack of presence from her partner hit hard. My soon to be ex husband never wanted to do anything together, there was always some paperwork he had to do, or a fence to be built. Trying to persuade him to go away with me was a huge battle. I would pay for it, book it, plan it, pack, and he would just attend. We're talking 2 or 3 nights away somewhere within an hour's distance. When we were together he'd be on his phone or fall asleep, if we went for a walk he was 10 paces ahead. I felt so lonely and now I am looking back with a different perspective and without rose tinted glasses I can see I was never the priority, I was fighting for that breadcrumb, for that moment when he would actually be present and see me. I'm sure many people have the same story and it does make you feel slightly better knowing you are not alone. Thank you for all you do. Big hug.
Cheril
Season 1, episode 10
I wanted to add something to the perspective regarding Rosy's story. There was very little mention of her husband's best mate and his actions as her husband's best friend. He probably had quite a bit of personal information besides the cancer about what this man was doing and his feelings towards his wife. I know from experience sometimes men will use that as a form of manipulation. Because when you know somebody is starved for love or not being treated right and you give them bits and crumbs, they're more likely to give you what you want. I say this because in my last relationship his friends would openly come up to me and say you deserve better than him, if you were my girlfriend I would treat you better, he doesn't appreciate you, you should be with me. Things like that, including even sometimes calling out behaviour that I had no idea about in an effort to gain ground with me. I'm not saying what Rosy did was right but I don't think she's the only one to blame here. If you throw crumbs at a starving person, they will reach for it every time.
Rosabug
Season 1, episode 3
Trina has engaged in a massive act of self destruction. Her relationship with her daughter is poisoned forever. The lad is having a sexual adventure and the relationship is going nowhere, I think everyone agrees on that. But why? This act of hatred. For her daughter, for herself? I even suspect she has written in to crow about it, to use this platform as a witness to her exciting adventure, in the face of her plummeting self esteem. Her dissociation from reality and herself is mythic. Personally I think she needs to tell her daughter. Why? Because it will come out, without a doubt. The lad will be telling everyone and someone will tell her daughter. I've seen something similar happen with a friend of mine, years after the incident everything came out and it's an absolute car crash.
Joanne
Season 1, episode 9
What an absolute man-child. That level of immaturity in a partner is exhausting. Chloe sounds fabulous and I think she's had a lucky escape. I hope she can rebuild her confidence and find happiness.
Charlotte
Season 1, episode 9
Hi Harry and Emma, I was heartbroken hearing Chloe's story. It is so very similar to my own, even the house renovation. My soon-to-be ex-husband kept a satellite circle of exes, despite the numerous times I told him I didn't like it and found it disrespectful. He cheated on me, virtually, physically and emotionally. He had a big career change which he used as an excuse for his avoidant behaviour. He cheated on me 5 years ago and possibly many more times that I didn't know about. We separated at the time, but then decided to give it another go. I don't regret my choice in that, but I would choose differently with hindsight. I didn't need to give him 5 more years, totalling 17 years altogether. Eventually, as things have deteriorated over the past 12 months, I decided that I did not want to feel like this when I am 50, or 55, or 60. Since we separated he won't leave me alone and I've told him that I will not be joining the satellite circle. I am having to be so determined in keeping my boundary. You both gave her such good advice. What I will share from my experience is stand firm. Do the work to discover yourself. Enough is enough. I have adopted a mantra of back myself, not abandon myself. The other party and your own mind will play tricks on you. Whether consciously or not, they will use your own emotions against you to get what they want and try to make you doubt yourself. Remain aware of how your normal patterns will try to take you back to doing things in the way you have previously. Be as observant of yourself as you can, and check at every point, are you backing yourself or abandoning yourself? I chose me. Choose yourself, without guilt, Chloe. We're rooting for you!
Cheril
Season 1, episode 8
After listening to Eliza's story, I felt I had to share something. As women, we have expectations put on us by our patriarchal society, family and friends. We often take on those expectations ourselves. It will make us feel behind, not enough, or like we are doing it wrong. It's a setup. Doing what's expected of us rarely makes us happy. I know plenty of people in long term unhappy marriages that are awful, but they stick with it because that is what is expected of them. Here's the thing. Each one of us can choose to design a life we love for ourselves. You have to really ask yourself what you want out of life, try things and make adjustments. Eliza might really want marriage and kids, but she really needs to ask herself if it's what she wants or if it's what's expected of her. Her life doesn't have to look like everyone else's. It just needs to be authentically what she desires.
Barb
Season 1, episode 8
Listening to Eliza's story made me remember how when I was in my 30s and unhappily married, although hiding it very well, I used to have a single friend that felt similar to how Eliza does now. At the time I was so surprised to hear that as from my viewpoint she had it all. Freedom, independence and her whole life, with lots of excitement and love ahead of her. So Eliza and others in your situation, please embrace who you are and realise there are people out there that are so very envious of what you have. Big hug x
Joanna
Season 1, episode 7
Such an interesting insight about the cruelty masked as kindness in that one. Understanding that almost all people that hurt others are in emotional pain themselves really helped me to feel and act in a more emotionally safe way. Seeing them in that way makes it so much easier to distance myself and, applying Harry's advice here, pause and think before reacting and hurting myself with my own bad emotions. I wish this realisation came way earlier than in the last few years but hey, I'm glad it came at all.
Kay
Season 1, episode 2
Late to the party here as I've only just discovered Harry on Facebook followed by the podcast. Catching up from the start seeing as I'm not toooo far behind. I wanted to comment anyway, as you said you'd update on how Clive is doing in a few months' time, so it's obviously going to remain on your radar which is lovely. Clive, go to Scotland. Physical space from what you're used to will be a good change. New surroundings, beautiful scenery, being in nature. Go and explore. And breathe. I liked the idea in the podcast that sometimes we do just need a rest from it all. Take the No Contact pack to work through while you're away. What better way to do it than removing yourself from the familiar surroundings where it all happened, to go away and focus on yourself. You deserve this. Whilst in Scotland, or better still before you even go, find and reach out to groups you can join, places you can go and things you can do with others. Contact local walking, painting or book club groups. Go along to the nearest parkrun, you can walk it, there are always people who walk plus a tail walker volunteer who will always be happy to chat whilst walking. But post on their Facebook page first to say you'll be going along and ask if anyone will meet, it's super friendly and people usually chat beforehand and stop for coffee afterwards. Basically discover that there are other humans in the world besides Pippa and lots of them are actually friendly, welcoming and will value you for exactly who you are. I hope it all works out xxx
Lyn
Season 1, episode 7
Hello Harry and Emma. Thank you for reading out my first comment the other day and your really kind words. You made me cry again! Loving the podcasts, it's like having two new best friends. I have a question about the journaling please. Still haven't found the courage to record voice notes yet but I do my crazy scribbling at bedtimes. So, my question is, obviously I understand the no talking about your ex rule but, after being totally blindsided by my husband of over 20 years totally discarding me, I'm trying to educate myself on avoidant attachment, narcissism and so on, and I'm having to look back on everything with a fresh pair of eyes. I'm trying to document all the red flags that I missed, I'm so determined not to miss them in the future, and I'm finding it really helpful to actually start to manage his current behaviour and conversations with me, so that I don't get manipulated again. So it's really useful. But I also want to move on. And I want to start journaling positive things too. So, is there a point when I say enough and stop journaling all the negative stuff? Or do I keep two journals? Thank you so much, you are doing a great job and helping me to realise that I'm not going crazy xx
Joanne
Season 1, episode 7
I feel for Jonathan, to be broken up with whilst dealing with a health challenge is an awful situation. I also have sympathy for his ex partner. Divorce has a huge impact and it can take time to work through the pain and realise what you want out of life going forward. There is no nice way to break up with someone. Whilst she clearly mishandled it, I don't think she was intentionally cruel. I hope in time Jonathan will be able to look back fondly on the relationship and move on to something even better.
Phoenix Rising
Season 1, episode 6
Listening to today's show on Apple Podcasts, but had to go to YouTube so I could see Emma's pumpkin, adorable! Anyhow, just wanted you to know that the video itself on YouTube is glitching every now and again. Loving the podcast. Enjoying the TikToks as well, but try not to linger too much as I'm finding it addictive. Thanks for all you do.
Sarah G
Season 1, episode 6
Hi Harry and Emma, I'm playing catch up so a little behind with the podcast. I just wanted to say I did my first voice note journal today! Like Emma, a little apprehensive but living in Suffolk too I went on a dog walk where the only ones listening were the pheasants, hares and my springer! It felt a bit strange and hard to not rant about the ex but felt good to recognise where I am currently. I hope to continue to do this and think they will be interesting to revisit in 6 months' time. I'm hoping to get your anxious attachment pack after payday but want to say how grateful I am to you both as I feel like what I am going through is both normal and healthy, if incredibly painful xx
Phoenix Rising
Season 1, episode 6
This story is absolutely heartbreaking. I agree with you, Harry, Alison shouldn't reach out. I can really relate to that feeling of being brought back to life after so long, only to have it all taken away again. My heart aches for Alison. Not to make this about me, but it does make it a little easier to see why I shouldn't keep holding on and hoping for my ghoster to come back. What stands out to me is that this gentleman actually showed her respect by giving an explanation, which is rare in a world where so many just disappear. Of course, that doesn't make Alison's heartbreak any less real. I can only imagine how deep that pain runs. Sending the biggest hugs to Alison.
Lisa
Season 1, episode 5
My comment is more about Emma's activity of the week rather than the podcast content. I am partly with Emma on journaling into your phone and worrying what people might think. My experience is that it's not just about feeling self-conscious, it also depends on where you are. When I was in London or Essex, I agree with Harry, no one pays any attention. But in Suffolk it's totally different, people do notice and love to stop and chat. There have been plenty of times I have been stood in a field, walking through the woods or down a village road, having a phone call, and people still stop to talk, no matter what time it is, I have had this at 6am. Emma, a tip someone gave me was to pretend you are writing a book, say chapter two or plot twist if you feel awkward. It helped me consider it, but I still haven't managed to speak into my phone. Although I do take a notebook on my morning walks and find somewhere to sit in the woods and write. The same people who would stop to talk when I was having a phone call would just wave and keep walking when I am writing. Emma, I hope the journaling is going well.
Lyn
Season 1, episode 5
Oh my word this story resonated with me! I'm still going through the early stages of being discarded and still living under the same roof while we sell the house so everything is still very raw. I cried when Emma mentioned that feeling of peace, shutting her own front door for the first time. I have dreamed for months of the safety of my own front door!
Joanna
Season 1, episode 4
This story made me wonder what our factory settings are. Are we born with self love installed? Is the healing process more like a major system update, a rediscovery of our brilliant primary functions, not building something new? And also, what makes some people gain power from hardships and others crumble? Whatever the answers are, it's so sad that beautiful people like Susanne have to carry and build up their self love despite the pain. I agree with Harry that her strength was built by difficult experiences but again, it's so sad it couldn't happen differently. All that time and energy that has to be spent just to survive and not live fully and happily. But hey, the 50s are a good time to make big changes and I feel that Susanne is destined to really make it.
Phoenix Rising
Season 1, episode 3
Couldn't sleep last night, so I ended up binge-listening to the podcast. Harry, you're pretty likeable, but I've got to say, I LOVE Emma! The whole Trina situation? Just, wow. Thanks for having the decency to share her side of things.
Joanna
Season 1, episode 3
I love her of course. Proceeds to sleep with her boyfriend. I feel dreadful and guilty of course. But it's also amazing. Of course, Trina. Of course. It's not the first time I wonder if the myth of parental love does more bad than good to our mental health. It seems that the daughter will learn the hard way that her mother is just a human, and not a very loving one. And I hope she will learn that as soon as possible and not from her mother's mouth. Discovering the betrayal is enough, no need to listen to the culprit's excuses and manipulations. I know it sounds harsh but as Jennifer said in her brilliant comment here, the daughter deserves the dignity of reality, she deserves the truth as a foundation for her future life. I do not agree with the don't tell her, nobody wins here approach. To know who really cares about you and who you can really trust is a big win. And as sad as it sounds, it's worth the pain.
Judy
Season 1, episode 3
As relationships go this is a complete disaster. If Trina hasn't already ditched the boyfriend then she needs to do it immediately. He is a huge risk to what is already a difficult relationship with her daughter. Somehow Trina must get through to him the life-long danger to her daughter's future, even though she is sad to lose the trysts with him that she has clearly enjoyed thus far. It is for her to judge if he can be expected to keep confidentiality, personally I doubt if he is at all trustworthy. If Trina watches his reactions carefully, she will know whether she has to bite the bullet and tell her daughter herself of the terrible betrayal they have both committed. I have always thought the coming clean thing is a way for the perpetrator to assuage their guilt, but in this situation it may be necessary. He may want to let all the cats out of the bag in fury at being dumped by this older woman. What a terrible mess Trina has made. I hope she can now deal with the fallout of it in a grown-up manner.
Jody
Season 1, episode 3
Too late for Trina, there is no way in hell a 24 year old hasn't already told his mates. Absolute nightmare and I personally watched someone I knew do exactly the same thing and it broke the family apart, so destructive, selfish and downright catastrophic for the daughter. The young girl I knew in this situation went on to have a chaotic 10 years afterwards, isolated from her family because of mental health and substance issues. Someone needs to swoop in and wrap some loving, caring arms around this young girl before the same thing happens. I hope she has another positive older family member that can do this. Trina, pull yourself together and get to therapy asap and prioritise being a parent first. It will take a mountain of family therapy to sort this mess out if your daughter is even willing after this absolute betrayal of a primary care giver.
Barb
Season 1, episode 3
Dear Trina. No, don't tell your daughter. Finish things immediately with the young man. You have got yourself into a real mess here where so many people can get badly hurt.
Trish
Season 1, episode 3
Absolutely not. Telling her daughter may take away some of the guilt, but would totally break their relationship for ever, and destroy her daughter. Stop whatever is going on straight away, tell him to end it with the daughter and pray to god it never gets out. Totally wrong, whatever Trina is feeling about herself, this was never the right option.
Tina
Season 1, episode 3
Am I the only one that thinks Trina is actually an avoidant with narcissistic characteristics?
Nadia
Season 1, episode 3
Oh my goodness, what on earth has Trina got herself into. I'm actually gobsmacked how she thinks this is appropriate behaviour, has she no morals? Trina is in her 50s and quite clearly knows the difference between right and wrong, this will destroy the relationship with her daughter. I think the mother is quite clearly jealous of her daughter. There's no excuse for what Trina has done to her daughter whether she's having a mid life crisis or not. Boundaries lady! Shame on you.
Denise
Season 1, episode 3
I myself can understand what Trina was feeling because I started a situationship with a 22 year old right after my divorce. I was 59 at the time and needed validation in the worst way and he gave it to me. It was incredible and I was his first and we weren't hurting anyone. Trina, I don't care how bad your relationship is with your daughter and how much validation you needed, that was morally wrong. Trina will regret that forever once she puts her pants back on. I believe the kindest thing to do for her daughter is end this situationship and never tell her. No one wins out of this so don't make it worse.
Jennifer
Season 1, episode 3
Listened to it, LOVE Emma, love the dynamic between you both. But rant incoming! I think you were both far too gentle on Trina. She didn't just make a mistake. She's destroyed the foundation of trust between a mother and daughter, which is one of the most fundamental relationships there is. Sleeping with your teenage daughter's boyfriend isn't just poor judgment, it's a deliberate act of betrayal. It's one of the lowest, most self-serving choices a parent can make. It's predatory, it's selfish, and it shows zero respect for her daughter as a human being. The idea that her daughter shouldn't be told because it would cause pain is absurd. The pain has already been caused by what Trina chose to do. Shielding the truth only protects Trina's image, not her daughter's wellbeing. Her daughter deserves the dignity of reality, no matter how ugly, so she can make informed choices about both her boyfriend and her mother going forward. Keeping it secret isn't about protecting the daughter, it's about protecting Trina from having to face the fallout of her own actions. Her daughter deserves to know that two of the closest people in her life conspired behind her back. To hide that truth is just another betrayal layered on top of the first. If you cheat with your own kid's partner, you don't get the privilege of secrecy.
Joanne
Season 1, episode 3
WTF Trina! Bless Harry and Emma for giving a balanced view, but for me this one is totally unforgivable. I have a teenage daughter and appreciate how difficult that relationship can be at times. However, I would do anything to protect my girl and cannot fathom what would make a mother behave this way. It seems incredibly narcissistic.
Judy
Season 1, episode 2
Excellent zoom yesterday. Love your repartee, your serious messages get across to us all yet you manage to keep it light and entertaining. Emma, yesterday I was able to listen again to some songs I love for the first time since before the walking disaster arrived in my life and after the loving me bit. Just a few hours later, still glowing from my recovery progress, there you are coining the phrase Reclaim Your Music. You really are magical! And Harry, my Golden Retriever has 15 GR friends who all run amok on the beach, playing games, sharing sniffs, aged from a few months to fifteen years, and scarcely a raised eyebrow between them. They epitomise all the best of dog traits, unless you want a guard dog in which case you have chosen to love the wrong breed. Every visitor is very welcome, whether friend or stranger.
Trish
Season 1, episode 2
Hi Harry and Emma, I have just started listening to your podcasts over Spotify, and am about to start the first Clive story. Just to say you've both made me smile during my first week of no contact and I am taking on board the advice and reassurance you are offering. Keep up the great work, and I look forward to hearing more. To add, as a fellow north easterner I am enjoying the familiar tone and humour of Harry, great teamwork!
McBride
Season 1, episode 2
I think Clive should go to Scotland. He said it's usually him that goes back. And if he's far away then logistically it'll be difficult for him to just go and see her, and if he did the 30 day No Contact pack as well he might grow emotionally and maybe meet someone else, in Scotland, or a year later when he's healed a bit more.
McBride
Season 1, episode 1
Rich
Jill
Season 1, episode 2
I think the challenge for Clive in going to Scotland is that, if he is reticent to do his own emotional work, he will be postponing the inevitable. In other words, Scotland will be a temporary stop in the toxicity of the relationship with Pippa. One tool I would give to Clive is this. When you feel that urge to reach out, reach inward, and ask: what need am I trying to fill by contacting Pippa? If Pippa was no longer an option, what would I be doing to meet this need in myself? My personal challenge is loneliness, so answering this question is very difficult for me. Recently I said to my therapist, it's not like I can clone myself and make two of me to be less lonely, and she said, well, have you thought about asking what do I want right now? What would I like? So I'm leaning into that. It is a whole lot harder than it sounds.
Lisa
Season 1, episode 2
I loved the interaction between you and Emma. Brilliant!
Joanne
Season 1, episode 2
Look at Clive and Harry out there restoring my faith that good men still exist! What an awful thing to go through. Pippa is a vile human being. I hope Clive can find the strength to get as far away from this woman as possible, a few months in Scotland sounds ideal. There's of course an element of personal responsibility and I hope Clive is able to do the work needed to deal with his grief and rebuild his life. He deserves a wonderful future.
Judy
Season 1, episode 2
After all that has happened, in my view Clive should go to Scotland. He needs peace and he needs space, where better to go? The rolling countryside, the nature to enfold himself in, perfect. It will get him away from his current situation, he can leave her behind, fill his life with new people and new places, and maybe see that perhaps he doesn't need her chaos in his life. No contact, no contact, no contact, bite the bullet, get to know himself better, forgive himself, find his way forward. As someone who was widowed after having a caring and loving person in my life, I do understand how Clive was overwhelmed by the prospect of new love in his life. So did I. We don't easily recognise a toxic, abusive person when they present themselves to us in a positive light. They awaken the need in you to have a partner. But Clive will come to know that he can leave that current person behind him, she is clearly not the right person. It's hard but so necessary. Go Clive, go go go.
Tina
Season 1, episode 2
Would love to see Clive focus on himself before even thinking about getting involved with a new person. The packs would help so much. Scotland might be a nice distraction, but the internal work would still be needed. Big hugs to Clive. I'm with Emma, just love Clive.
Dawn
Season 1, episode 2
Clive should definitely go to Scotland, give himself some space and time to work through why he is accepting her behaviour.
Lizzy
Season 1, episode 2
Clive should definitely go to Scotland and start a new chapter on his own. We grow when we're out of our comfort zone.
Barb
Season 1, episode 2
Oh Clive. Please don't go to Scotland, it would only be a short term escape. This addiction needs to be resolved once and for all. Walk away for good. She is using you as a toy. Pippa, do you realise or even care how bad your behaviour has been? Let him go. Harry and Emma, loved the discussion you had but it's depressing to hear another story of someone being treated so badly. Makes me want to take my dog, become a hermit and move away from the broken society we live in. I now need some EMDR to return my smile.
Denise
Season 1, episode 2
I hope Clive does go to Scotland. Change of scenery and distance may give him the opportunity to get a better perspective on what he truly wants. Hopefully it's not Pippa but 3 months probably isn't enough time to sort that all out. But maybe it's enough time to make an honest start with himself.
Nadia
Season 1, episode 1
Rich