FOR WHEN IT'S JUST HAPPENED
The breakup survival kit
If you're here, something has just ended, or it ended a while ago and still doesn't feel over. Either way, you don't need a lecture. You need something to hold onto tonight, something to get you through the week, and a plan for the month after that.
So this is what I'd put in the box if I could post it to you. Most of it is free. Take what helps and leave the rest.
PART ONE
For tonight
The first nights are the hardest to get through, and the easiest to make worse. These are for the moments when you need someone on your side right now.
Voice hugs
FreeShort voice notes from me for the moments that catch you out: when you can't sleep, when you're angry, when you're about to text them. Press play and let someone be on your side for a minute.
Listen now →The Unsent wall
FreeWrite the message you want to send them, and send it here instead. It goes on a wall with hundreds of others, with your first name or none at all, and they never see it. For most people the urge passes once the words are out.
Write it here →PART TWO
For the first week
Once the shock settles, the real work starts: not reaching out, not checking, and understanding why it's pulling at you so hard.
The No Contact Starter Guide
FreeIf you've decided to stop contact, or you're trying to, this is the guide to getting through the first days without breaking it.
Read the guide →No contact when you share children
FreeIf you have children together, no contact looks different. This covers handovers, messages, and keeping every conversation about the kids.
Read the guide →Why you can't stop checking your phone
FreeIf you're refreshing their profile every ten minutes and replaying every conversation, this guide to anxious attachment explains why, and what actually helps.
Read the guide →PART THREE
For the month after
When everyone else has moved on and you're still in it, a bit of structure helps. These are the fuller programmes, one day at a time.
The 30-Day Breakup Recovery Kit
Thirty days of short videos, audio and journalling, one day at a time, for understanding what happened, stopping the replaying and starting again.
See the kit →The 30-Day No Contact Programme
A daily programme for staying no contact when every part of you wants to reach out, with something new to hold onto each morning.
See the programme →The Betrayal Toolkit
If it ended because they cheated or lied, the shock sits in your body differently. These are tools for that, and for working out what happens next.
See the toolkit →Sending a kit to a friend
If someone you love is going through it, you can send them the Breakup Recovery Kit as a gift. They get an email with your message and everything they need to start.
And if you're putting a real box together, a warm jumper, food that takes no effort and a note saying you'll call on Sunday will do more than you think. Then call on Sunday.
Send it as a giftQuestions people ask
What should be in a breakup survival kit?
Something to get you through the worst moments, a reason to stop contact if you need one, people who will listen, and a plan for the weeks after. Comfort matters, but so does structure. Most people cope with the first night better than the third week, when everyone else has moved on and you're still in it.
What do you send a friend after a breakup?
Something warm, something to eat that takes no effort, and a note saying you'll call on Sunday. Then call on Sunday. If you want to send them more than that, any of the packs above can be sent as a gift, with a message from you.
How long does it take to get over a breakup?
There's no fixed time, and anyone who gives you a number is guessing. It tends to come in waves rather than a straight line, and the bad days slowly get further apart. If you're struggling to function weeks or months on, it's worth talking to your GP or a counsellor.
Should I go no contact?
If contact keeps reopening the wound, usually yes, at least for a while. If you share children, it looks different: keep it brief, practical and about the kids. The free guides above cover both.
If you're in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, please talk to someone now. In the UK, Samaritans are free on 116 123, any time of day or night. Elsewhere, contact your local emergency number or crisis line.