MEMBERSHIP
The Huddle
You have questions you have not asked anyone. Not the ones you put to your friends, who are lovely and who do not know. The ones underneath those.
And if you have just finished a pack, the hardest part was never day four. It is day thirty-one, when the structure stops and you are on your own with it.
Join now and your rate is locked at £37.
The group is open and the calls have started. Join at the founding rate and it stays locked in for as long as you are a member, and the call with Bhavna Radia is already in the library waiting for you.
Join the HuddleTwo calls a month
Wednesdays at 7pm. One of them is an expert, for the full hour, answering the questions you have sent in beforehand. Not a talk. Your questions, taken one at a time and answered properly.
Clinical psychologists, a GP who specialises in menopause, a divorce lawyer, a finance coach. That call is recorded and chaptered and goes into the library, so you can go back to it whenever you need it, and so can everyone who joins after you.
The other call is just us. No expert, nothing recorded, nobody taking notes, and we talk about whatever has come up that fortnight. That is the room, and it is the one thing here that nobody can put in a library, which is rather the point of it.
A library that keeps growing
Every expert call goes in and stays in. Chaptered, so you can go straight to the question that matters to you at eleven at night rather than watching an hour to find ninety seconds.
The longer you are a member, the more of it is yours. Every question anyone has asked, every answer, including the ones the experts write out afterwards. Nothing gets taken down.
Send me a voice note
When something happens and there is nobody to tell, you can tell me, and I will send one back. Most of this happens at eleven at night. Send it then, and it will be waiting for me in the morning. I answer them all, usually within a couple of days.
Happened on Wednesday 30 September
Two of the answers, in full
What happens to the family home in a divorce?
There is no automatic rule that one person keeps it or that it gets sold. The court looks at needs first, particularly housing for any children still at home, and works backwards from there.
The usual outcomes are a sale with the proceeds divided, one of you buying the other out, or a deferred sale where you stay until a trigger point such as the youngest finishing school. Which one fits depends on income, mortgage capacity and what else is in the pot.
Whose name is on the deeds does not decide who ends up with it. If the house is in his sole name, register your matrimonial home rights with HM Land Registry. It costs nothing and stops the property being sold or remortgaged without your knowledge.
Bhavna Radia, family solicitor
I got divorced amicably six years ago and agreed finances, but never got a consent order. Is that a risk, especially with inheritance coming? And is it fixable now without high expense?
Yes you are right it could be a risk to finances and future inheritance.
The divorce ended your marriage. It did not end the financial claims either of you can make against the other. Those stay open indefinitely, and there is no time limit that closes them. Claims have been successfully brought many years after a divorce, in some cases decades later.
So the position is that your ex can, in principle, still make a claim against your income, your capital, your property and your pension. Money that arrives in the future is exactly the kind of thing that draws a claim, because the argument becomes about need rather than about what you built together.
One thing that helps you slightly. If your ex remarries without having made an application, he loses the ability to bring most financial claims.
The good news is that it is fixable, and more easily than you fear.
You do not need to retrace and evidence every decision from six years ago. What you need is a consent order that records what you agreed and implemented, and dismisses all financial claims on both sides, including on death. That is the clean break.
The court will want an up to date snapshot of where you both are now financially, on a short summary form, and a plainly drafted order. It is not an audit of the past.
The court fee is modest, currently around £62. The drafting is the main cost, and for a straightforward order where everything has already been implemented and you both agree, this is usually a few hundred pounds rather than thousands. You need his cooperation and his signature though.
You should also check your will, your life insurance beneficiaries and the death benefit nomination on your pension. Those are commonly left pointing at an ex husband for years after the divorce, and they cause real problems.
Bhavna Radia, family solicitor
She answered every question on the call, and twenty-three more in writing afterwards. All of them are in the library.
“I am sat in bed crying with relief that I have a way forward and now know what to do. This worry has stressed me more than I realised. But I can fix it now.”
After Bhavna's call, about a question she had carried for six years
Coming up
Ask me anything
Harry Hardisty · Wednesday 14 October
You send the questions before the call. Anyone can, whether you are a member or not.
See the questionsAnd after that
Finances - Why you shouldn't delay
Carol Glynn, Finance Coach · 28 October
The group call
Harry Hardisty · 11 November
Exhaustion - in midlife and breakup
Louise George, Holistic Psycotherapist · 25 November
The group call
Harry Hardisty · 9 December
You can send a question to any of them now. The earlier it comes in, the more time they have with it.
An hour with a family solicitor costs £250 to £400. An hour with a clinical psychologist is £150 to £200, and there is usually a wait. The Huddle is £37 a month, and every month there is an hour with someone of that standing, answering questions sent in by women in the same position as you.
It is not advice about your particular situation, and I would not pretend otherwise. It is the answer to the question you have been carrying, given properly by someone who knows, which is usually the thing you actually needed.
Before you join
Can I pay annually? Is it cheaper?+
Yes. £370 a year at the founding rate, which is two months free against paying monthly, and it comes with a 45-minute call with me once you have joined. It goes to £470 once the founding rate ends.
How do I cancel, and do I keep the library if I leave?+
You cancel yourself from your account page, in two clicks, and you are never asked why. You stay in until the end of the month you have paid for. The library and the recordings are part of membership, so those go when you leave. Anything you have bought separately stays yours.
Can I pause for a month instead of cancelling?+
Yes. You can pause for a month from your account page, and your founding rate is held while you are away. Some months are not the month for this.
If I cancel and come back, do I still get the founding rate?+
If you come back within three months, yes. After that you would join at whatever the rate is then.
Are the recordings ever public, or members only?+
Members only, with one exception. The first call with Bhavna Radia was open to everyone, deliberately, so people could see what these are. Everything since sits behind membership on links that expire.
Is anything from the calls used in content or posts?+
No. The expert call is recorded showing the expert speaking, not the room, so nobody else is visible or named. The other call is not recorded at all.
Why charge for this when your content is free?+
The content stays free and always will. What you are paying for is an hour a month with a professional who would normally charge a good deal for it, a growing archive of those answers, and being in a room rather than reading a post.
Is this coaching, therapy, or something else?+
Neither. I am not a therapist, and this is a room with women in the same situation, an expert once a month, and me. The one exception is the 45-minute call that comes with the annual membership, which is a conversation rather than therapy.
What if 7pm on a Wednesday does not work for me?+
The expert calls are recorded and go into the library, with the questions timestamped so you can jump to the one you need. You can send a question beforehand whether or not you can make it. The other call is not recorded, so that one you would miss.
What happens if Harry is ill or away?+
It moves rather than disappears, and you get an email with the new date.
“I first found Dad Hugs when I was going through my second divorce. I realised I was someone with anxious attachment and had been for years.
I read with great enthusiasm everything Harry wrote about it and how I could, in time, with work, turn it around. It was refreshing to listen to other people's stories and know I wasn't alone or going mad.
I still have days when I struggle, but I now have the tools to get through them. Forever grateful for finally finding myself at fifty and knowing that I have always been enough.”
Dawn, who found the writing long before any of this existed
£37 a month
This is the founding rate.
It rises to £47 later. Yours stays at £37 for as long as you are a member.
Cancel any time.
One honest thing before you decide. This is the beginning. There is one call in the library today and by March there will be at least seven, along with the written answers from all of them. You are paying £37 because you are backing something that isn't finished, and that is exactly why the rate is yours for good.
Join the HuddleOr join for the year, and we talk properly.
£370 for the year at the founding rate, which is two months free, and a 45-minute call with me once you have joined. I will email you within a couple of days to find a time that suits you, and we talk about whatever is actually going on.
Join for the yearJoin now and your founding rate is locked in for as long as you stay. The next expert call is on 14 October.