All of them

Hi, I was thinking of you and wondered how you are doing. I miss you, I miss us. Or actually I miss the story I made of us I guess, the fairytale where you choose me. But you didn't and that hurts.

Instead: Texted my best friend for a reality check.

Sam · day 80

You asked to take a shower first before driving me to the emergency room then texted her that night to come over to MY house while I was in the hospital recovering from surgery. I almost died and your only concern was hooking up.

Instead: Box breathing and meditation

Anonymous · day 1

My mind feels so fuzzy, and my body feels so lonely. I feel like you sucked the life out of me. I'm a shadow of my former self. I know healing will take a long long time and will go in waves. But I pray I move beyond this. I don't think I'll ever quite believe how low you sank, and how cruel you've been. But you'll stay away forever because you know I see you for what you really are, and you can't handle that mirror being held up in front of you.

Instead: I'm going to Starbucks for coffee and cake

Anonymous

Yes I've changed my times of going to the place we met and saw each other weekly because I'm hurting. I'm hurting from your constant push and pull. One minute all over me, next pushing me away. Your intermittent reinforcement has played havoc with my nervous system and created a trauma bond. I know we couldn't be together, I never lost sight of that. However we've known each other a few years now and I had hoped that I meant more to you than you playing with me like a cat plays with a mouse. You know how difficult my life is and what a terribly trapped and difficult situation I'm in. I often think of those times we spent alone. Just for a while I was living in a different world with the weight of the burden of responsibility lifted from my shoulders. I slightly mistimed things today and caught a glimpse of you as you were leaving, I don't know if you saw me. I want you to know that I've spent the morning in tears. Meanwhile you went home to your charmed and full life with your, in your words, happy and strong relationship. I know that I need to let this go once and for all. The only way of doing it is maintaining no contact because you have this habit of reeling me back in every single time. You throw those breadcrumbs and I treat them like a feast. You're a dick btw

Instead: Boiled my head at my stupidity

Anonymous

Someone sent me some photos of my group of friends taken back in our teens. Before I'd let any toxic men into my life. I look so carefree, and little did I know what was coming for me... I'm glad that version of me didn't know you were on your way to ruin my life, because she'd have been terrified, and rightly so. I'd love to let me smile beam like those photos again one day. Not just hide it behind feeling self conscious and less than. She's in here somewhere, I sense her. But whether I've the energy to bring her back remains to be seen. I feel I owe it to her, to let her know that one day she'll find her feet and live life on her own terms and she'll make herself feel safe, loved and enough. I hope I can do it. I really do. I also hope you have the decency to please leave me alone, for the rest of our days. I doubt it would ever happen as I've blocked you everywhere - but if you ever dared to try and get in touch with me again somehow, I hope my disgust stops me from responding. That young smiler would be so proud if I do. Xx

Instead: Looked at my younger self in photos and promised her better things are yet to come.

Anonymous

Please just leave me alone. I begged for years for you to care, and you only do now that I’m gone. As much as I wish I could believe you’re trying to change for real this time, I just know that if I went back, we’d be back to the same toxic cycles within a year. I already tried. I tried for nearly 10 years. I tried until it almost killed me. I’m tired. Please just go live your life and be happy without me.

Anonymous

I missed out on kids, marriage, and all the life experiences we were meant to have together because you consistently messed me about but kept me hooked with your carrot dangling antics of promising our future was always just around the next corner. Moving goalposts is your speciality. Promising the world and delivering nothing is your forte. And your trump card - playing the victim so I'd feel bad get back in my box. No matter what happened to me, you'd top trump me with your "Mummy didn't love me" carry on. GO.TO.THERAPY!!!!!!!! Plenty of people have had horrendous childhoods and brought significant trauma into adulthood, but choose NOT to he an evil prick and actually go and get the support and guidance they need. No matter how long it takes. Even life long. But you? Nah, just make everyone elses lives hell on earth instead. How many bridges have you got left to burn? Because one day you'll wake up and realise you're all alone. And it couldn't have happened to a more deserving person.

Instead: Spoke to friends who have no idea what's been happening to me all of these years

Anonymous

You walked away days away before my special birthday and walked back after the relationship you found yourself in accidently went pair shaped. You say its the biggest mistake of your life walking away and still play with my head a month after my father passed away. My heart aches, my head is foggy with grief and heartache. You ask me to go out and I want to go but feel so baffled as to why. My love for you hasnt gone and Im concerned its because of the emotional rollercoaster ive been on for years.....how do I stop wanting to..... ive had 9 months no contact.... am I that shit at relationships?

Instead: Sat in my garden.

Anonymous · day 270

I can't believe you are already looking for someone else. You shared what you're looking for. You described me and what we had together. Yet you pushed me away again, blocked me and broke your promise to talk. You'll just do it again to someone new. Its cruel and irresponsible to break another heart.

Instead: Take a bath.

Anonymous · day 21

You never made love to me, you weren't capable of that psychological connection. You'd f##k me with your watch on, then check the time and say how long you'd been at it, during the limited time you'd deemed acceptable to give me your presence. Your kisses were shallow, unsensual and you swished your tongue about like an eel in a barrel. I deserve an Oscar for best supporting role. What I'd give for some proper sex with real man who knows his way around a woman, physically and mentally. God I f##king hate you.

Instead: Walked in the wind to try and blow you away.

Anonymous

I guess the one thing that will always haunt me is that I'll never know what was real. Was it all lies? Was any of it genuine? Did you ever love me or was it just future faking. My hypervigalant brain is playing through it all on a loop, as though it's constantly scanning for a snippet of truth. Why don't you care? You know what you've done to me, so how do you mute your conscience? I know she isn't "better" than me. She's just different. But it's the usual thing of thinking to myself well to you she must be prettier, thinner, better in bed, more stylish, wealthier, more successful, a better trophy on your arm. But she'll never know you like me, read you like me, care for you and boost your fragile psyche like me - and you're so dysfunctional that's probably why you turned on me. For simply loving you, for you. I never wanted to be facing life alone at this age, and I don't know how I'd ever trust another man again. But I don't want a life without sex either. Why should I? But I can't just give myself to anyone. And I'm sure you love knowing that I'm here pining, whilst you're doing goodness knows what. It makes me so sad and scared. And when I miss you, I have to remember I'm missing the performed version of you, created to lure me in. You also know you left me so financially vulnerable I can't afford my therapist. So I'm reading as many reputable books, and videos online as I can to help work through this. And you'd never believe this message, that you'll never receive, is going onto a website where other people are struggling too, because of people like you. It's sad that it even had to be created. Because so many people are suffering. That's right, you're NOT special, your behaviour isn't your own superior wizardry. You aren't the only man who breaks people like this. But I pity you for being an active heavy hitting member of the unsavoury tribe of people who do. It's unforgivable, all of it. Totally unfair and cruel. What a bunch of total arseholes you belong to.

Instead: Ate 6 Jaffa cakes and some cheese for breakfast

Anonymous

I think about you too and have done every day for the last 6 months. I cry most weekends and miss you so much it hurts sometimes. But i cant tell you because you wont understand why i cant come back. Why i cant be in a relationship that needs me to not be fully myself and to only be the parts you want me to be. The parts that meet your needs. My silence isnt because i dont care. My silence is because i care so much i know you’ll talk me round and we'll end up in the same dynamic where ill want to please you and ill do that forever. But ill abandon myself if i do and i cant do that anymore. And you wont understand that. Even if i try to tell you, and thats not your fault you just dont have the capacity to understand But i wish i could tell you that i think about you all the time and how important you were and still are to me. And ill never forget you x

Anonymous · day 182

I've changed your name in my phone to Vampire: You bleed people dry, until their supply has gone, they're half dead and you cast them aside because they've served their purpose and you've got another supply waiting, under your spell, unknowingly about to be annihilated. Well Vampire, when you inevitably come scratching at my window again one day, you will NEVER be invited in - no matter how much you plead. I'd sooner leave you outside, let the sun catch up with you, and turn you to dust.

Instead: Found the Vampire analogy helps when I feel the urge to break no contract

Anonymous · day 170

Things I won't miss, ever, in no particular order: * Your midlife crisis, that is actually, just your constant arrested development behaviour. * The humble brag. NOPE. * You were never wrong, and most of your opinions were hot air. * You "wouldn't eat fish" but would eat Scampi because it looked like chicken nuggets. * The way lies roll off your tongue. * Knowing exactly what sort of day I'd be having based on your first text. * You added salt to meals before you even tasted them. * Your ridiculous, massive soled brightttt white trainers that have probably been picked up in outer space. * Nobody cares what you drive. * Your beard dandruff - just use your products!! * You constantly stinking my bathroom out. * You thinking you were the superior cleaner - when you ran your finger over my oven hood I wanted to punch you. * Telling me how I felt. * You don't suit your motorbike, it isn't Sons of Anarchy. * Your emojis changed when you were cheating. * Your ridiculous glasses - you're not Heston Blumenthals and Ronnie Barkers love child. * Feeling the need to explain to me how to cut a roll, everytime, because "when I worked in catering" - in your teens, nobody cares. * Your incessant school stories - like Uncle Albert, "during the war" * You're over familiar with your school friends wives. It isn't acceptable. * Your ridiculously branded gym gear. * You emotionally incestuous relationship with your aunt.....bitty. * You think you're something special. * Making out you and your school friends are like Band of Brothers. Spare me. * You're condescending. * You're not Gordon Ramsey. * Do you ever turn the TV or radio off?????? * The way you'd puff yourself up and peacock in front of woman, who literally didn't notice. * Your faux smarmy charm. * You can't pretend to be cultured. * How you'd embarrass me to look good. * Your broken toes - they look like goats hooves. * Your finger nails are too long. * You walk like you were being chased - which bank did you rob. * You announce you're about to climax- errrr who needs to be told. * You go cross-eyed when you do. * Your higher pitched voice when speaking to women. * You taste in music is shocking. * The only time we went to a museum, you faux looked at the displays and I was so disappointed. * Your gaslighting. * You singing voice makes my innards cringe. * You'll only watch films about war and violence, or documentaries about "overcoming" - the broken warrior act is exhausting to behold. * You're scared of any animal larger than a golden retriever. * You have a complex about your long neck, but purposely stretch to look taller because of your complex about your height. * You're really NOT well endowed, and having to praise it was, well, not necessary. * You're a know all. * Your idea of foreplay was a kiss for four seconds. * Your financial coercion. * You kept every single one of your dogs alive too long, because you're selfish. Owning pets means doing right by them not you. * How easily you get bored. How many businesses does one person need in a lifetime. * You thought you were so cool bragging about your "sleeve" which 10 years later is only up to your elbow. * Your manipulation. * Thinking you were edgy mentioning that you were going to put your earring back in. Calm down Jack Sparrow. * You can't spell. * Your guilt trips. * How you wear the pointiest shoes you can find to make your feet look bigger - it isn't medieval times. * The fact you lend people money then rather than arrange or encourage repayment, you use it as leverage. * Your massive watches look like a child standing in their parents shoes. *You smug smile doesn't reach your eyes. * My pets started keeping their distance from you. * Skinny jeans. You're not Rod Stewart. * You're so emotionally stunted. * Your chip on the shoulder about not getting into the military. * You hijack situations to make out you're the saviour. * You're a jack of all trades but master of none. * You make absolutely everything about you. * Your constant, irritating, pathetic need for external validation. There's so much more! The things I will miss list is A LOT shorter. Funny that.

Instead: Tried to sleep

Anonymous

I’m still angry as fuck at the way you dismissed me. It took you 8 months to realise you weren’t after something serious?? I’m calling bullshit on that and on you. Nobody should carry on a relationship and give another person the indication that you are serious about them if you’re not. When I told you I loved you and you said thank you - that was your perfect opportunity to tell me then. Motherfucker!

Anonymous · day 45

My dog died, and I couldn't tell you. I wanted to, so badly. But realised there was no point. You'd have probably given some lack lustre response, if you'd replied at all. I miss her so much, and it broke my heart having to arrange her cremation etc and take her on my own. I cried all the way back because I felt like I'd abandoned her. She's home now, and I'll never be able to explain the void. She was even more protective of me since you disappeared. And I'll never be able to thank her, but she'll remain in my heart forever. I honestly don't know what I'd have done without her all these years you were treating me like shit. I'm going to get a beautiful urn to honour her. One you'd have moaned about the cost of. But she gave me more love, loyalty and joy than you could even dream of being capable of.

Instead: Put some music on and had a good cry

Anonymous

Your entire life is just the same patterns dressed up in a different way. Round and round you go. Damage, discard and run. Damage, discard and run. In what twisted realm of reality do you think scuttling off to another country to marry someone you haven't even spoken to in nearly 40 years hasn't raised eyebrows, especially when you were still with me less than 4 months ago?! You've shutdown/hidden your social media, and left her with the task of sharing your "wedding photo" - and oh boy, it screams desperation.....we ARE happy - those Wallace and gromit smiles protest too much.... You may be love bombing the hell out of her but don't you think she's maybe already thinking, hmm why didn't this wonderful man want a wedding that includes his nearest and dearest?" Why are we just doing a zero effort, cheap outfit, no flowers and a ring that looks like it's out of a cracker? You think the fact people are like "wtf" to her won't make her think twice? Because you're starting as you mean to go on - set those expectations at zero, but make out it's about love conquering all. You're arrogant enough to think that you can skip through life and have no accountability for what you do. Well I think you've finally out done yourself, especially legally - and one can only hope that wife takes you to the cleaners when she realises what she's shackled herself to. Thankfully I'll know nothing about it, but I bet folk already have their popcorn at the ready to watch your comeuppance.

Instead: Watched Mobland, for inspiration 🤣

Anonymous

I think what im finding most difficult now is being alone, having to make all the decisions on my own and not having you to share with and it was reciprocal, because I liked hearing what was happening in your life, in your day and your plans. I could just be grateful for what we had, but then if you hadnt conned me, maybe id have met someone else who would have been there with me now. This show is getting crazy, people have started telling me about this great show and not realising Im the one who has organised it.. its spreading out into the community in a way id always hoped it would. One big row with a prima donna artist, exhausted me, but Ive taken a cue from no contact and drawn up a boundary I could never have done without having to cut you off. Toxic people who take more than they give and blame me.

Instead: finished the hanging plan! began to consider my outfit for the private view

annie s · day 8

I’ll always regret leaving. You should have come to the airport and told me to stay, I would have. You then flew half way round the world to see me and even though the feelings were still there, you left this time and I let you go. What idiots we were. We could have had a great life together, people said we were soulmates. Urgh, even after all these years I still can’t get over it. Maybe there is no resolution.

Anonymous

It's been six weeks today since you sent that text. I have not slept one single night without waking up...over and over. I have lost weight. I am trying to find joy in all of the things I am doing alone, that you would never make the time for, but it isn't working. Food has no taste. I hope this is the hard part and that soon I will wake up refreshed and you will just be a bad dream. I still don't understand how I am in love with you turned into I don't want you anymore, so quickly. I don't think I ever will....and I have to be ok with that. I can't hate you. But I need you to know...you have broken me. Completely. Not that I believe you would care.....

Instead: Wept. Bitterly.

LR · day 43

It’s okay that you will never accept or fully appreciate the hurt and betrayal you brought to the ending of our marriage. That you rewarded your wife of nearly twenty years for the care love and effort she brought to loving you and our family with such a cheap tawdry ending. I no longer need any admission or acknowledgement from you. I’ve realized over the years since that it was a gift. I’ve found me in a way I never would have were we still married. This version of me is strong and vital and thriving. So thank you for your lack of capacity to love fully. I now give that to myself and those around me every day.

Instead: Living a life full of colour and gratitude.

Anonymous

Im really drained and unhappy. Im making this wonderful show for people and its tough. Ive been drained by one of the artists and so generating enthusiasm is difficult. Guy in the art shop said she sounds like an energy vampire. yes. I think so too. I started making this show part because its what id love to do, but because you and I went to so many shows together and it was something I thought you would love and we would love together. You dumped me right when I was committed to show 30 artists! You blamed me and despised me for the fall out and the anxiety attacks as you destroyed my nervous system when you finally dalt the death blow you said you could no longer have a relationship with me because of my 'behaviour' Behaviour that you had caused. So tell me you hadnt planned it.. tell me it want a cynical devise to blame me, undermine me, use me, make yoursle fseem to ris ein superiority. How could I NEVER be with that man, and yet it was the one before you turned that I miss, and we know he was a lie. Becuase real love doesnt do what you did. So even though it really hurts now, at least Im doing it. You know people are now telling ME about this amazing show that I must go to... the word has spread! Its me who made the show. Let me trust, let me be grateful, let me have faith, let me have courage.

Instead: dosed myself because Ive got a cold! ...

annie s · day 8

God did you do everything to make me want you. Said every line… played to all my fantasies… made me feel Beautiful and wanted… made me want to feel that with you… I look back at the few messages I was able to save and am still just broken to you were lying… why why do that to me? I meant it when I said I fell for you…. I felt alive when we talked and truly awakened when you touched me. I honesty think you and I were probably meant to be and you’re too scared to talk to me because you know it’s true!!! I hope you’re miserable with your lies in your unfulfilled marriage. I hope you miss me every day. And I hope you think of me everytime You touch her.

Instead: Cried in bed.

D · day 138

I miss you. I miss seeing you. But now our kids are at different schools, that’s done. I miss talking to you. Chatting online, we’ve been close. But I can no longer accept only that. It’s been a year. “If he wanted to, he would” - isn’t that what they say? I know it’s true. Though I wanted to hope. But you never asked me out. And I could never have asked you, for fear you’d say no. You dip in and out of this. Don’t message for weeks. For you it’s probably nothing. But it kills me every time. And I know at some point you’ll tell me you’re seeing someone. I can’t wait for that. So I need to step back. That hurts more than you will ever know.

Instead: Sent the silly messages I’d have sent to him to friends instead. Cried.

Anonymous · day 18

Why did you let me believe I was safe with you only to prove I never was? How could you go from planning for both the short and long term of our relationship to overnight ending things via text after over 5 months of dating? How could you possibly be both the kind, caring, fun, sexy man I knew and the jerk who would do this?!

Instead: Had a call and asked two questions. When did you have doubts? Why didn’t you talk to me? Then wished you a good life and said goodbye.

Anonymous · day 15

You left me but guess what I had sex with a woman in her late 70s and it was great!

Anonymous

I can’t believe you told Me you didn’t want to have a child together after we had worked so hard for it. And now youre having one after being with someone for 6 weeks. What does that say about me?

Instead: Found someone that wants to start a family

Mark · day 285

What hurts the most is that I tried so hard to take you at your word. Even when everything in my system was firing, I tried to trust that you were being straight with me. But you weren't. I wasn't overthinking. I was right the whole time. And I understand now that I can't even trust you to know yourself well enough to make better decisions if we tried this again. We'd be right back to the same chaos of you riding whatever urge you felt in the moment, and my needs and expectations being an inconvenience. You will miss me when you are lonely and bored and those big feelings kick up & you have no one who will listen and unpack them with you anymore. You complain about your friends and family not seeing or appreciating you, and you fucked up the person who actually wanted to, who tried to, who did. When everyone else makes you feel weird & stupid & alone, you will miss me. But I'll be gone, because you'd rather set me on fire than take a single step towards something that would ask you to grow.

Instead: Wrote in my journal, reminded myself of all the people I have in my life who show up for me, and let me show up for them, cut my hair the way I love it, let you go

Anonymous · day 64

Just heading to the GP to admit I'm not coping. You've broken me. I bet your ego would get the biggest hard-on from that, eh? Why do men like you walk off scot free, after leaving a path of chaos in your wake? Where's the justice in that? I hope life kicks the living shit out of you in the future. Because you did that, to me.

Instead: Seeking support

Anonymous

I find it all so confusing. My brain and body tells me I really miss you, but everything I read says it is nothing to do with that, it was all based on my insecurities and your ego - just find that even more sad. I have several moments a day where I just feel in physical pain and want to cry (and usually do) …although it’s not always because of you . And then there was the mistrust and the lies !

Anonymous

Dear Addiction For two years you were silent. Two years that I could breathe, the balloon in my chest, gone. Two years and my smile felt familiar again. Two years of reclaiming my ground, my centre, my security. Two years of watching the light return to his eyes, the joy to his life and the peace to his heart. Two years of creating beautiful memories. But you were still there. Silent and waiting. Lurking in the secret recesses of his mind, waiting for a moment to whisper your temptations and promises of relief. Slowly you began twisting his thoughts and casting your dark shadow once more. You were just lying dormant, always careful to remain unseen. Little by little you seeped back into our lives, quietly tightening your grip until you again consumed every thought and controlled every action. Sleepless nights, pointless fights, slurred ramblings that found no end. A stomach of knots and hands that shook, broken promises and desperate tears. Empty bottles hidden from view, wine stains, broken door frames, your fury is relentless. Hoping against hope that you’ll be turned away again, denied access to what should have been a beautiful life. Utter exhaustion, depleted and sick at heart, a heavy realisation finally sets in. You own him. I know your play well. Collateral damage is your goal, taking down as many as you can. You are formidable but not impossible. But I choose to release you and take away your power. I choose to rebuild a life where you don’t exist. To recapture my joy and peace and sense of self to create a different version of my future. Dear Addiction, I thank you - for the lessons you served, the resilience you uncovered and the growth you evoked. You didn’t win, you just showed me who I am.

Instead: I left and completely rebuilt my life. New home, new job, new relationship

Anonymous · day 425

You’ll never understand how deeply your confusion and inconsistencies truly affected me and have changed me. You’ll just move on to the next woman and the next woman and I finally truly understand and accept it. I miss you often and it makes me sad sometimes but I also hope I never see you or hear from you again. With love, really ….

Instead: Cried and went to sleep

Ell · day 90

You said I’m amazing, but not enough for you to want to hear me and make time for me. I am aware of my worth and in this situation you lose. I would’ve loved you, supported you and grown together. What am idiot to fumble me when I’m so easy to please.

Instead: Messaged my Friends

Anonymous · day 9

It was my birthday yesterday. I’m not sure why I expected a card or a text or a happy birthday. We’ve been married for 23 years, and I’m not sure you’ve ever made any effort. Ignoring my birthday completly though, how cruel. ?!

Instead: I deleted the message.

Anonymous · day 1

I was sacrificing a freedom I had had buried for years to someone who continued to keep me in the cage and to make that smaller and more difficult. Because I recognised that dynamic. But it is deep in my programming, it is familiar, my subconcious was looking to reiterate it. The place in me that had need met the place in him that gave him power over me. That need is for love, but it was always given conditionally. 'Ill keep you alive as long as you conform to me and my needs and desire" that voice started in childhood. Powerlessness. The father was in control. I had to confrom to him, ie not be me, not have wants that he wouldnt fulfill so i learned to address his deepest needs and fears. That has run the whole of my life. Being an artists and trying to be as financially independant as possible in order to not have to rely on someone else for my roof and food and to be able to pay the bills. Where is love in that ? With YOU it was that you always sought me out. For a while you were a great friend, untill you learned my weak spots and learned how to put me in prison, how to de-acivate my drive. Actually, my Dad would keep wanting to protect me inn return for his control and in order to keep my down ( also de-activation to a point) y late husband did the same and it became intolerable when he was dying of a brain tumour because he came to beleive somehow it was my fault he was in pain. I felt I might even die before he did. I kept going after more than a year of not sleeping and hyper vigilence, ad then when violence crept in I left to protect the kids. The trauma has now taken over their lives. I MUST break this. Ive seen it. Thats the first step. It must be out there as a continual virus. This need for soveriegnty. If only you had been less content with your programming. The controller can become the destroyer, by making the victim conform time after time. This time round Im trying to replace this pattern , well break this pattern. Its going to depend on seeing the best possible world and best possible me. and being it.

Instead: got up to have a bath and grab the bull by the horns.. the bull is doing my life anbd loving it more and more

annie s · day 8

I’m falling in love with you… is that ok? I’m terrified that admitting my feelings and hearing your truth will change everything. I’m scared to face the reality and accept that you are not mine and I should walk away.

Instead: I’m here and trying to live in the moment without worrying about relationship trajectories that don’t serve me.

Anonymous · day 199

Why weren’t we enough for you?

Instead: Watched a film

Anonymous · day 217

You have ghosted me for months on end and your silence made me question my worth, now you message me like nothing has happened. Things are different now, I’ve got some self respect and won’t allow you to treat me the same again.

Instead: Listened to music

Fran

I wish you never met them either

Anonymous

being a lesbian is fucking awesome imagine thinking anyone would ever go back to someone a dull as u and the rest of your group no creativity to be had anywhere

Anonymous

I appreciate you “checking in” but actually…. I don’t! it’s all surface level, it’s ticking a box to ease your guilt for how you have treated me. I’m not allowed to bring any of what you have done up you have told me you will snap but that didn’t stop it hurting it direct mean it didn’t happen and that the names you’ve called me and your behaviour have left an invisible scar on me forever. I wish we had never met.

Instead: Work

Anonymous · day 1

Ive changed. For years I have always considered other people in a compassionate light and avoided dislike, anger, hating or what i consider negative ways. seeing the light in them. But actually you really are a nasty bit of work arent you. This has freed me up to be discerning. I always prioritised, forgiving people their indicretions of their downright cruelty or selfishness. thats put a toll on me, because the nastiness had to go somewhere and it usually got directed at me. Now im not doing that. It means Im owning how I have reacted, but also how I have misseen people. I am no longer responsible for their actions (I didnt think I was before) My reaction is clearer. i choose not to have you in my life, or if I do have you in my life, its with a pich of salt as it were. I recognise the way someone is dumping something negative on me, a reaction that exists in me that is unpleasant. I decide if its ok, and I am rationing the ammount of allowance I make. To do this, I have to be singular. and like it. This includes not minding being alone. This means sitting with lonliness, and yes, thats better than what you did and more importantly didnt do.

Instead: plan the day.

annie · day 7

You tried to make me believe it was ALL my fault, that I was this awful person. I tried my best with you every day until I couldn't try any more. The financial abuse and coercion were just too too much and I lost respect for you. I loved you but I had no respect, and that showed in my behaviour. But to learn that you were having an affair, throughout the time my Mum was dying, and you leaving shortly after she passed, on top of everything else, makes me realise that you are the awful one. I'm glad you left, and that she has now left you.

Instead: I deleted the message and got on with my day.

Anonymous · day 845

I'm desperate to contact you. It would be pointless. You're off having an amazing time, and I don't exist. I keep imagining you being intimate with her and it's total torture. Why didn't you give me a chance? I was beyond ready for our life. Excited. Then you snatched it away and gave it to her without a skipping a beat. I will never, ever, get over your cruelty. I'm jealous, gutted and want these bloody thoughts to stop. God I hope it all goes wrong for you. I've never wished for anything more.

Instead: Watching a film

Anonymous

You’re never coming back. Not even to say goodbye.

Instead: Watched more Grey’s Anatomy

Lea · day 66

My anxiety is through the roof. You dangled a future in front of me, and even when I repeatedly asked were you sure, you were insisting all was well. Only to leave me high and dry Now I'm scared for the future and alone. Does that give you a kick? Does leaving me with no belongings in an area I don't know, make you feel big? Why bring me to an area that you know will be like being haunted by you 24/7. And it isn't as though you have no awareness of what you're doing - you know full well. But you still choose to ruin me to get yourself ahead. I hope every bad thing in life that can happen to someone, lands straight on you. I have never known someone so cruel in my life. And that's saying something. I've absolutely no idea what I'm going to do, and I doubt you even think of me.

Instead: Trying not to have panic attacks

Anonymous · day 100

I know what type of person you are and I promise you the truth is going to come out. I wish you had the balls to be honest with people.

Anonymous

I gave so much of myself. I wanted to love you the way you'd never been loved as a child, to try to make up for the loneliness that I knew both of us had suffered. I felt like I'd taken all the lessons from the mistakes I'd made in the last and became, what I felt was, the perfect girlfriend. I was patient, caring, kind, understanding. For the first few months we got back together i was wary but then I relaxed and that was my biggest mistake. I've now realised you can't love someone who doesn't love themselves

Instead: Spent time with my cat

Anonymous · day 14

I was sooooo tired after caring for you. And still it was all about you 😪

Anonymous · day 10

I wish you had the self-respect to leave someone who clearly doesn't like or want you. It would really make my day if you understood that but I fear you never will. You'll keep repeating the same mistakes because you're a vain and shallow man.

Anonymous

So now you're out there playing the rugged hero swooping in to sweep a woman off her feet who thinks you're the protagonists of a trashy romance novel. Reality will BITE. Like a slow motion car crash. And I finally get to vent: Do you honestly think it was attractive watching a man in his 50s set up a tiktok channel to show himself "training" to 90s music? Do you think I lusted over you when you took to wearing grey joggers 24/7 and started spraying yourself to death with Lynx Africa?! Wow, so cooool Mr "thirst trap" and sooo down with the kids eh 🤣🤣 Did you think I wouldn't see you commenting on young women's posts in gym groups? "Great job", "impressive" 🤮 - the elder statesman persona doesn't hide actual creepy old man reality. It's like someone got you a midlife crisis cringe checklist and you ticked everything off, then made your own list on top. And the stupid fucking swagger you adopted, like you're carrying carpets under your arms. Honestly, spare me. Your incessant need for external validation is absolutely insane. And you'd rather drown in your own dysfunction than do something about it. What a loser.

Instead: Just trying to keep one foot in front of the other

Anonymous · day 92

Some people don't need or want closure and have no desire to get it, especially when they've experienced behavior that was hurtful and made them question and doubt themselves. The sooner you understand that, the better. The stories you're telling and the sympathy you're seeking for yourself and the actions of the people around you aren't going to make me or anyone else feel sorrow or sadness for what happened. You should have apologized and taken accountability when you had the chance. Now, you don't have that opportunity anymore.

Anonymous

You gaslit and provoked them into reacting because you couldn't understand or accept that your behavior was abusive, controlling, and manipulative, along with the harmful behavior of the people you chose to surround yourself with. It's not wrong for someone to feel upset, scared, or uncomfortable and to avoid you after experiencing psychological harm. You weren't their therapist, and you had no right to dismiss them as "uneducated" or make assumptions about their background and experiences. No one wants you back. No one ever wanted you back in their life. They didn't want to remain friends with you or continue being close to people who treated them poorly or behaved in ways they found harmful and unacceptable. They don't love you, and don't want to maintain any type of relationship with you or anyone connected to this situation. You need to accept that someone you've hurt never wants to be near you again. You should have done better when you had the opportunity. You seemed to want people to suffer for your happiness, and you became upset when you couldn't get your way, regardless of how friendly or nice you tried to appear. The door was always closed. Your behavior as a person, partner, lover, and friend caused enough damage that I don't believe anything can change how I feel about what happened. No one should be expected to miss someone who made them feel this way.

Anonymous

I miss you so much psleae take me back I can't stand not being without you in my life I'm so desperate and I seek out what we had in others because it's the only way I'll ever feel wanted. Like I belong. Like I'm cared for and cherished. And I don't feel that with anyone else but you I miss our time in the empty seats together

Instead: cried in the shower thinking about a love I can't ever have again

Annie

One day, I'll understand the depth of my actions that has cause the most harm to someone that showed me nothing but unconditional love. But I mishandled that heart in some of the worse ways. I broke something that should have been cherished and protected from the start and there's nothing I can do to help it heal aside from staying as far away from that broken heart as possible. I wish I could have told you I was sorry for the things I said and did to you and your companion. But I refuse out of my own ego.

Instead: made new and better supportive friends

annie

The hurt is unbeareable. Can't keep myself from thinking about the beginning. About how you described our lives together. You wanting to take care of me, attend to my needs. I never had that, which you knew. You said I was everything you dreamed of. You were vulnerable, told me about your fears and deepest feelings. That was what really made me love you. Then you started disappering, not responding, always busy. I tried to tell you it made me sad and insecure. You said I was overthinking, overemotional, that it wasn't normal. You said that I was embarrassing when I put my hand on yours but in the beginning you said that you loved all kind of affection from me. I left you. I think it hurt you and I never wanted to do that. But I was exhausted, drained of energy, constantly stressed out and confused. I miss you. I love you. I hate you. I want you. I texted you asking to see you. You wrote you were thinking of me and that you wanted to see me. Then you stopped replaying. How can you be so cold? I just want to feel like myself again. I want you back. I know that is not an option.

Instead: Called a friend

L · day 22

Hello I have appreciated hearing of your healing journey and am glad you’re finding purpose again. However, so many times I’ve read your words and felt nothing but incredulity. Over the years, I realise I tried to shield you from life’s unexpected events… your car getting hit and tracking down the woman who did it. You were going through your op and recovery and I didn’t want you upset. Ben, making contact to apologise to me. You were going through one of your downs and I didn’t want to get you upset. The more time passed, the more impossible I found it to tell you for fear of your reaction. Stopping school work as you were worried about Covid and I didn’t want you to be upset. Trying to placate everything at the caravan site because I didn’t want you to be upset. Stopping seeing and having contact with certain friends as I would normally freely do as I didn’t want you to be upset. Trying so hard all the time to make a home and at the flick of a switch when something didn’t suit you, being told ‘it’s my house, not yours. You know where the door is’. The panic I felt everytime you couldn’t find something and instantly accused me. Yes, it was me at times, but the relief I felt when it was found…(also after admission of your misplacing at times too… sometimes you just didn’t say as thing as you knew your outburst was misdirected and you would NEVER admit that!) was not right. I loved and cared for your mum until her passing… I even stayed with her cat when she was ill until the end when even you 'couldnt'. I cleared out her home afterwards because you ‘couldn’t’ (wouldn’t). I liaised with your sister because YOU cut her out too. You even told me to leave if I spoke to her again… but that time I blew and forced the situation as it was only ever about your mum. The number of houses looked at with a view to the promised move, and discarded as wrong, the lack of reality about living somewhere isolated as we age. Your lack of listening to valid points about what we could actually have lived in comfortably just the two of us… talking about acres of land, workshops etc. All, in reality just excuses. If you’d wanted to go, it would have been done. Instead of hanging on to every thing that in reality, wasn’t necessary. You claim you hated that house but you could have moved. There actually was nothing stopping you ever… apart from you. There’s so much more I could say… but… continuing about ME now. All of your emails are almost written as if it was only the most recent of events that finally made me leave. It wasn’t. It was a long road of culmination where ‘hope’ kept me ploughing on. Until even ‘hope’ fell into a ditch and refused to try any more. Nothing was ever good enough…. And I realised that the pattern was continuous. Bread crumbing… dangling the carrot at the donkey to keep it moving forward. I began keeping a journal. Of things that happened. I saw ‘professionals’ to support me. I finally took off my rose tinted glasses and saw a pattern that’s followed you through every relationship you’ve had and discarded. I listened to you negate my whole family. I watched you telling my daughter to ‘get off my property’ when she was watching me break. I watched my dad cry after you’d appeared at the house, so cruelly, with B. He wanted to take her from you, but we all know she’d have been a weapon of manipulation for you. I saw in my mum, a maternal defence reaction I’d never seen before. I never want to see my parents go through that again. You made it VERY clear I wasn’t even allowed to say bye to her when I had to go. You thought I’d back down, knowing how much I loved her and how very much I’d invested in her to make her the amazing girl she was becoming. It backfired and you didn’t know how to cope. And now you’re telling me how your therapy is going and your PTSD childhood trauma as if this wasn’t something I pleaded with you to address so many times over the years when I saw you falling and gave my thoughts and tried to get you to get help. And you are telling me of this progress… too late, P. All too late and I can’t decide if I’m upset or just so angry now when it was all I wanted for you for so long but you refused to listen. ‘I’ll do it when I’m ready, not when you tell me’. ‘No one’s ever made me do anything I didn’t want to and you’re no different’. ‘I’m not going to change so don’t try to make me. If you’re not happy with that, move out, I’ll help you pack’!!! Are you reading this and actually comprehending it all. You didn’t even mention T on the 2nd anniversary of her death this year. You just said, ‘I decided not to’. Wow! That hurt. You know how sensitive I am. You need to stop blaming your past, your mental health on every cruel action and every cruel word you said. No matter where someone’s depression takes them, there is a choice made between thinking hurtful words and actually just firing them at the person who you 'allegedly' loved. I always reassured you of my love at every instance. I supported you in every way. Some things you said were deliberate and cruel and unnecessary. I was a wreck when I left, P. An absolute wreck. And now I’m not. You didn’t trust in me and yet I gave you no reason to doubt me. Unlike yourself. Always looking to somehow reignite the spark. I saw the photos. I knew absolutely if someone took the bait, you’d have moved on. Just as I also know that your trust insecurities were purely a reflection of your own lack of commitment to me. You tried to justify yourself by accusing me of planning the most despicable, abhorrent act of betrayal against my ‘dead’ best friend!!! I hope going forward, some one can unlock the emotional shields you skilfully hide behind and the battlements you fire from. I’m so glad you’re proving to be their most interesting case ever. Of course you are! Do not contact me again under any circumstances.

Instead: I read it out to my dad. Then I filed it away. And said No More. And there has been No More for over a year. And the peace is bliss and my growth is immeasurable.

Anonymous · day 500

The hurt is unbeareable. Can't keep myself from thinking about the beginning. About how you described our lives together. You wanting to take care of me, attend to my needs. I never had that, which you knew. You said I was everything you dreamed of. You were vulnerable, told me about your fears and deepest feelings. That was what really made me love you. Then you started disappering, not responding, always busy. I tried to tell you it made me sad and insecure. You said I was overthinking, overemotional, that it wasn't normal. You said that I was embarrassing when I put my hand on yours but in the beginning you said that you loved all kind of affection from me. I left you. I think it hurt you and I never wanted to do that. But I was exhausted, drained of energy, constantly stressed out and confused. I miss you. I love you. I hate you. I want you. I texted you asking to see you. You wrote you were thinking of me and that you wanted to see me. Then you stopped replaying. How can you be so cold? I just want to feel like myself again. I want you back. I know that is not an option.

Instead: I called my friend.

L · day 22

What I have learned through all the chaos: 1. Never self abandon 2. I am worthy 3. Nothing (absolutely nothing) is worth my peace.

Instead: Focussed on filling my own cup.

Z · day 99

I'm not just grieving the loss of the relationship. I'm grieving the loss of who I thought you were. I'm grieving the loss of who I became with you. I'm grieving the loss of the future you promised. The one I worked towards. Every day, I've had to metaphorically bury another part of my life that was. I told you once, it felt like a funeral. Turns out it's been hundreds. Day after day. The irony is how someone who claims to have so much respect for the dead and the ancestors has no ability to emotionally care for the lives of the people who truly loved them. I survived. I survived myself and the worst you could throw at me. I hope that haunts you longer than the ghosts you cling to over the living.

Instead: Put the phone down. Went to bed.

Michelle · day 615

You are my biggest regret

Instead: Had a bath, made a coffe, journalled

Katie · day 21

funny how you think someone is stalking you You have never been that important nor are you anyone I'd ever want in my life. I don't care how you feel or think of me and same with whoever else that knows you. I don't remember a single thing about you and it brings me such JOY.

Anonymous

This is so difficult its like denying reality. Im awake, still full of all the best of it and empty, like grief. Im going so slow. Life doesnt have much meaning. My own son also started ghosting me . It started anout 9 years ago, and now has been all pervasive for a couple of years. Im in a sort of pergatory. They say we look at others as mirrors. there is an emptiness in being dumped. the word ghosting is corretc. Being the aware ghost. Trying to tell myslef its what it feels like to rebuild from nothing. But at least im still here.

Instead: Im trying to sleep. I feel so tired but Im wide awake.

Annie

im finding it difficult again today. I feel washed out, like not much left of me. I worked hard yesterday on the exhibition project and enjoyed thta, but I remmebr harry saying if you broke a leg you wouldnt be trying to runa amarthon. im also learning about the lose of hormones, of oxytocin, of adrenalin, maye thats why i feel flat. But he has done this thing to me, this ghosting, breadcrumbing and gaslighting too many times before and I do remember it felt worse then. I cant imagine ever feeling like being with anyone again. Then I saw the dating pack you are offering and it just made me even more depressed. I swiped past one guy who was apparently ok, because I didnt like his face. sorry, but aesthetics mean a lot to me as well. I wouldnt necessarily go for an obviously handsome man either because Id be wary there too. If I cant rely on my own feelings where I am, thenI dont think any ammount of training in what to beware of is going to help me date again. Im grieving. Thats enough in itself. theres no room for anything else. Im not looking out either so Im invisible again. I dont want to be angry, but I am. Its exhausting being angry. Its another wave I must ride. and truat. This time Im doing it. I really wnat to do the 30 days.

Instead: going slow.

annie · day 5

I miss you. I miss your dogs more. ♥️

Instead: Coffee, shower, walk.

S. · day 14

It'll take more than trimming your pubes to make it look bigger. #littlemanproblems

Instead: Put on some good music as distraction

Anonymous · day 72

You were exceptional. I had obvious red flags and behavior you should have cut anyone else for. And yet I wanted you in my life. The trust, the emotional maturity, the self-awareness, all that wasn't there within me. I never said I love you back, when you said it. We will never talk again. But I can finally say it, I love you. I'm hurt and I'm deeply sad that my actions caused us to not work out, and there's no alternative universe where I'm hugging you and kissing you on the top of my head. It won't ever be as as partners, or anything else, there was love. I am so sorry for all the pain I put you through.

Instead: remorseful for my actions towards someone that loved me unconditionally and I took it for granted

Anonymous

I said I never wanted to see you again and you keep doing the same fucking thing. Sending me shit via email as if I'm ever going to do said thing. You ruined my peace. I don't EVER want to be reminded of someone that invalidated how I felt, dismissed my feelings and emotions, treated everything I said like it was wrong. You legitimately sucked the joy and life out of me and all of my friends can see it. Everyone can see just how small you made me. LEAVE ME ALONE. I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN. I NEVER WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN. I DON'T WANT TO BE REMINDED OF A SINGLE THING ABOUT YOU. IF THERE'S EVER A HELL THAT EXISTS I WANT YOU THERE. I DON'T WANT YOU. I DON'T LIKE YOU. I DON'T LOVE YOU. THERE IS NOTHING BUT FEAR IN MY HEART ABOUT YOU. I DON'T LIKE ANY OF YOUR FRIENDS YOU ARE ALL HORRIBLE FUCKING PEOPLE.

Anonymous

Mi sembra ovvio dopo un mese di silenzio che tu abbia preso un'altra strada. Lo accetto, d'altronde avevi messo in chiaro la cosa fin dall'inizio: "senza aspettative e senza impegno", non potevo aspettarmi molto altro. Solo un suggerimento, per la prossima che verrà: evita tutte quelle manfrine romantiche, le smancerie, i complimenti esagerati: sono tutte cose che, oltre a non servire a niente, confondono chi sta dall'altra parte. Se vuoi scopare, basta dirlo senza bisogno di indorare la pillola. La franchezza è quasi sempre preferibile, alla nostra età. Ciao Manuel, vai con Dio.

Instead: Went to bed early

Anonymous · day 27

Genuinely can't wait for you to suffer the consequences of your actions along with your incel friends. You'll get enough of trying to impersonate someone online and making someone else the scapegoat of your foul actions

kysj

There’s a galaxy where you and I made it work. There weren’t police involved at the end. There were two healed versions of us that let our childhood souls be one. It was supposed to be that way my love. So many years before it all went wrong. I wish I knew that world. I have to accept that I truly held the sun in my hands for the time I was granted. I wish I had done better to care for it but I knew from the first day she wasn’t to be held. I pray you find your way prosperously, happily and fulfilling. My soul will find you in every sweet dog shadow, every whistle sound from the trees and the smell of cotton candy on a boardwalk wind. You can’t ever be forgotten. When I lost Bella I couldn’t have asked for anyone finer by my side, thank you for the comfort you offered her in her time of need. I am so thankful for the lessons, even if I had to pay a mighty price. I still love you and I always will but it has to be from a distance. I don’t pray for that to change, I pray to grow strong enough that it stops hurting.

Instead: I showed the most dignity I could and watched it all end.

C · day 365

****, I know we don’t talk much anymore, but just in case you wonder: I miss you. I miss your smile, your ridiculous laugh, and your fierce heart. I fell in love with all of you. And I miss you. I’m grateful for our time together. If you ever want to knock on my door again, I will answer you. All my best, ****

Instead: slept, cried, silked

Todd · day 180

How dare you? You pursued me wedged your way into my family. took advantage of my kindness as well as my children’s kindness and then disappeared. Not even a word of explanation or goodbye. Just totally discarded not only me but my children children. How dare you ? who do you think you are ? The only thing I wish for you is someone just like you dances into your world full of promises and walks out without a word. Good luck with that. I won’t be around to see it but good luck.

Instead: Breathe a side of relief as I recapture the peace that is my world.

Anonymous · day 31

To clarity, I hope your phone charger only works at one very specific angle. I hope you step on a Lego. I hope your sleeves get wet while you wash your hands. I hope your Wi-Fi disconnects when your upload is at 99 percent. I hope you always feel like you need to sneeze, but the sneeze never comes. I hope your headphones get violently ripped out of your ears by a doorknob I hope both sides of your toast land butter-side down. I hope your socks find a wet spot on the floor. I hope your video freezes right when you make an awkward facial expression on a video call. I hope your phone screen autorotates when you are lying down on your side. I hope you constantly misclick and close the tab you actually needed. I hope your Bluetooth speaker randomly disconnects to play your audio out loud at maximum volume. I hope your favorite app requires a mandatory password reset every time you open it. I hope your phone flashlight turns on inside your pocket and drains your entire battery. I hope your mouse cursor disappears right when you are about to click a tiny close button. I hope your automatic cloud backup pauses indefinitely right before your computer crashes.

Instead: cried about the abuse I endured for a year to a trusted friend

K · day 639

You're the last person that'll ever break my heart again or confused me on who I am. I hope you fucking rot along with the rest of your "friends". Bitter miserable people surround you and I hope one day you wake the fuck up and realize that. I deserved better.

Neku

You asked me if I had any regrets about our relationship - I dodged the question by replying that that was a brave question to ask. YES! I do. If I had my time again, I wouldn't do it. You are an abusive PoS. I gave you my love, my time and my energy. You gave me lies, inconsistency and betrayal. Fuck off.

Anonymous

I have never known pain like this, it’s visceral, hungry, savage, relentless. Losing you is tearing me apart, knowing I can’t reach out, knowing you don’t love me anymore is unbearable. But the knowing doesn’t lead to understanding. My mind can’t seem to grasp it. The panic that pools in my gut, the fear that has me pacing the floor at all hours. And the missing you, your smile, your voice, your stupid jokes. And the hope, how I hate my foolish hope, I dread it when a notification comes through on my phone, the hope that leaps in my heart. Every car that passes by I hope is you, every knock on the door I hope is you. And I hope and hope in vain. Oh please come back to me.

Instead: Went swimming

Anonymous

I think what I’m most angry about is the fact that you’ve still got my clitoral suction toy. And it miss it. I know going to the post office is a pain in the arse, but you’ve got my address, if you don’t want to go to the post office, be kind and get me a new one delivered. Do the right thing.

Instead: Had a wank with an inferior sex toy.

Anonymous · day 30

How do you go about blaming someone who easily saw that you didn't take a single thing about them seriously when you lied about who you were from the get go. You can't talk about communicating with someone then blaming them for pulling away. That's on you. They don't want you back, I want them as far away from you as possible. You caused enough fucking harm to them where some simple apology is never going to undo the abuse you put them through. You made their grieving process much worse and unecessarily longer. It's not their fault you couldn't be vulnerable and used it against them. Keep your obsessed friend away from them. You're a disgusting human being.

kxs

If only you knew that leaving you was the most painful thing I’ve ever done, and even though you treated me in ways I didn’t deserve, I still love you, I still don’t want you to be in pain. I gave you my heart, you didn’t protect it. Sometimes it feels like a heartbreak I will never recover from.

Instead: Listened to music, played with my son, went for a walk.

Marie · day 180

You really are insane to try and get an ex labeled as crazy when you consistently and intentionally gaslit them with the help of your therapist and shitty friends. I hope you choke.

danni

You were my favorite person. I doubt I will find what we had again. I gave you seven years, the best of my life. I wish we were still together, but I couldn't get over the abuse. Couldn't get over your contempt, your demands, your criticism, your dismissiveness, the absence of emotional safety. You stopped liking me long ago, meanwhile I wanted to share everything with you because I knew how good you could be. I had to choose myself, and I will regret it for the rest of my life.

Instead: went back to work

Marie · day 500

I wrote this to him between times he ghosted me and was seeing someone an ex, “a psycho ex” in the in-between, though it was not yet confirmed. I read it to him on a night we got together. I thought he would laugh at it since he made fun of my writing: The Lure of the Broken Mirror Her love was a shelter, solid and clear, A perfect, calm light that banished all fear. She offered her whole heart, honest and true, A kindness too steady for him to step through. It was whole, and complete, and utterly safe— And safety, for him, felt like a deep chafe. He saw in her depths the man he could be, And panicked at such raw accountability. If he took that great love, he must truly become Something healed, and responsible, not cold and numb. The weight of perfection was far too much strain, So he ran to the source of familiar, sharp pain. He found someone broken, a storm and a fight, Whose chaos matched perfectly his self-blaming blight. A love that demanded, then vanished, then bit— A dizzying drama where nothing quite fit. In that jagged mirror, he finally could rest, Because proving his failure felt somehow the best. He chose the toxic shadow, the one that betrayed, Because true, deep acceptance made him afraid. He could manage the wound, the expected quick sting, But not the profound, healing comfort that she could bring. He traded the compass for sparks in the dark, Leaving her bright, faithful love unmarked. The ended up sobbing and saying I truly saw him. He ghosted me a month later and I never reached out again. Sometimes I re-read it to remind myself that he prefers easy and toxic over the challenges of accountability and deep acceptance.

Instead: I cry, get angry, then meditate and book a counselling session.

Laurie · day 210

I moved on, but I will hate you for the rest of my life. You picked me up when I was vulnerable and asking for nothing, made me trust and love you, then put me down without any explanation. You lied to me, pretending you cared about me. You lied to everyone else. Lied to your wife. You broke my heart and I still have to see you at work. I wish you would apologize, but I know better. Instead I hope your illness gets the better of you, I hope you live in grief and regret. You had me and I was so above your league. I deserved better.

Instead: Building life with someone who truly loves me.

Marie · day 241

i miss you, you broke my heart. i just want to cry. you were my soft landing but you abandoned me and now i feel lost and alone and i know you feel the same because you’ve told me so. You chose to live without me you sacrificed our love to live in the past with a photograph of your wife who died 3 and a half years ago beside you and fell into the bosom of your grown up children and their partners living their happy normal lives, but they didn’t accept me and they made you choose them over your happiness with me and you let them you never stood up to them you said to them that i’d been to you but you never actually had the balls to tell them that you LOVED ME and now you say you’re not happy and you don’t think you ever will be….. what do you expect me to do with that now 4 months after you left me on my birthday because you’re daughter aged 44 got married and didn’t invite me? how can you allow them to be so cruel to me and then go on to abandon me yourself. It was very unfair which you have admitted but i still miss you and wish things were different too but i don’t think you deserve my kindness.

Instead: had a gin and tonic wrote message on here to get support from everyone else in a similar situation

Rebecca · day 120

You drove someone to the point of insanity, there's no way you're acting like some victim. As if being abandoned was any sort of justification on putting someone through such psychological abuse.

Anonymous

I hope karma catches up with you. And doesn’t use lube. May the financial hell you put me through make me stronger and more resilient. I do not miss you. I wish I had been stronger and never let you into my life.

Instead: Went for a 15km walk. Now I’m in a better head space and enjoying the muscle aches and fatigue.

Anonymous · day 4745

You took all the best *things* from the house when you moved out. You went to a beautiful new apartment with a new person and left the mess of 25 years behind for me to deal with. You don't even realize you got the worst end of the deal while thinking you'd won. You left me with our kids and our dog. You enjoy the TV and electronics while I'm enjoy the little loves of my life. I'd trade it all away for them again a thousand times over. You don't even know the value of what you discarded. I almost feel sorry for you, because there's no coming back or undoing for you.

Instead: I took the dog for a long walk, took my son out for ice cream and sent a silly care package to my daughter away at college.

Anonymous · day 4

I thought I meant more to you than this. You took my heart and crushed it without a second thought.

Bex · day 75

It's not too late. You think you are protecting me, making the right call for both of us by leaving me. So that you can face yourself in the mirror. Because you thought you didn't or couldn't feel the same depth of love for me. We had something worth fighting for. We each had a person who could be there for us in the quiet times, as well as the tough times. And give us a reason to smile. We were building a family/a home. A person we want to grow old with. A relationship takes work. And it is f***ing terrifying to be vulnerable. I'm not asking you to change overnight. I'm asking you to take a step towards me and know that I will catch you. That you can be yourself with me, and still be loved for the man you are. We each carry our trauma, and I took you and your support for granted these last 2 years. I don't know why were both so afraid to say how we feel and want we want. I just want you, as you are. Not perfection. Just you.

Instead: Went in and looked at my sleeping daughter

Anonymous · day 120

You have been my friend at a distance for 8 years. You brought me medicine and food when I had COVID. You helped me move to an apartment. You took care of my house and pets multiple times while I visited family or went on my first vacation in over 20 years. We have been to movies, plays, on jeep rides, and walks around the park. BUT you were always there in the between times. When HE discarded me or when I had to leave him. You helped the pain ease, but I was not emotionally ready to date or pursue anything beyond friendship. You watched as I went back to him, time and again. I am 36 days post breakup. I don't even know how many times I have been here. This time I have maintained my distance from you. I want you to know how much you have meant to me through the years BUT I need to put myself back together, slowly, methodically, and make sure that I do not bleed on someone who didn't cut me. I need to make sure I have not romanticized the kind of man you are because you were there in some of my darkest moments where ANYTHING would feel like light. I hope I can say these things to you some day. Even if we are always in the friend zone. I hope I can apologize for any pain I have caused you...and that we BOTH can find happiness.

Instead: Went back to work...why do I always fall apart here....when I need to be the strongest...when I cannot cry it out or scream into my pillow!

LR · day 35

It has changed, If you came back you would have to be really convincing. An apology, an acknowledgement and saying you love and miss me. That you made a mistake, that you have found it really difficult to admit and you hope I will find it in my heart to forgive you. Just letting the universe know, because actually the universe doesnt like what you have done at all, so you are going to have to do the sort of work on yourself you have never ever done. And I might reply, you have to go back to day one. Its atrts with a big bunch of flowers. it continues to a really expensive meal and whatever i want to eat and drink, and taxis either way. then it includes presents you should have given me but didnt. It includes getting people who you have coerced into destroying this relationship the opportunity to apolgise to me. including your son to whom you must apologise. then theres the holiday but this time you pay for it all like you said you would, bvut didnt. Then it comes all the way with always replying in good time and never leaving me hanging and if you make a mistake, we are all human, you apologise and make good. It also includes you addressing th damage you have done to me, to my nervouse system and to my work, so you will ocme round and help me doing the sort of things most pyfriends wouldnt think twice about. help me set up my telly, and put the shaving mirror up, whicch after all i bought for you. Lets see how close that comes to anything you might sya to me. A long way I expect. But Im willing to be surprised.

Instead: Going to the post office then coming back to attempt to get the work done I would have been doing happily without your appaling behaviour and the destruction you reaked on my life

Annie

You promised me everything so that I said yes to you. I ignored the flaws, the odd comments until they became the mean comments and then the apologies stopped, the trying to not do it stopped and it all became my issue , my reaction to your cruelty. You have been there for me I’m some tough times but you’ve also trampled on me when I have been down and I feel destroyed in the process and broken hearted. You were supposed to be my safe place and a new beginning but now I’m left to start again.

Instead: Had a coffee, did some work

Anonymous

It makes me sick seeing you live your life with no consequences. How come you get to live a happy life, where I’m left to pick up the pieces?

Instead: Listened to a positive affirmation about being enough.

Anonymous

Not once..NOT ONCE. I faked it EVERYTIME…..

Anonymous · day 600

Holy mother... how can I still be caught up in the nightmare of trying to explain myself to you? You are totally committed to misunderstanding and setting yourself up to be the poor "bad guy." I cannot believe how long I believed your crap! Manipulative barstool, you are free to roam with the rest of your kind.

Instead: Off to watch a comedy show!

Anonymous · day 14

When they said they didn't want to see you or anyone else connected to you ever again, they meant it and I'm enforcing it heavily now. Not everyone has the same parental trauma as you and even if they did, that doesn't give you the right to act like what you're doing is healing or helping them when you intentionally trigger someone and act like some dense moron baffled at the reaction you got. You never believed anything about them which is why I care less on being "kind" to someone like you. Your whole "empathy" and "compassion" shtick you got going on for you isn't going to work because you're faker than movie blood. You're an asshole and so is anyone else that helped you abuse them. You KNOW what you did and continue to fucking deny it because all you can do is invalidate and dismiss other people's feelings and emotions because that's what your shitty ass parents did to you. At a certain point, them reasoning with you was a waste of time and a waste of energy. No amount of communicating with you would ever help someone who thinks they know everything when they don't. I wouldn't expend dwindling spoons teaching a grown ass man empathy or compassion and neither would they. If you truly had it you wouldn't call them grieving beloved friends "issues". You're an asshole and I'm glad they broke up with you because my intuition was correct after all especially after they explained everything you did to them to me especially after you admitted to them that you used them to get over an ex. You are a controlling and bitter man who is so flabbergasted that your looks aren't getting you anywhere in your love life and neither is all the money you're making. Ever thought it's because of your character? That you surround yourself with other bitter incels because of your huge ass ego you can't let go of? What you did to them and refuse to even acknowledge? What you continue to do and act like everything was their fault without accepting your hand in that? You did that yourself no one else. I'd tell you what you did wrong but I'm not about to give you more ideas on how to manipulate someone else especially someone 10 years younger than you. Maybe date people within your age instead of trying to groom the younger generation that wouldn't know any better. The punishment was them leaving and getting rid of everything about you you self-centered asshole. Every time I think about you, I get angry at how you treated them, what they put up with, what they excused, and the entire time you acted like you had no clue as to what you're doing. Your therapist knew. They probably knew what you were trying to do to them in the first place and tried to get you to stop. Maybe focus less on trying to be liked and loved by everyone because of your parental trauma. No one has anything to do with it nor is anyone else responsible with healing your abandonment wound that you clearly have. Try not psychoanalyzing others and learn what trust truly is because all you do is damage it at every turn you take. Or maybe lay off being a terminally online asshole because you can't fathom that might be the reason why nothing ever works out for you. Start there and you'll go pretty fucking far.

Instead: met the love of my life who is a complete joy to be around after helping them escape an abusive boyfriend

Z

In reality you never chose me. I was your potential partner. You had fooled me to believe that I was never open and clear about my feelings towards you. Eventually you were never honest with yourself and you needed to villainize me in order to be able to sleep at night guilty free. You were dishonest, inconsistent and you ultimately disrespected me by ghosting me after you left me alone ,naked in that hotel room bearing alone all the emotional burden for both of us.

N · day 90

Hi Adam, It has been 18 months since we broke up and not a day goes by that I don't think of you. Some days I think of you a lot. I miss you, yet I know breaking up was the best thing we could do for each other. I hate that we are now strangers. One day I hope to feel neutral and maybe, just maybe we could be in each other's lives...but maybe not.

Instead: I know I could never send anything, the anxiety of waiting for a response would do me in

K · day 540

I loved you with all my heart like I have never loved anyone in my life I feel hurt that you lied to me because I’d hoped that it would be forever I hope you think of me someday like I still think of you everyday

Instead: Went for a walk

Debs · day 679

Its happening again ... we have a date planned .... you tell me that you are shattered and In bed ... but I can see that you are online. I hate feeling like this .... now not sure what to do .. is there any point carrying on when I feel this doubt already?.

Instead: Went to bed!

Anonymous

I think about you most days. I wish I hadn’t been so scared at 16 when you declared yourself. I wish I had said yes. Now we are nearly 24 years down the track and I don’t know you at all anymore, and you certainly don’t know me… We have somehow always seemed to just miss each other but stay connected. You are of course in love with someone else, which I would never dare meddle with. …But… I fear I will always wonder what could have been… and until I stop loving you no one else stands a chance.

Instead: Watched love island 🤦‍♀️

Anonymous

I miss you... I will never reach out. These are just last efforts of my brain to try and hold on to you... You made me believe that I finally found the person that will stay. I told you my biggest fear is that you'll leave when things get hard since you have history of doing that. You said you're wiser now. And then you ended up doing exactly that. Now I am left broken, unable to understand what happened because you told me you'll always be there. I am healing, I am being on my own, figuring out my role in all of this. And I will become a better version of myself, for myself. And I pray to God I never encounter a weak man as you are. I deserve more.

Instead: Went on with my day.

Tina · day 53

I can’t believe you just disappeared. Knowing I feared abandonment so much. It’s the cruelest thing you could do. You promised me more than once that you wouldn’t. You’ll say you didn’t, but I’ve kept the messages, some proof that this betrayal is real. I want to hurt you as much as you hurt me. An article, a story, the videos to go with it. Written, waiting for a day that feels auspicious enough to hit send. To burn it all down. The facade and the lies, the hypocrisy of the life you lead. I wait, maybe you’ll message and apologise, say you were busy, struggling, it will be a lie. You’re just cruel.

Anonymous · day 30

I still love you, and I think a piece of me will always love you, but I can't stay here. You've broken my heart and discarded me like our life together meant nothing. You're on dating apps and fucking anything that moves while simultaneously telling me that you miss me and can't be in a relationship right now. Well, by the time you stop and think and realize what you're missing I will be long gone. And I will forever be sad that you couldn't take a look at yourself and put in the work, but it's not my job to fix you. Goodbye. I hope you're miserable until you're dead.

Instead: Watched a movie with my daughter

Anonymous · day 13

It hasn’t even been a month since we said goodbye and I just found out you were sleeping with someone else days after you broke up with me. It made connect the dots about why you were in such a rush to break up with me after 7 years of marriage. It makes sense now why there wasn’t even room for a conversation to fix things or find repair. You must have betrayed me while I was away and you didn’t have the balls to come clean, it was easier to discard me and say that “I wanted something you could never give”. Finding out you were preparing a romantic date with someone less than 2 weeks after you discarded me, brought me down to my knees and brought back the pain I felt the moment you left me. I can’t believe you are and have always been this man. I can’t believe you did this to me after we so intensely swore each other that we would never cheat on each other, that we would have respect for each other and break up before doing anything with anyone else. It was the one and only thing you gave: “your word” and now I see that you didn’t even have that to give. You are such a disappointment and I hate myself for being in such painful agony and heartache for someone like you.

Instead: Get a really hot shower

Sara · day 30

Day 24. Still here. Still have your old junk in my garage. You need to get it gone. I replaced you with a greyhound who knows what he wants. He wants love, food, snuggles, walks, & peace. That makes two of us. Oh, just so you know, he’s better looking than you and smells better.

Instead: Cuddled with Greyhound.

Rose · day 24

You say you want to be with me. That you will be with me. But it’s been over a year and you are still married to her. You ask me to be patient but I don’t know that I can be patient any longer. You’re losing me and you don’t even realise.

Instead: Cried.

Anonymous

You made me feel big,strong and wanted for the first time,like I was a good man,there was a comfort and ease from our first date,you weren't my type but I fell head over heals Now I'm broken,sad and confused as fuck It's horrible

Instead: Walked my dog in the woods

Jay · day 120

A 40 year relationship and marriage not always perfect we were very young and there were ups and downs. But soo good and such fun to find for the last 20 you have had another relationship has floored me I did not see that coming at all and not cos I was blind we were good, affectionate, fun and good.

Instead: Screamed

Anonymous · day 5

You used to make me ask before spending anything over twenty quid, even with my own wages. Well... I bought those designer heels yesterday, the ones you wouldn't get me for my birthday. Didn't ask anyone, didn't explain myself to anyone. Just bought them. Felt incredible

Instead: Wore them round them round the house all evening just because I could, didn't even have anywhere to go

Cherry · day 40

Started typing something to you, deleted it. Decided this needed to go here instead. Dear me, from back when losing him felt like losing everything. Remember lying awake for hours some nights, dead convinced this was just how things were now. You used to think about him constantly, first thing waking up, last thing before bed, like he'd set up camp somewhere in your chest and you didn't know how to get him out. Wish I could reach back and tell you the version of you lying there right now, completely wrecked, convinced this is forever, isn't the whole story. Sounds impossible to believe when you're in it, though; it felt impossible to me too, back when I was you, back when even getting out of bed felt like something worth telling someone about. You're gonna cry way more than feels normal for one person to cry. You're gonna have days where you feel almost okay and then something stupid, a song, a smell, some random coincidence, knocks you right back down again. That's normal though. Doesn't mean you're not healing, just means it's not the neat straight line everyone keeps going on about. As Harry says, healing isn't linear. But I need you to know what's coming too, because you deserve that. You're gonna laugh again, really laugh with tears falling down your face. You're gonna meet people who make you feel completely at ease without even trying. You're gonna have whole weeks go by where you don't think about him once, not even a flicker, and when you clock that's happened, it'll feel like this weird quiet win. If only he could see you now. Not even out of spite, just pure disbelief at how far you've come from that person stuck on the floor thinking this was the end of everything good in her life. You got that promotion you'd talked yourself out of even applying for, finally took yourself off on that trip you always said you'd do "one day", started running again after years of just talking about it. Put yourself out there dating again too, some of them a total flop, but it was a laugh more often than not, and it felt good just trying. You laugh out loud again. You make plans without checking them against how he'd feel about it first. You take up space in your own life instead of shrinking round the edges of his. I'm so proud of you. Know you can't feel any of this yet, sitting where you are, and that's fine. Don't need to believe it today. Just know it's coming, all of it, the laughing, the lightness, the mornings where he's just some bloke who used to matter instead of the centre of everything. You get there. I promise.

Instead: Read this back twice, cried a bit, happy tears this time though, then made myself a pornstar martini and ordered a takaway

Tasha · day 390

I'll type it all one day, when I have the energy. But for now I'll just say that you disgust me. In fact, disgust doesn't cover it. And I'm quite proud I've reached that point because I used to worship the ground you walked on. But now I see you exactly what you are, a total coward - and it's beyond pathetic. Let's see how you fair when your mask slips with your clique of enablers. Good enough for you.

Instead: Anything but make contact, because I know it would be pointless.

Anonymous · day 170

I am angry with you, yet I miss you and am still attached to you. That just means to me, that you are asking me to walk away from something real. I am indeed shocked, in disbelief, that have not chosen me. On a good day, I think you are such a fool, and although I consider it a loss for both of us, I resolve to be ok and look for love elsewhere. But in hard moments (which I am experiencing right now) I long for you and feel so completely abandoned. I know that you not wanting to be with me should disqualify you to me…. But the problem is I don’t really believe it… because I still believe that you love me too…. And ultimately would always come to my need. I guess that’s maybe part of my dysfunction, my anxious attachment that I need to keep in-check, because you so clearly are and have chosen to leave me. I don’t understand what is wrong with you, no matter how much I study and try to diagnose it….. you are still making a choice to walk away from someone for loves you, prioritizes you and treats you well. I can only conclude that you never really loved me, you must have just been going through the motions…. Which means you were using me & always intended on leaving?…. So I say now, F—- YOU… And shame on you! It’s not ok to treat people like that Mike! It’s selfish & wreckless. Yes, I am still waiting for you to tell me that I am wrong, that you were scared…. But now willing to face your fears of healthy relationship consistent connection, vulnerability and intimacy. To realize you will not lose yourself…. That you can be real with people and still be you. I always imagine you did the same thing with Jean….. you could never tell me why she wasn’t right for you. To have a fantasy ex, the one that “got away”…. Even though it wasn’t so very great in reality….. lets you have one foot out the door. Quit using people as temporary band-aids! I am so angry with you about that. But yet, I know I can love another properly, and I want that for myself. What pisses me off is that we could be that for each other, but because you will not face & take on your insecurities, we both must be alone and lonely? It’s such a waste. And I resent you for not partnering with me, after so much investment and decisive commitment to you, which throws me back into the online dating mess…. That I do not want to be in …. Because I already found you and want you to be my person. Yes, I expect some things to change…. But they are all normal relationship stuff of including the one you love into your life. I guess I believe you will eventually do that with someone…. And I am so insulted you haven’t done it with me. I know that’s the reason I should not want you; but I just don’t believe you really mean it; I still think you love me; maybe I am the fool. The reason I think you should be choosing me is because I am willing, and have still been, working with you on this. That should make you love me more and more. But as far as I know, it hasn’t. Yes, I am waiting for you to tell me differently. I wish you would tell me that I am wrong …. Or better yet, that you are now finally ready and that you are willing to take on your own anxieties and that I am worth the effort. That you love me & my little one, that you want to be the man in our lives, that you will stay and not abandon us again. That you love us and want to do life with us and your kids…. And that you were just scared. That you are grateful to have found us, and that we can make each other’s lives better. I wish you would. ❤️ I’m sending this to an UNSENT tool. I have now read dozens of these….. from some women who are clearly farther along than me…. These have been inspirational. I’m in love with what I have decided is your potential…. Not the reality of what I have experienced these past 3 years. You choose not to contribute to my life, it’s not a true my loss, only a loss of potential, a dream, not of something real. You don’t deserve me or my dreams; but I do. I’m better off without you; as you have often said. What a crock! Who lives like this? Since you continue to think this way, I am so better off without you. You are such a fool….. and I have spent too much time trying & hoping you will change. This is such a loss for you 🙄. But I still have my peace and dignity.

Instead: Coffee, shower, go outside, call friend….. going g to enjoy this beautiful day. I’m free, I turn to myself, never again to out my emotional well being into another person. I’ll be back on the apps later…. I’m doing a lot of Burned Haystack method; if you know you know. I’ll commit to do the Anxious Attachment pack again. Incorporating habitual breathwork. Thanks Harry & Dadhugs crew!

Kimberly · day 370

I wish we could be friends, id love to still love you, just different

Instead: Had an everything shower, watched telly in fresh sheets with my cats beside me

Shorty · day 2

I know I was not supposed to fall in love with you - but I did. I tried my best not to cherish this unexpected, inappropriate feelings that grew in my heart - I really did! It was all innocent fun and games, until it wasn’t anymore… I have no claim on you and never will, but your name was written on my heart without my permission. And now this heart is broken and I am trying really hard to keep it all together. If i could only know if it meant something to you at all, all those ‘accidental’ touches and your blue eyes piercing into my soul. Were you just playing a game, or did it also feel like home? Months ago I told you that this cannot happen, that this flirting can never go anywhere. I also mentioned that i have started growing feelings for you, but that this CANNOT HAPPEN… you broke me when you said that you did not mean it that way, and that I am like a sister to you. But now it feels like you are chasing harder… and my heart cannot deal… you said that you did not want to admit it earlier… and boy, you are making it hard to side step you. Insinuating that you will kiss me if we ever had an alone moment.. Today broke me - did you try to say something to me with the song you said I should listen? Because that song… dear H, that song feels like it came out of my own heart. How? How will I ever completely get you out of my heart. How will it ever heal… To me it feels like the wrong place, wrong time but perfect person… we could have been awesome… but we never will be. We can never be… and thats ok… I just wish I knew if this affected you the way it affected me… I don’t say this lightly - ever. But hear me when I say, I love you.

Anonymous

I have never been so close to being irreparably broken as I was when you ended things. I have also never been so unhinged without the slightest clue at the time as to what the hell was wrong with me. Disappointingly, I know that's not your first experience of someone being so emotionally traumatised by your behaviour that it takes them weeks, MONTHS, to recognise themselves again. And you did it to me anyway. That's on you. I used to hope that you would get the help to be a more open, loving, receiving human. But truth be told, I couldn't care less what happens to you or how your life turns out. Because I've kept moving, mostly forward, mostly upward, mostly ahead. Not because of you. Not in spite of you. But because I am good enough, smart enough, driven enough, supported enough, loved enough and because I just got on and did it. Because I wanted to.

Instead: Everything and anything else.

Fliss · day 617

I still don't understand why you disappeared the second time around? After 20 years. Why? You were divorced. I was getting there. We could have made it work. I moved on but sometimes I still wonder what happened & especially how I could have been so wrong about our connection...

Instead: Delete

x

I miss being goofy with you. I miss you kissing me in the middle of the night when you “find” me in bed. I miss the sound of your voice. I miss you, and I miss us.

Instead: Deep breathing

Anonymous · day 180

What happened? Love doesn’t hurt like this. My heart wasn’t your playground. You were careless, cruel, and reckless with a gentle and vulnerable soul. I loved you in every way I knew how and you just “retreated” leaving me with a bag of broken heart pieces to carry. Fucking garbage. Shame on you, I deserved so much better. And so does your wife?

Instead: Nothing.

Ski · day 60

I still really like you even thought you don’t deserve it! I melt whenever I look at your face, and I really wish I could tell you that I want a relationship with you and that I want you to treat me better and talk to me more often not only when it’s convinient to you! And I hate that you take initiative and help any other musician and support them and go to their concerts but you never even like a post of mine or compliment my work. And I hate that I feel like I need your validation, when I know my worth! Yes, it’s a narcissistic mother wound and I am cursed to attract people like her until I learn a lesson, but haven’t I learn all the lessons already? I am TIRED!

Instead: I keep it in a folder somewhere and never send it!

G · day 2

I am so devastated that you could walk away so easily from our quarter of a century together. I brought it to head but I wanted you to fight for us. Instead you took the easy route and ran away. I am so hurt, but if I am honest with myself, I always knew you didn’t have the strength to do the hard stuff. And now I am angry at myself for carrying you and everyone and everything for so long and hoping it would be different and that you would choose me.

Instead: Went out for dinner with a friend

Anonymous · day 28

i really wish I was saying this to you. You came when I got out of prison when i was arrested for proetstign climate change and because of that, even though you were always essnetilsly as muggle, I gave you credit. As a resultn of which the firstb time you ghoste dme was when they gave me the honour of leading a march again st climate change back in 2019.. but that was the first time you ghosted me. Id been in prison already and `i was really upset. you now have the amazing artwork for that and more. it ois so vlauable. it is framed in your house. what will you tell the women you get to vcome to your bed about why?? You had a true person who gave up thier liberty for you and for love. and you itiched her. will you sell it ? if you do ypou are selling your soul that I was protecticting. I will shout this till my dying day. I was brilliant. and the woman who introduced you to me, was the woman who has to,d you to break off with me because I feel toom much. I say too much. she broke off with em and you are her acolyute and my heart is broken that you never woke up to me. you came when the police broken down my door. you held me when i wa soi afraid., then you left and I was doing it for every oen and for love. that is massive evil in my eyes. that is betrayeal and I cant stop loving you and everyone one. it is what I am made of and it hurts.

Instead: went to bed cried again

annie · day 973

I saw your weddingpictures on Instagram. I don't even follow you, but still was confronted with your new life. I don't miss you one bit, but it makes me angry seeing you move on without any consequences. I'm the broken one dealing with the mess you made, while you're acting in your new role. Because that's what you do, act! People tell me I should forgive you, but I can't. I hope she treats you as you treated me. Leaving you crying to God, asking, praying to remove the hurt from your heart. Now I pray to God thanking him for saving me from you!

Instead: Cried, prayed and moved on with my day.

Anonymous · day 526

You let her send post to 'our' house

Instead: Realised it can't be undone, an apology would mean nothing. I see him as the coward he is now

Anonymous · day 350

I miss you and our life together. Its been a year but still think about you every day. But there were 2 sides to you: the side I loved with all my heart and the dark side that I can never forgive. When my brain automatically plays our highlight reel, I force myself to remember the horrors. You'll never find me now, I have a new life, a new name, new friends, a new home and a different car. And I moved 300 miles away where I never have to look over my shoulder.

Instead: I'm sitting in my local micropub having my usual Friday night pint on my own (just the one) and chatting lightly to the barman. I love my new town and my new life.

Rachel · day 287

so glad this is here because every day I am dealing with the fall out. Its extraordinary how cruel you were. You didnt turn up for a date, you turned your phone off, then you shout at me at 8 in the evening because I had to ask your son to get you to call me, and you didnt just simply apologise. yu shouted, it upset me so much because its a series of times when oyu choose not to reassure me. Why do i need reassurence? becuase you had started to breadcrumb. ie not give as much to me as I was giving to you. Its a slow starvation. then this incident , you chose to ghost after, saying I was over reacting. It got worse and worse because it destrabilsed my nervous system. last time you did it in Alpril I thgrew up every day for 2 months. God knows why i took you back, but Harrys kit says its the nervous system, and it thinks that getting together again is the cure. but its not, its the poison. At our age its even more sad, i spent time getting to know you. to me that means a lot, and to sleep with you, to me is sacred. So I do feel a bit raped, a bit used. Actually Im going to name it, I feel a bit raped. My sanctity has been abused. Your ability to disregard another human being let alone the one who you said is your partner is diabolical. But I saw friends in the pub yesterday and they said, the universe hates you because of what you have done to me. Still inside myself I dont want to let hate in. I see myself as loving. You havent stolen that from me.

Instead: going to have a drink with another lovley friend who agrees with the people in the pub yesterday.

annie again · day 2

You broke me. Said that I was overreacting, too sensitive and that you didn't have time to analyze things sll day that I did acvording to you. You shamed me for not beeing as busy as you, for wanting to hold your hand in public. In the end also for wanting sex with you. You made me feel likeI could never behave or live up to your standards. Then you said you couldn't give what I needed. Please don't do this to anyone else. I miss you. I hate you.

Instead: Breath and cry.

L · day 15

I thought we could be friends. After we broke up. But I still am full of rage at what you did to me. You were cruel then said you were just joking. And I was too sensitive. It worked I started to break down until I finally left you. I still hate you and I don’t want to see you

Instead: Deketed from my phone

Anonymous · day 380

All the questions running through my mind, Wondering why? I thought I knew you, to some degree. Now, I’m left feeling like I really never knew thee. Did you not see I was struggling? Did you not see I was already drowning? Trying to come up for gasps of air, And then you go off to betray me, lie to me, question my reality and say you needed an escape! This wasn’t your first ‘escape’ though, was it? What exactly are you escaping from? What is it that you keep trying to run away from? Your unhealed parts of self that you are not willing to face? Or were you just running from a life you did not truly want to embrace? Or was it that you just needed to feel alive again with someone else, at the cost of me, at the cost of us. Who can ever tell when you don’t even know yourself. In retrospection, there was never an ‘us’ It was all an illusion for you, another box in life you felt you needed to tick. While I remembered and respected our vows, our marriage and did all I could to make it stick. A life I envisioned, now just ashes and dust. Keeping you at a distance now feels like a must. I hope you find what you are looking for, someday. I hope you are able to figure out that emptiness, that void you so desperately chase to fill. I hope you can find it in yourself to not hurt people anymore. Knowing you better than you know yourself, it’s probably an idea you’d kill. Well, that has nothing to do with me anymore, not my battle to understand or fight. As I guard myself from the likes of people like yourself who set good things alight. As I recover, rest, heal, only to grow and get stronger. I’ll be ok, I know I will be. I know me and who I am at my core. As for you, a man I thought I knew but no longer recognise, are you ever going to be able to say the same or ever be anything more? A reflective monologue written by myself. I wrote this nearly a year ago whilst still holding to bleak hope. Hope for change, hope for honesty, hope for repair however none of that surfaced. As women, we are constantly told to stay quiet, to suffer in silence and to keep matters to ourselves however in my professional and personal work, I realised that this is not my shame to carry, not my burden to endure. As this chapter of my life comes to a close, I’ve learnt so many things about myself during this time; I will continue to lead a more authentic life, continue to lead with kindness and compassion, to be true to myself, always trust my intuition and to never abandon myself to keep someone else comfortable and happy. Never again at the cost of me! S

Instead: Cried, cried and cried some more!

Stacy · day 365

You lied to me when you proposed a "committed relationship." Lied about both the commitment and the relationship. But, I was the one who kept giving you chances. I was traumatized by caregiving and grief, I was vulnerable and alone. It was just too hard to admit that I was so stupid. So, I let you back again, and again, and again. We tried four times across three years before I was finally done. You knew my life was shattered when you targeted me. Because we had been friends. You were one of the best men I knew. And, you knew me, knew what happened. I thought, since you knew me BEFORE the trauma, you could help me back to the person I was. I would never have guessed that you would leverage our friendship, and your reputation, to lie to get me into bed. But, you knew you would get away with it. I didn't recognize it at first. It was still the pandemic, so it wasn't odd that we didn't go to busy restaurants, but ate picnics by the water. When you'd sneak away from work early to see a Thursday afternoon movie I thought you were making time for me in your busy schedule - not going to an empty theater. Then, there was the movie you walked me out the emergency exit, under the screen, up the dark stairs I could barely see, and I wondered, "Why are we going out this way? This is silly. Are we sneaking out? Are we avoiding being seen???" I didn't say anything- I just filed it away. I think that was the first red flag. No. It wasn't. The first red flag came shortly after we slept together and you, so casually, said, "I don't like 'relationships'" The man who had asked me to be in a "committed relationship" did not like "relationships." I heard it. I didn’t say anything then. You had propositioned someone who was shattered and disconnected. You were expecting that silence. I heard and I saw and I knew, but I had no voice. But, I filed it away. I filed away all of it. Because I saw all of it. The breadcrumbing, the future faking, the pocketing, and lying... when you car wasn't home that night, I set a trap to catch you cheating. I saw, I knew. I caught you. I was strong enough to catch you and break-up with you. But, it tore me apart. You were this great guy. Everyone loved you. An active member of your church, you taught catechism classes and mentored teen boys! And, you were treating me so badly. I did not, yet, understand that this is how toxic men work: the amazing public façade covers the abusive private behavior. I did not, yet, understand that this was NOT my stupidity. I was picked by a predator who knew I'd trust his reputation, and calculated that, in my trauma, I'd tolerate disfunction, toxcity, and abuse. And, I guess to you, it looked like I did tolerate it. After a few months, I accepted your apology and let you back into my life. I didn't feel happy with you. I just couldn't tolerate feeling so stupid. I know that doesn't make sense: if I felt stupid letting you into my life the first time, why would I feel better by doing it again?? Wouldn't it be smarter - stronger - to catch you and be done. Full stop? Because, I wasn't strong - not yet, anyway - so I needed to see more of you to be smart. Yes, I let you back into my life, and I filed away more toxic traits. The boundaries you pushed - but I held anyway. The holidays you skipped out on - so I went with friends and sent photos of me having a great time. All the repairs and renovations to my home I made without you. I was recovering from my trauma - physically and emotionally - and rebuilding my entire life without you. Well, not completely without you, yet. You would orbit in and out of my life- ghosting me after about 6 months. Did you expect that I would chase you? Were you used to anxious women who would beg you to come back? I never chased, and I never begged. I had been shattered, but I was never anxiously attached. And, I was getting stronger without you. So, after four cycles of a "situationship" (or as I coined it a "relationshit") you ghosted me for the last time. Were you hurt when I sent you the text 2 weeks later calling you a distraction that never meant much? Were you insulted that I THANKED YOU for leaving? Because you ghosted me juat days before my mom was diagnosed with cancer. My mom was now dying, and I was relieved you were gone. I was never going to pour my time and energy into someone who didn't reciprocate. So, I would have ended this "thing" my way if you hadn't have ended it your way. I had no fond memories, and feltbno great loss. I told you as much - because that is the way you wanted it. And, YOUR WAY now benefits ME. All that was eight months ago. Mom got sicker and I cared for her - with support from friends I had built in your absences. Mom died and I went to the funeral - with friends who I had gone on holidays you wouldn't spend with me. I am cleaning out her house - with help from people who actually care for me. And, I am decorating her home to make it mine - without having to negotiate anyone elses tastes or preferences. I am not the shattered, grieving widow you preyed upon five years ago. The one who lost her partner in a pandemic, and was piecing her home back together after a natural disaster. The one reeling from all the secondary losses of friendships and financial income. I am healthier now. And much happier without you. So, when I drove past your home the other day, I blocked your number and deleted your contact info. No sadness. No regrets. No emotion at all - but relief. I realize now that I was never stupid - I trusted someone I should have been able to trust. I just needed to stay long enough to leave without a shred of regret. I stayed to see all I needed to see, and to heal as much as I needed to heal. I grew as much as I needed to grow... to walk away from you and never look back. It took me a while, but I know I am not the one who is stupid. I know you better than you know yourself and I have lost nothing- and gained everything - by deleting you from my life. You are the stupid one.

Instead: Got up and lived my life - happier and healthier without him in it.

Anonymous · day 250

Its been one year & one month since I gave you a goodbye hug and kiss. You didn't know it then, but I did. I was biding my time to escape the hell living with you brought. How such a loving, caring, supportive, smart and talented person could have such an incredibly horrible, hateful, frightening side is more than I can grasp. I pray you find healing, that you can fully leave the hurt and pain behind that changed you into the other guy. I'm learning to be content alone, it's much safer than then men I've dedicated my life to. Now I have a home that is quiet, peaceful, loving, and kind. My heart will always love the man I fell in love with. Goodbye.

Instead: Deep breath. Be thankful for the now, imperfect as it is.

Anonymous · day 395

I can't believe I wasted 3.5 years of my life on you. You made me think that there was actually a future there, against all odds. I chose to believe you were genuine. I'll never forgive what you did, twice, you cowardice, dick-driven, image-conscious manchild. I hope you'll have a miserable life with that pouting teenager. It's probably for the best - after all, you'll never be ready for an adult relationship. I also hope she finds out that the time you ended it "for good" the first time was because I found out about her and said "her or me". I also hope she reads your text messages and finds our exchange where I asked "why her" and you answered "sometimes it's easier to pick the one that means nothing rather than the one that means everything" - and that it haunts you both.

Anonymous

Thank you for not even acknowledging my (affectionate, generous) letter, S. It gave me a sharp dose of reality after the 6 months of your intermittent lovebombing, ghosting, and general gaslighting. I'm going to make a suggestion: that you don't move back to SE or its surroundings. Gaslighting is designed to make people go crazy after all, and I don't think you want to risk bumping into post-gaslit me. Apart from anything else, I might be prompted to call the police about the illegal things you did (obviously im not talking about lame stuff like drugs). I despise you more than Tony Blair and Tommy Robinson combined.

Instead: Went to see some art, spent time with friends and family who love me.

Anonymous

I miss you. Ive almost sent this 100 times but I can't do this to either of us because its so wasy to end up back together. I know the age gap and the life gap means we have to go our separate ways. I want you to get everything you've dreamed of and in another life I know that we would have lived that life together. Letting you go is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Ill love you always xx

Emma · day 7

I wouldn't send him a letter but I'd would have said, how can I miss how you used to be? You've been so cruel and we were so close. I never imagined you could have done this to me. You said you hated lies and cheating. Why do I still hurt when I know you've discarded me for someone else. I should be angry and want revenge but I just want to stop feeling upset. Why couldn't you just acknowledge the pain you've caused.

Instead: Just joy down the disgusting things he's done and said deliberately to hurt Remember what he's stolen What he's still trying to steal. The levels he's happy to sink to as long as he gets what he wants Remember all my new loving friends who would never do that.

Anonymous · day 340

This weekend I am going to an event that I had hoped we would go to together. I wanted to share it with you, and I was really hoping for that. I am taking my best friend instead because she never abandons me. I am learning from her and not abandoning myself. So I hope that you have a good weekend, doing the things you claim are the reasons you left. I hope you find them as fulfilling as time spent with me was - because we both know I'm amazing, and you tossed me away.

Instead: Typed it here.

Rhonda · day 99

You can stop sending ads to my place as if I don't know it's you. I look at the stuff and don't think much about it and it's funny because I've already done the things you might assume I don't do. It's funny that you think I live at the address you keep sending that sorta stuff too. You continue to give me a shitton of evidence against you so thanks for that! btw, idek where you live nor do I give a shit to know. I'm sure anyone can look up your info knowing fully well your legal name isn't J. Maybe get over me for once in your pathetic life after you caused me so much grief and harm you white centered dodo bird brain.

Instead: planning to get a restraining order against you and it'll include all of ur friends thanks for that!

Anonymous

Hey. How are you getting on? I miss you still. I miss you every day. I’m sorry I hurt you I hope you’re happy in your new life xxx

Instead: Had a hot shower

Audrey · day 219

I knew I shouldn't, but I wanted you, you made me feel calmer, supported, cared for, appreciated. I wish it had been different, that you thought I was worth the trouble. You never overpromised but you knew .

Instead: Carried on working

Anonymous

I always thought we’d talk again. That you’d return. And the words you said and how you made me feel was as real for you as it was for me. Did you use me to make yourself feel better? Now there’s this chasm of unspoken words and unfulfilled longing in my heart. You don’t care. And my fear is that you never did. And that it was me creating a fantasy and breaking my own heart. And that part hurts the most.

Instead: Went for a long walk

Anonymous

You almost destroyed me. For years, you taught me that your needs mattered and mine did not. That your version of reality mattered and mine could be denied, rewritten or dismissed. That keeping the peace meant making myself smaller. You wrecked my sense of safety, trust and self. But you did not finish me. I am still here. I know what happened. I know who I am. And I will never again abandon myself to keep someone else comfortable.

Instead: Looked at the sky, breathed, felt the cool air in my lungs.

Mandy · day 215

I hand you back your chaos. Your decisions. Your lies. Your inability to love me the way I need to be loved. I hand you back your secrets, your consequences, your future and your present. I keep my capacity for love. My capacity to see the good and to believe in better. My hope for a peaceful future, my agency. I keep the memories that were truly good and I’ll cherish them with love. Goodbye DanDan, my sweet xx

Instead: Sent it to myself

Claire · day 14

I miss you. I miss even k owing there is some imaginary string that keeps you in my life and heart. Even when we didn’t talk, you were still there Now it is cleanly and kindly over. And I think you are a very good man for being so clear and kind and acknowledging you did not do your best by me. I have nothing left to be angry about. You’ve reminded me what a good person you are and how much I like you. You reminded me of your strength as I k owing that kindly letting me go was so very hard for you. But you held that in and were kind to me. I love you. I will always love you. You are the very best thing that’s ever come into my life. I was so very happy when I was with you. Like a happy I never thought possible. I miss you. Everything feels so empty. But I know you loved me and care about me I miss you.

Instead: Texted my friend

Anonymous · day 1

i broke no contact. I got to day 14 . then it is Blondies 80th birthday, I look like her, I do karaoke blondie and one way or another came up, and we bought that picture together the arrow saying one way and then underneath the artist had made other signs that said, 'or another, Im going to get you.'' I was just full of love at that moment. Yes i know I wrote the long list of all the good memories and then all the bad stuff, and yes the bad stuff is TOO bad because you are an avoident and I am anxious, yes Ive learned a lot. Life has got easier, Im out sharing life with people.. doing my thing, not broken. But i do still love you. Thats the thing. I think I decided Id take the fall back to day 1 for love. for blondie, for me, for what shoulda could woulds have been

Instead: contemplated having a beer

annie · day 1

It’s shit, I still miss the you even though I despise the way you treated me for the last few months we were together. I don’t want to be with you or see you. I feel ridiculous about seeing you today and being so fucking obvious about it I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to message you, I just need to get this out of my head

Instead: Nothing I was outside his house, fucking looking at him, what an idiot

Anonymous

When you told me you love buying things, for a woman who told you over and over, in not materialistic. You said we would be solid and hold on to each other as we age. We were having the time of our lives.. I thought. Then you ended it, saying I needed to be more feminine and change my ways. Im 5 years sober and rebuilding my life, yet you said I'm at risk of relapse for helping other women out of addiction/alcoholism, and I dont need to work with 'thoes people' now. You never had to understand my recovery, that I'm proud of but you said I talked about it too much. Shallow and dangerous. I feel for your next victims because there are MANY. Youll find a weaker woman who will forget herself, for you. I wont. Not ever. You have no idea what I've accomplished to get where I am today. Thanks for 6 months of lessons 🙏

Instead: I prayed 🙏 I know my worth. Looks, money, sex, empty promises, lovebombing + degrading. I need none of that.

Jade · day 119

I deleted your contact info. It feels really good knowing I can't contact you. I'm no longer giving you the satisfaction of having me when you want. Goodbye.

Anonymous

God I’m so glad the divorce is finalised. I can’t be happier that I will never see your horrible face again knowing you have any hold over me at all. You have showed me exactly who you are through the last two years and, whilst I love our children with all of myself and commit to providing space for them to know you, I wish you to have nothing to do with me ever again. Go and have a good life - I will keep building my beautiful life like I did from day one of finding out you were cheating. Goodbye (dickhead!).

Instead: Spent time with my children, talked to friends and saw a comedian at an event.

Delia · day 748

You kicked my dog out of jealousy knowing fully well I couldn't just come home and talk to you after the constant wrongful assumptions and cause of stress for me despite having outside help. Forgiveness was off the table the moment you deny it knowing I saw you do it from the kitchen. That's the third thing that keeps replaying over and over and over in my head. Three strikes and you're out forever and I don't plan on ever forgiving you for it. You don't exist anymore.

Instead: Permanently ended the soul tie that bounded us together

Anonymous · day 1000

Here I am again desperately wanting to talk to you, to be in your arms feeling safe and loved. But you're gone for good. I miss you. One by one my friends are leaving because I won't let you go. I lost a whole year of my life waiting for you to come back. But you forgot me a long time ago. 😔

Instead: Came here to read other comments. Ate Ovaltine out of the jar!

Martie · day 372

It was so hard for you to love me the last time. Already I'm so activated by your inconsistency. Why did I choose this? I thought it was what I wanted but I still don't have you and I want you. I want all of you and it's not for me to have.

Anonymous

In griefshare we learned about how situations trigger painful memories. So now I'm suffering triggers for my husband who has been gone 2 years and also for you. The places we frequented. Where I bought you your favorite snack. Where you first told me you loved me. The blouse I wore and you complimented. All of these and you dont know it's happening and wouldn't care anyway.

Instead: Put my pj's on and got in bed. By myself.

Anonymous · day 27

Maybe one day I'll self reflect and understand why I'm such a hateful and unloveable person who can't keep genuinely good hearted friends..... making assumptions of ppl I don't know, taking on their identity online to make friends since I don't have an identity of my own, not understanding how my behavior is creepy and push people away, not understanding my childhood trauma is the reason why I can't move on from ppl who want nothing to do with me...one day I'll learn from my mistakes and not be such a massively obese manchild throwing a tantrum.

Instead: keep doing the same things over and over again without any understanding of myself

Anonymous

You accused me of cheating when all I did was build my life around you. There was never anyone else, on ANY level. I’m so hurt that your unfounded jealousy and insecurities have torn our family apart. I hate that the person that finally felt like home is the same person that’s walking away and there’s nothing I can say or do.

Instead: Fell apart for months

Anonymous · day 456

I desperately needed you to love me back so I could start a future with you. If only I looked at my actions and understood why you left life would be much easier for me. You started a relationship with me while I was using you to get over my ex. Your actions showed you genuinely cared and focused on yourself while I couldn't let go and deal with my own insecurities. You're worth more than that and I shouldn't have ever been half in for you. You deserve someone who loves you unconditionally, supports, and protects you not someone you need to heal from again.

Instead: I went to THERAPY to focus on myself

Anonymous

I hope that it going back to your former life, you will move forward in the most beautiful way and your wife will love you, see you and value you as deeply as I do and always will. I don’t need to get over you to move on. I just need to be free of being loved half so I can go back to loving you whole.

Instead: Got on with putting the kids to bed.

Anonymous · day 50

How could you be so careless with my heart when all I wanted and prioritised for 12 years was you. You broke it twice in that time, then came back without apology, explanation or repair. The third time I saw the pattern and finally walked away. I’m clearing my things out of our house now, dismantling our shared future. You get to stay, to continue without compromise doing what you want with no thought of accommodating anyone else, just like always.

Instead: Visited friends and felt the love I deserve from them :) Repurposing that hope for a shared future into the stability of hope for my future, accommodating my own needs. Enjoying the peace.

Anonymous · day 70

I'm losing my parent and you are not there to support me anymore. I'm so sad and wanted to tell you all about it. You discarded me so fast last year that I didn't know what happened. It hurt, it still does. We were suppose to face all the good and all the bad together. I must have imagined you. I still love you. And it hurts me. I wish I could let you go.

Instead: Called my best friend.

Anonymous · day 405

I wanted you to love me back, to care about me, to want to be with me and to build a future together. You started a relationship with me, yet you knew you would not commit. Your actions show you will always prioritise work and I will always come second best. I'm worth more than that. You can't have me if you're only half in. I deserve someone who is there all of the time, who loves me unconditionally and not just when you're not working or need someone.

Instead: I prioritised my self worth

Anonymous · day 1

You pursued me intentionally, you made yourself my new favourite person. Despite my hesitancy, you used our past connection, shared losses and "good standing" in the community to win my trust. You messaged good morning and good night every day. As soon as I was won over, you changed, you disappeared without an explanation. That does lasting damage to a person who has already been through so much. I just don't understand why. I wish you'd left me the fu*k alone.

Anonymous

How could I still be missing you. We renovated that house together we spoke of the future. We brought two families together. My kids loved you. I loved you and then one day you suddenly say actually you’ve always been holding space for your ex and you’re going back there. You tell me no one‘s ever treated you like I have. You’ve never been loved like when we were together and now you want to take that and go back somewhere else. I feel like you’ve stolen something from me and even with all of that there are still days like today that I just desperately want you back next to me because we had built a beautiful life together. We didn’t argue we didn’t fight we resolved disagreements we laughed. We had fun. We challenged each other and grew through that. It’s so confusing.

Instead: Took a long shower and cooked a nice meal for my family

Anonymous · day 11

Today I’ve been thinking. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t us. You were unhappy with your life and suddenly I was the reason for your unhappiness. But I’m not the reason you’re unhappy. One day you’ll realize that and finally regret your actions - the lying and cheating, the lack of empathy or willingness to have any hard conversations during our 9 years of marriage And 11 years together. I hope you do anyway, but I don’t recognize you and can’t wait for you to grow up anymore.

Instead: Took a shower

Lea · day 55

Hooking up with a 30-year-old didn't magically make you 30 again. You were just a 65-year-old man, emotionally stuck in your 30s. The problem is, she's going to keep growing and will end up as weary and confused as I was when the person you said you were is not the person your actions revealed.

Instead: Came out of retirement, thrived (again) in the work that he's no longer allowed to do, retired (again) surrounded by the love of family and friends and the respect of colleagues, bought a house in the woods, and met a lovely man who feels like he won the lottery. (But we don't live together - been there, done that, love my solitude.)

K · day 2500

I fight every day for my mental health. Every day. And for you to choose a woman who is unmedicated and a complete wreck- it feels like a slap in the face. And a bullet to my heart. I could fix you, I want to fix you, but I can’t.

Instead: Cried. And cried some more. And go out of bed every. Single. Day.

Siobhan · day 6

You were my rock. My best friend. I trusted you with my life. 28 years. I raised you from the man boy you were when I met you. I gave you a family. I loved you in spite of yourself. All of you. We built a life together and yiu walked away with no conversation. Just left. Walked into the nothingness you were when I met you. Why? For what? Some chick you knew for a month? And you are living with her in her parents house? You walked away from your life for that? LOL I gave you a tether when you left to pull yourself back. Even now even during a divorce it pains me to say it is still there. I love you. And I miss you and our life. I would take you back. Maybe. I dont know. I just want you to tell me why. Please. Tell me. I would have fought for our marriage. I love you.

Instead: Remembered that I am stronger than this.

Anonymous · day 70

I miss you. I probably always will.

Instead: Referred to my list if all the sh#t things he has done and said.

Lynda · day 12

Thank you for finally letting me go and showing me who you really are. You met someone else and no longer needed me. You punished me for breaking away, keeping my world small through financial control and isolating me from the people who keep me anchored. While I own my own missteps, the truth is your cruelty became a slow poison—locking my body and mind in a relentless state of survival until it finally made me ill.

Instead: Spent 16 months in therapy so far

Anonymous

We used to be best friends, but then I went and made bad choices. I didn't put effort into you. I miss abusing you. I never hear from u and can't understand why. I always victimize myself with my avoidant personality. I hope you never meet anyone like me again. I was a bad partner and a bad friend.

Instead: keep blaming you for my internal problems that cause me to not have a good love life

S · day 1

I know who I am and you'll forever be upset you couldn't control someone you abused and someone who has no regrets for telling people the truth of what you did to me. And I think that's the best punishment for you.

Instead: ate a donut with my companion out at sea

K

The version of you I cared about was me being delusional. Shaping who I wanted to fulfill my ego and lack of confidence in myself, so I’m not surprised you don't miss me. There’s something incredibly big about coming to the realization that I've never been an ethical, principled man while repeatedly behaving in ways that have been abusive and racist to someone.

Instead: Wallowed in pity

S · day 38

The version of you I cared about was me being delusional. Shaping who I wanted to fulfill my ego and lack of confidence in myself, so I’m not surprised you don't miss me. There’s something incredibly big about coming to the realization that I've never been an ethical, principled man while repeatedly behaving in ways that have been abusive and racist to someone.

Instead: continued to throw a pity party without taking accountability for my actions that caused someone ptsd

S

Your feelings being hurt isn't the same as being abusive towards someone. There was never any misunderstandings, you're just abusive and racist and so are the rest of your terrible friends. Your therapist will never tell you the truth about yourself. All you do is lie because you hate yourself and you lie so you can manipulate others and tell your friends half truths of what you did. All because you don't love yourself and incredibly insecure. I never signed up to be a constant source of emotional support for an insecure self-centered asshole.

Instead: Got free and enjoyed a life of safety with trusted friends

Anonymous

Why? Why did you come back? why did you make me believe again just to throw me away again? Was anything real? You know what I have been through, you went through the same. I deserved more. I don't think I will ever recover from this. I've lost everything, you've taken everything I had left and the worst part is I would still give you more, I still love you. Why can't I hate you! Why cant I let you go. Why can't I close the door fully and stop hoping.

Instead: wrote here

Anonymous · day 62

You were and always have been controlling, you can deny it as much as you want but trying to redefine someone for your comfort is controlling. If you have to tell someone you consider them your equal, you definitely DON'T feel that internally and that's something for YOU to work on no one else. Shouldn't have placed unfair judgement and assumptions on someone! Maybe get your psychotic insecure incel friends to stop fucking with you because they're miserable chumps. Always jealous of someone that's just better than you and doesn't need to try.

Instead: laughed about it with friends and told people about my abuser

Anonymous

Some people don't need or want closure and have no desire to get it especially when you've been abusive and made them question and doubt themselves. Sooner you understand that the better and the sob stories and pity party you're trying to pull for yourself and what your idiot friends did isn't going to make me or anyone else feel any shred of sorrow or sadness for you. Should have apologized and took accountability when you had the chance. Now you don't.

Anonymous

Moms having a moment in the kitchen? That why you're a loser with no genuine friends cuz you have yellow fever? You think you'll be loved when there's nothing to love about a passive aggressive snow roach stuck in a high school mentality. Don't make me laugh you're just as pathetic. There's a reason why your life is vapidly and spiritually boring, dull, and has no genuine love there either. In yourself or your shallow relationships. Tragic. You both truly belong with each other and that's why neither of you will ever know what genuine happiness, love, or bliss feels like. Your entire relationship is built on superficial reasons anyone in genuine love could plainly see. It makes me and the rest of my crew laugh terribly at the lot of you. DREADFULLY boring.

Instead: laughed about the goofy times I've shared with friends that have always been honest

Anonymous · day 700

Hi, nothing I message you is going toale a difference because you don't take accountability for your actions. But I want you to. If I could spend every breathe I had convining you to do better, I would. And I know it wouldn't matter. Because the problem is I don't value myself enough to do the right thing. I want so much to value myself more but I don't. Why don't you love me? Why can't you love me? Why do I keep going back to the pain you cause me instead of the unknown on the other side?

Jeff in Wisconsin

B- My biggest question would be why? I was very good to you. I loved you, honored you, took care of you, respected you, and took care of your daughter. I gave you everything i had, and in turn you gave me the biggest heartbreak and chaos i have ever endured. Do you know that you cheating on me crushed me? Do you know that when you apologized and when I forgave you that I lost parts of myself that would take years to get back? Do you know, or even care that i wailed on my knees to God, that my own children that started out thinking you were great, turned out to despise you because they saw what you did. And they felt it too. They hurt also. Everytime you left and ghosted out of the blue you broke my heart, not just broke it, you shattered my soul in the places i never knew existed. I was a whole woman before you came into my life to entirely fuck me over. You left me like a barren wasteland. I will never forgive you for that, because after all the forgiveness i gave, only to be met with the same behavior of lying, cheating, gaslighting and ghosting...it makes me think you did it on purpose. Why? i was good to you. I loved you. Like no other. If you did it on purpose you are a monster. If you didnt do it on purpose you are the stupidest man on the planet considering I told you how you crushed me over and over again. I never want to hear from you again. But if you text, I will answer. I hate you, but I love you very much. You will never, ever change, but I pray to God all the time you will. I want, and need to move on from you but I cant. I dont talk to you anymore but I miss your voice. You made me feel like a worthless piece of garbage but when you loved me I felt priceless. You will never, ever change and will always be a Peter Pan looking for validation from women but you were my Peter Pan, when you were. I fucking hate what you did to me, how you left me in rubble and walked away smiling without a care in the world. You should be ashamed. I hate you, I love you. i miss you. Dont ever speak to me again. I cant wait to hear your voice. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Love, Kris

Instead: Wrote this!

Krissy

It took me 20 years to realise you were a fading mirage of a made up character. All shimmer, no substance, devoid of decency or empathy. You saw relationships as a game to display your superiority, to impress then dominate, isolate, control, and those who could be controlled were despised. An emotional vampire, keeping your prey weak and dependant. This is not a message to be sent to him, it is a thank you to myself for finding the courage to walk away and do the work.

Instead: Sat in the garden in my pyjamas watching the stars.

Cat · day 519

Today is day 30 since you sent that text. 30 days since you ended 9 years in a text message. You proposed to me on my birthday. Then ended us in a text. I sold my home, my land, things I cannot replace, to build our life together. Then you ended us in a text. I will never understand any of it. So much of me is angry, but I know wishing bad things to come your way is like drinking poison and expecting you to be the one to get sick. So, I am trying to let this go. One step at a time, one day at a time. I hope you can look at your life, your patterns one day. I hope you can look around and realize that every single family member you have has stopped contacting you. ALL of them. I hope you can look around and see that your son's only call when the need something. I hope you can see that you have two "Friends" and think about all of the lies you tell them so they think highly of you and then ask yourself if they knew the truth...would even they still be there? The "Rose colored glasses" are finally fading for me as they have for so many others in your life. So, I am saying I hope you have the life you deserve.... and leaving it at that.

Instead: Made myself a cup of coffee and sat on the dock, observing nature at its finest. I talked to God, out loud, and prayed for continued strength.

LR · day 30

You were exceptional. You had obvious red flags and behaviour I would've cut off anyone else for. And yet I wanted you in my life. The trust, the emotional maturity, the self-awareness, all that wasn't there. And I never said I love you back, when you said it. We will probably never talk again. But I can finally say it, if only here, I love you. I'm hurt and I'm deeply sad that things didn't work out, and there's some alternative universe where I'm hugging you now and you're kissing me on the top of my head. Doesn't have to be as partners, or as anything else, there was love. I am sorry.

Anonymous

Happy Birthday for last week. If you had stayed you would have had the best day because I would have made sure of it. I’m away on holidays and there are so many things I want to tell you about, to laugh about. Why did you run? Nothing bad would have happened. We are good together and I would have helped you forget everything that happened before. I still think of you every single day. 10 months later.

Instead: Put the phone away. Said ‘choose yourself’ out loud and just got on with it.

Anonymous · day 300

The You I knew is dead. That version of you is dead to me. Maybe You never actually existed - I only saw parts you let me or that you presented as You. Who you are showing me now is cold and indifferent and calculated. It’s devastatingly confusing to lose You, and have the real you instead. How can the person that waved to me when I walked down the aisle be gone? When did Your heart stop beating?

Instead: Watched Grey’s Anatomy and folded laundry. Yay.

Lea · day 53

I miss you so bad. It's been a little over a year now since you've been gone. I still cry at least once a week. I was just listening to some video online, almost asleep, and suddenly saw us inside your rv. Dancing again. Oh what I'd do to see you again. Feel your hands again. I miss you so bad Austin. This life isn't the same without you.

Instead: Went to bed

Natalie · day 400

The version of you I cared about doesn’t exist, so I’m not really missing anything. There’s something incredibly small about needing to be seen as an ethical, principled man while repeatedly behaving in ways that require lying.

Instead: Messaged my friend and watched my saved reels of yours.

Anonymous · day 4

I hate you and I hate that I hate you. That it’s ending like this. That it has to end. That you chose to do this me - to us - and I had no say. You didn’t care to include me or consider me. You chose you. You chose her. I hate you for it all. And I miss you. I hate it.

Instead: Came here to write it out instead of sending it 😬

Lea · day 53

I loved you so much. I hurts because I feel unable to love again ever. I miss the version of me that believed in you , in us. For almost 25 years tried to love your pain away but I couldn’t and I had to let it go. Now a year later I still long for the closeness I had with you and I hate it that I miss you sometimes. Above all I miss the way I loved you.

Instead: Went to wash my hair and then to bed with a book

Anonymous · day 375

I see you at track, I know how you move, I can smell your aftershave when you run past, I know so much of your story that it plays loops in my mind at times (funny that there's lots of mine you don't...), but that chink of hope is still there; though it feels much smaller. I loved the potential, the possibilities, you were there too at the start, then you suddenly became consistently inconsistent. You treated me like your ex treated you. Was this the real you? I loved you at your 'worst', but that wasn't enough. Inconsistency, then breadcrumbs. To be honest some of your actions were unkind, even cruel. It felt like you tried to compartmentalise me, only contact when you chose. Like a fool, I was grateful. I blamed me for not being so many things, for wanting love, oh but wait you did tell me that. So, I requested you to leave me be. It truly hurt like hell, but my beautiful friends rallied round. I miss you. I miss our friendship, our banter, our connection. Your loss, the possibilities were beautiful.

Instead: I am finding me again. I laugh, I smile, I shine! My beautiful friends are a blessing and lent me their strength to fly. I am enough. I will run faster. I will fly higher. I am saying "Yes!" again.

S · day 155

I still have a box of things that you gave me, cos seeing them hurt, not as much as the tearing pain I had for months after your cruel blindside breakup.

Instead: Took the dog for yet another walk

Jo · day 170

Eleven years of my life gone. Just like you did. No explanation, no reasons, just disappeared. And to find you in another relationship that was already 10 months in. I’m being kept as reserve. She calls you her best friend and soulmate. That pain is off the scale. But it wasn’t the cheating, lying, gaslighting, future faking, love bombing, pretend intimacy, shouting, ghosting, confusion, trauma bonding and all the rest of the covert narcissism you played out (Yes, I finally had to find out what they all meant) It was how you stole my time from me, my life. All those years, wasted on you. It is soul destroying

Instead: Saved it in my notes app, kept re-reading but never sent. Blocked every channel of communication but kept that message. Got therapy. Built a summerhouse

Anonymous · day 770

pjs, I hope one day I hear you & your prejudice, classist, manchild racist friends are no longer living and I'll celebrate with my favorite treats and chosen family. Because it's exactly what you deserve for the shit you put me through. There was never at any given moment I ever wanted you back in my life. And I still don't now. You lied about who you were which is why I don't care at all about having any sort of relation towards you. Your taste in music sucks. What you like sucks. What you wear sucks. Your friends suck and so do you. You all deserve each other. I love myself enough that I never need some parasitic envious ghouls like you sucking my spirit dry because you're void of any love in you. You're repulsive in every way. I don't care what you think of me and I don't care what you have to say. You won't gaslight me into thinking or doing something I haven't done. There's a reason why you all aren't close not a surprise you can't fucking stand each other and avoid one another. You can rot in hell along with the rest of your cruel racist friends and family. You're all so horrendously ugly internally and so is your heart. I'm going to keep talking about what you've all done and did to anyone I know to make sure people steer clear of you all. You don't get second chances anymore when those misunderstandings were always racist and dehumanizing assumptions. What you did to me was abusive and using vulnerable things against me to provoke me makes you a shitty person. I hope it haunts you for the rest of your life. You don't know me and never will. You're delusional to think I'm hurt we aren't romantically involved. I dumped your sorry ass for your control issues and gaslighting so u can go straight to hell along with whoever else believes and trusts you. They'll make excuses for your behavior just like you continue to do now. You can call me all sorts of names or insult me as much as you want. It'll never replace the emptiness in any of your cold, dead hearts. I don't like any of you and never will. Your looks can only get you so far until you start to age like a rotten egg that takes the shape of your hateful and miserable heart. I moved on the moment I left. I hate you and always will and despise you for the things you said and did to me. Calling me grieving old and trusted friends "issues" shows exactly the type of person you are. Being vulnerable to you was the worse decision of my entire life. Good fucking riddance to you and your pathetic sob stories and excuses. I'm far happier without you in my life. I HATE YOU.

Anonymous

We're not talking anymore. I keep finding a new angle to the story. That it was all me: I was never good enough for you to choose, that I was lacking. Or that it was all you: you treated all your girlfriends badly and was too immature to be a good partner. But the only verifiably true story is that you really, really, really hurt me. You hurt me when you gave mixed signals. You hurt me when you lied. You hurt me when you belittled and excluded me. You hurt me when you gave someone else everything I wanted. I went for too long feeling emotional whiplash, the little stabs of disrespect, the sinking feeling of being even less important than I thought. That's all there is to say, outside of all the stories I have been protecting and punishing myself through.

Instead: Watched the rain.

Anonymous

oh dear, its getting harder.. I have no idea if you are missing me, theres that no closure thing theres that need to interact. Im on my own. I feel abandoned, betrayed, unloved, lied to. does it get any easier? It seems like I have to do all the work, I have to get up, do, go out, but Ive jsut spent the last hour in bed, crying. Trying to be the me that I was befre you dumped me.. its about 5 weeks ago now, and 11 days into no contact, but im teetering. Every time I talk about what happened, feels like in some mad way Im contacting through the ether. Im scared too because I think, knowing your previous modus operandi, you might think its sfae for you to appear, and give me more of the same cruelty. Because I think you are cruel, not just avoident, but unemotional. they call it emotional unavailability dont they. I think Im being tempted by the idea that you could come back and I could let you back, but I know thats wrong. Youve done this too many times. Wjat would it take for me to be ok with you coming back ? what you did last time... but you destroyed us again didnt you. was it a laugh, or like the scorpion and the frog, did you do it just because you could? yes thats it. It doesnt matter if you miss me or not. You killed us just because its in your nature. Bad man

Instead: wiped my eyes and went to the post office to post the parcel Ive been trying to get out of the house to post for 2 hours.

annie · day 11

Today was our daughter's first day at school. You missed it. Chose to be with her instead of watching your own kid walk through those gates for the first time, and I don't think I'll ever fully forgive you for this one.

Instead: Took lots of photos of her in her new uniform and sent them to my parents instead of you

Karen

I had to let you go, I loved you so much but there was no version of reality in which our lives could stay intertwined. You told me we were done and there was no hope for us in the future, but wanted to keep me close. I was so in love with you that I abandoned myself and let it happen. But you only wanted me for your validation and emotional support. You’ll have to find that somewhere else now. I miss you every day and also know that being in contact will destroy me, so I choose peace over reopening those wounds

Instead: Continued to keep her on mute. With sadness, but no regret

Chris · day 60

I occasionally and quite dispassionately look at photos of you. Unsolicited FB memories pop up occasionally. You’re wounded by your childhood trauma but have no introspection. I see you in two halves. One half the lovely kind funny, mischievous charismatic guy I still love, the other the weak, lying, cheating “player” you turned out to be during our long relationship. In your seventies then and nearly 80 now you should have known better. My place in our bed was still warm. On line dating when my back was turned, for old guys like you has a lot to answer for. I hope she enjoys taking over my shift.

Instead: I just told myself to sit down and shut up, had a coffee then went to the gym!

Anonymous · day 730

You told me not to undermine, embarrass you or be weird, In front of your work colleagues in meetings. I never did any of those things and got on well with your peers. I asked you to stop drinking quite so much. I asked you to not drink to the point of peeing yourself. I asked you why you chose to drink more when I needed you to show up and protect me. You carried on. You never saw me. You thought that I thought so little of myself I wouldn't leave. You found someone new quickly. Did you learn to behave, or have you found another one to chase the crumbs?

Instead: I live my embarrassing, undermining weird life to the max! Or as I more accurately like to call my authentic self, which was none of those things.

Anonymous · day 398

You made the choice to leave me. And as quickly as you ran, you were already onto the next. It was classless, but more a reflection of your lack of maturity and commitment to growth. I have lost all respect for you. You’ve lost access to me; the empath, the cheerleader, the comfort, the connection. The woods you speak of; it’s not a place you’re lost in. It’s a place you love. It’s a justification for your bad behaviour and selfishness. You keep seeing yourself as the good guy, you rewrite the narrative so you are the victim of your life and not the creator of it. All the while using people as your emotional chew toys. Having your fun with them until you get bored and you move on, all the while leaving them destroyed beyond repair. Pity the fool I was believing you had the capacity to love anyone but yourself. I was nothing but distraction and amusement for you. But I’m no longer a part of the circus. You can share your highs and your lows with the new clowns you ‘perform’ your love to. You put on a beautiful performance, at times I think you even believe it for yourself. Forever in my heart, forever in my soul, but no longer a part of my world. You were right, you don’t deserve someone like me.

Anonymous · day 95

How disappointed I am to finally realise you were a covert narc all along. I can finally look back and see with clarity the behavioural patterns that so confused me and kept me thinking it was me who was the problem. You excel at gaslighting and rewriting history. Your hoovering will not work.

Instead: Stuck to my f’ing guns!

Anonymous