The messages people never sent about what it did to the kids

I want NO further contact with you. Exactly 2 years ago out of the blue, from being loving and attentive and what someone would expect from a partner, you suddenly became cold, distant and stopped making ANY effort because 2 years ago you'd decided to start seeing other women behind my back. You've been playing me and stringing me along for 2 years keeping me as an option in the background while you lived a double life and pursued sex and relationships with other people without me knowing, all while 'saying' (not showing)you loved me. The whole time I was so stupid because I completely trusted you and I had no idea-I was constantly chasing after you and putting in all the effort to see you and spend time with you when it was never ever reciprocated. I put my trust in you and believed that you loved me even though you were treating me like total shit all of a sudden and I really didn't understand why. Every child free Saturday night for over a year when you were suddenly 'out with your mates' every single weekend and i was home alone you would regularly be completely uncontactable and AWOL for 24 hours-you were staying at another woman's house or they were at yours. The suddenly removing any evidence of me on Facebook 2 years ago, never posting or mentioning us, not wanting to come to center parcs or accept tags of us on that holiday -you were pretending you were not in a relationship with me so the other women wouldn't see the posts and know that you were with me. The never staying over at my house for almost 2 years now because instead, you were staying at someone else's. The never wanting to make plans with me on any childfree weekend or go anywhere nice with me because you were wining and dining other women, taking THEM to the nice places and were afraid you'd be seen out with me and caught out. So I've been kept hidden- just filling a place on your sofa behind the scenes for years. The whole time this was going on you kept looking for flaws in me, picking faults, my reactions to the lack of effort and mistreatment, making me out to be the shit girlfriend, purely to try and justify to yourself your own atrocious behaviour and what you were doing. I was expected to just make do with a Sunday late afternoon 'time slot' every child free weekend to fit in around your time with other women. Even on the 2 occasions we split up you couldn't just leave me to move on with my life. You had to keep up the breadcrumbs and the bare minimum messages just to test the door and see if you might still have access to me and I could still be a back up-option, not because you actually loved me or cared. I have been on a roster-a back up for when you are bored, lonely or horny and I am the only option available. Even this week, I find women's deodorant and shampoo left in bathroom cabinet which shows you have been in a RELATIONSHIP with someone if they have left their stuff at your house. And not once have you given a shit about my emotions. Not once have you cared about my feelings. Not once have you behaved like a human being. When I found out about you on dating sites behind my back there was no apology I was just hung up on. There was no effort made to see how I was or apologise for hiding it, even though you would have known how much that betrayal broke me. Even this week you've screamed at me and repeatedly hung up on me refusing to talk about the women's toiletries that mysteriously appeared over the last month in your bathroom cabinet. No fucks given about me or how I might feel or be suffering, no reassuring me of your feelings for me, just always worried about protecting your own ego and image and not wanting to look bad to other people. Every single betrayal you've just been angry you've been caught, never sorry for what you have done or how that has impacted me as a person with real feelings. I have never been treated as badly by ANY man as I have been by you over the last 2 years of this relationship. You have given me NOTHING. You haven't showed up or tried at all. You haven't wanted to communicate with me, see me, spend time with me, plan things to do or even look at me. Until you want sex I don't even exist to you. For 2 years you have carefully created the illusion of being a good, honest, loyal man whilst behind that mask you are a pathological liar, a master manipulator, a serial user (of both me and the other women involved) and an expert in playing the victim when the whole time you have been completely betraying me. It's psychopathic. You have utterly wasted my time, used me and strung me along. To be very clear I will NEVER be just an option to anyone, especially not to a man like you. I don't wish you well, instead I wish that our paths NEVER cross again. After last week's disgusting behaviour, lack of empathy, disrespect, being repeatedly hung up on and just DISCARDED by you yet AGAIN, like I am nothing, I have had ENOUGH . You go and enjoy your other women who clearly mean more to you than I ever did.

Instead: Watched Married at First Sight Australia.

Anonymous, day 6

I can’t believe after all the lies, the manipulation, the gaslighting, the triangulation, the double standards and the mixed messages you actually have the audacity to stand there and tell people I’m the problem. You used me, you exploited my kindness and my generosity. You took and took and took with no intention of following through on your endless promises. So I stand here, after you’ve taken thousands and thousands of dollars and countless hours of work, presented my creative work as your own and minimised my contributions, damaged my feeling of safety and traumatised me into constant hyper vigilance, broken promises to my children and walked away so you could sleep with her. And you’ve publicly given me a label so you can keep your carefully curated image and pretend to be the victim in this, so you can sleep at night and be comfortable with the destruction you left behind. And just when I think I’m finding some peace, you come on the attack again. For imagined slights. For the consequences of a situation you specifically asked for. For a way to make me the villain and you the victim… again. I’m tired. I wish I’d never met you.

Instead: I bought a bunch of plants from the rescue and revive section at the local garden centre and created a peaceful sanctuary.

Anonymous, day 305

the last conversation we ever had, i wouldn't even call it a conversation. it's like a final follow up to whatever we talked about while we were breaking up. you really changed. i no longer know you. the more I think about it, the more I realize that everything was just a fluke. only the first 2 years felt real. the following 6 years were all just lies to keep me around. to benefit from me. to suck me dry. I was so wrong about you. I defended you even. I thought you were the one that I'll eventually marry in the future. but you were never there. I was there for you during your lowest. in exchange, you weren't there for me at my lowest. I loved every bit of you, but you hated every fiber of me. you benefitted from me but never game back. you kept me around just for money and sex. but you couldn't even give the single thing I kept asking you. time. time for us. time for my what could've been my stepson. I wanted you to grow. but you ended up growing the wrong way. I regret those 6 years. I should've ended it after the 2nd year of our relationship when you started to show signs of neglect. but I was to blinded by fear. by the thought that it will get better. what I don't regret is the lesson I learned. A lesson to no longer be with someone like you. someone who only cares about herself. someone who can't put herself in someone else's shoes. I learned that I deserve someone who understands that I also need to feel that I am loved. someone who will willingly reciprocate. someone who will genuinely want to make a family with me. someone who will show me how much I truly deserve to be loved. someone who look past my flaws and caress this child inside. I loved you. I hate you. farewell.

Instead: blocked her on everything and lit a cig.

Anonymous

Healing from you will take too long. When you met me, I had already survived a horrible marriage, and I had worked on healing for years. I was strong and able to hold space for your pain. I helped you process and heal. I sacrificed my time and gave you empathy and caring willingly, with no expectations. Just because I care about people. And I cared about you. It was a gift. The person you presented to me was a lie. A mask. But I didn't see that in time. I gave up my everything for you. Reorganized my whole life for you. Brought my kids along too. We got absorbed by your life. When the lectures, intimidation, belittling, gaslighting, and name calling started, i gave you understanding and patience. You broke me down more, bit by bit. I thought you would cherish me, be gentle with me. But you did the opposite. Mocked me, told me my emotions were ridiculous, that you needed to teach me a lesson, that my perspective was wrong and skewed, that I was too negative, etc etc. Instead of a partner, I had gained an accuser. Instead of an advocate, a judge. I learned to not share with you, I didn't need to invite more insults. You broke me. You undid my healing work. I no longer believe in myself. I have lost my smile. The light in my eyes that you benefited from is gone, nowhere to be found. In its place there is an emptiness, a pit, an unbelief. I gave you my entire heart, my entire faith, my everything. And you took them willingly. You used them for your gain. And now I am left without them. No heart, no faith, nothing. I don't know how to heal. I can't believe that you did this. Who the hell do you think you are? Then you tossed me aside, used, empty, like a wrapper. I will not hold space for your pain anymore. You couldn't do the same for me. You took the biggest giving heart you will ever find and you abused it, broke it. I would have worked things through with you, with patience and understanding. You had no patience or understanding for me. Relationships have to be reciprocal, not full of double standards. That's what you are, a pompous, arrogant, prideful, cruel walking double standard. Worried only about your image. And your needs and wants. And you don't care who you have to ruin on your way to look good and feel good about yourself. One day I hope you realize what you gave up. Good bye, my love, my everything.

Instead: Tried to read a book, failed

Virginia, day 40

I know you I think you have it bad, but you know nothing about my life since I left. I have been on the verge of a breakdown, but I have kept on going. I have never said a thing to you about this because I am strong and I can do this on my own. I have no money to spare after paying two mortgages and I feel extremely lonely and that you still have the kids with you breaks my heart every day. But I was the one who left you and I’m the one who should not complain about this situation as you keep reminding me. I made my bed and I have to lie in it, but I left you for a reason. Many reasons. I know it’s hard for you but you don’t seem to realise just how hard it is for me. I get no support I get no help I get no money from you. I know what I’m entitled to, and all this will come in time, but I just don’t have the energy for all that right now. Looking back I can’t believe we lasted nearly 30 years. Yes we had good times and we have great kids but what a waste! The true love and affection wasn’t there. I never came first. I was never your priority. My priority now is me. By the way, I know you’re seeing somebody and I know who it is.

Instead: Had a beer

Anastasia, day 356

Dear AP You don’t know me. To you, I have largely existed as “his marriage” or “his wife” rather than as a real woman with a name, a history, a family and a heart. But I am real. I am the woman who spent twenty-five years building a life with the man you chose to have an affair with. I am the woman who has spent the last year trying to recover from the trauma that the two of you created. I don’t write this because I believe you owe me anything now. I write it because I need the truth to exist somewhere. You and (my WH) made different promises in life. He made vows to me. You didn’t. That means his responsibility to me is greater than yours. But it does not mean you had none. You always had choices. You chose to become involved with a married man. You chose to continue. You knew there was a wife. You knew there were children. You knew there was another family whose life could be changed forever. That family was mine. I have heard the story that (my WH) pursued you. Perhaps he did. But that has never explained away your own choices. No one can pursue someone who has no agency. Every message, every meeting, every decision to continue was also yours. And when contact resumed after the affair was discovered, every message that reopened the emotional door carried consequences that reached far beyond the two of you. While you were remembering what had been, I was living through renewed fear that my marriage might not survive. Those consequences belonged to me. I don’t know how you justified those choices to yourself. Perhaps you believed it was love. Perhaps you believed he was unhappy. Perhaps you believed the marriage was already over. I don’t know. But I do know this. Real people lived with the consequences. While the two of you experienced excitement, connection and hope, I experienced panic attacks, sleepless nights, humiliation, grief and the complete destruction of the safety I had always felt in my marriage. You became part of memories that may one day fade. I live with trauma that has changed how I see the world. I have often wondered whether you ever stopped to think about me. Not as “his wife.” Not as an obstacle. Not as “his marriage.” But as another woman. Someone who loved deeply. Someone who trusted completely. Someone whose life would be permanently altered by your choices. I don’t hold you solely responsible. I never will. (my WH) made promises to me that he broke. He owns that. But I cannot pretend that you were simply carried along by events. You were an adult with your own moral agency. You made choices too. I hope that one day you look honestly at those choices. Not because I need revenge. Not because I need an apology. But because I hope you never again become part of another woman’s heartbreak. I hope that if you ever find yourself standing at the edge of a similar decision, you remember that behind every marriage is a real human being whose life matters just as much as your own. I hope that one day, as the mother of two daughters, you teach them that love is never made more beautiful by secrecy, deception or another person’s pain. I hope they never experience what I have experienced. And I hope they never cause another woman to experience it either. Most of all, I want you to know this. I was real. I mattered. And your choices, together with (my WH) changed my life forever.

Instead: Filed it away. It needed to exist somewhere. Considering showing it to my husband but that would only be to highlight that she wasn’t the amazing, blameless woman he perceives her to be, but I don’t think it would change his mind sadly.

Anonymous, day 455

I hate that my kids still hurt when they think of you. I hate you for that.

Instead: Posted it here

Anonymous, day 547

You’ve made it crystal clear that you’ve decided we have no future so I hope you can feel happier with that ‘clear direction’ you needed to be less stressed, for your future. Unfortunately it feels to me like I’ve wasted 25 years of my life pouring love and energy into someone who didn’t appreciate it or care at all about what I want. i would have stayed and done the work, but sadly I think I’ve always been the only one doing the work. We both can’t always be caring about you, because who is caring about me?? Saying that you’re 50 now so life needs to be easy and simple is such a cop out because we both know that divorce isn’t easy, obviously. It’s just the hard that you’re choosing. But I guess it’s easier for you when I’m the one managing the kids feelings through it all and I’m the one that has to undergo a huge life change. Yours will stay almost the same. I gave all of myself to you. I sacrificed so much of myself to ensure you were able to do anything you wanted whenever you wanted. Having kids didn’t even impact your life. I ended up absorbing all of it and doing it almost entirely alone and then you blame me saying I should have just asked for help more. You don’t see someone drowning and refuse to help them because you can’t hear them asking for help. You were meant to love me. Spent that mean that even just occasionally you could step outside yourself and see that I needed to be prioritised once in a while too?? When you saw me slowly giving up my career, my friends, my interests, etc because I was too busy raising kids to have time for any of it (even though you travelled several times a year on holidays and picked up several we hobbies and interests), did it not occur to you even once to step in and help so I too could have a life?? Instead you complain that I’m not as fun as I used to be. And then telling me that I need to be pursuing you because that’s just what you need, even though you have rejected me over and over is harsh. Saying I just need more confidence when I ask for compliments or reassurance and telling me that you don’t have the capacity to give it? And yet somehow I am the one to blame for all our issues because I can never get the timing or wording right when I bring up my hurts or concerns to you. It’s all just insanity. At least I’ve learned that I need to have better boundaries and that giving to someone doesn’t mean that they’ll ever give back to you.

Instead: I started a new project.

Anonymous

I cannot believe whilst I am away you had your old bint around in my house, stupidly not realizing she's asking Alexa things!!! Cooking for her which is just fucking weird as u haven't done that in the past 38 years. you breadcrumb me and avoid everything.lie and keep me stringing along, you can't seem to just tell the truth and let me go. I don't even like you anymore but for some reason I'm stuck on thinking of her and everything you do for her. I did think of disappearing last night for ever but the children need me and I need me. You tell me you need me but go to her house pretty much every day.

Instead: Sent a friendly text like a door mat.

Anonymous

Im so done. Im so exhausted , im so anxious and depressed. Ive just signed on for betterhelp some online counselling service. Its not just you, although why were you so cruel ? you knew what i was going through with my son, and you used the same ghosting to destroy me when you were bored or annoyed or fed up with me. You have done this so many times over the 4 years you have been chasing me. Like not turning up when you said you would and making it my fault that I wasnt psychic. Like not picking up the phone, not replying in good time, not making sure im ok, just doing your own things as if I didnt exist, except, when you felt like haivng me around. thats abues isnt it. One of the first times a couple of years ago, you held me in bed. it was so beautiful it became my special place. You knew about the traumas thefamily suffered, you pretended to be kind. But it was a ploy wasnt it? Your way of love bombing to get what you wanted. access to my crowd, my life the places I go to that you wanted to go, the people I know who you wanted to know. What is left now? I am almost always anxious. My nervous system is awful. Im depressed. i know I am. Im pretty hopeless. who would want to be around me? But my dear friend came round and let me cry in front of her. And my other son listened as I said Im in crisis. I have to let epople know who actually do care. Harry, Im trusting this process. its words like so many people have been here and got through. Its like a life line. Just got to get through. day 14. its the furthest ive got and Im going to do it. I really hope I will feel better. will my body ever stabilise again ? Ive got the issue of ghosting and estrangement form my eldest son to deal with too. So Im getting that extra therapy.

Instead: Sitting in the evening. Not sending it. About to contemplate making a list from the beginning of the breadcrumbs and the signs I missed because i didnt want to see them and I wanted to believe in love. Also acknowledging, I really have had a very tough ride. I dont want to just feel the fear and do it anyway any more. i really want to be free and happy at last

Annie 2, day 14

This is so cruel because you know my son estranged himself so you know I’m incredibly vulnerable to ghosting . When I let you back in in April it is because I thought you meant it she you said you’d reply always in good time because you were awful to me if you thought I’d sent you too many messages . I let you back in because you promised you’d reply in good time . Guys time you didn’t and you broke up with me because of the trauma response you know I have because of caring for my Husband . I’m vulnerable when I’m In relationship . You knew this but you not only ghosted but I came round to save our relationship and you literally turned your back on me in bed and refused to cuddle me or hold me and told me to go or sleep in the other room and you wouldn’t say if you were breaking up with me . Because of the dial pain of my son’s ghosting I gave lost all will to live . It’s too much to bear because I’ve only ever loved and supported you and him . Yes I go and do things but a life without reciprocal love from one vulnerable being to another isn’t worth living . Or that’s how it feels at the moment . For me I need only a little respect and to believe I’m Loved wanted and needed . I b don’t agree that this is anxious attachment but that the behaviour of ghosting makes one anxious . It’s unnatural . It feels demonic actually . I’m hanging on in there . But I had an anxiety dream last night about my son so I’ve sent him emails to beg him to desist . I watch the videos about adult child estrangements . I cannot go against my nature .. I cannot stop being the living partner and mother yet this behaviour you both exhibit is cruel . Thanks for this place. Maybe I should have written emails to my son here , but I sent them . 1@ years of his abusive ghosting Is enough . It has to be resolved . None of us know how long we have in life . All abuse like these two men is a ctinn m e against our lives imho . I am very broken

Instead: Sitting waiting for a plane and staying alive

Annies, day 11

yes. i am pretending you don't exist, which is why there is no communication between us. after what you did to me and my boys, i have zero respect for you. you are not a father. a father doesn't drag his 7-year-old son into his affair and then walk out on him. So no, I will not parent with you, I'd rather do it all on my own. I think that says alot. so yes. you don't exist anymore. that's how i get through my life you destroyed so you could join your fantasy family. And that's on you.

Instead: Put in music and started preparing supper for my son.

Trina, day 458

How could you say I'm the love of your life and spend years sending intimate photos and videos to women on the other side of the world. I thought we were healing and building. Instead you let me believe in us while you created a secret fantasy life with multiple women. Do you know how much that broke me? Do you even care? Now you pretend I don't exist while we still need to raise our daughter without scarring her for life.

E J, day 500

5 years of dealing with the impact of your choices: to leave, come back many times, start a long affair with a ‘friend’, sell our family home & buy a place for you 100miles from where the family and I live. You’ve told me you want to make this marriage work but when you’re here with me (and like a bloody fool I le you come) it’s like walking on eggshells… there is nothing left. You have taken it all. Another weekend spent on my own as you ‘had to get back’ (for what and to who?) Sundays are the worst - always used to be so busy with kids, roasts & family time. I see my friends (& strangers) having family time on Sundays and feel hollos, sad & invisible. Today is a grey Monday, I work for myself but can’t concentrate not because of you but wondering how I move on, imaging telling you what a selfish, self-obsessed & ultimately boring son of a bitch you are. But I don’t because I’m 62 and scared of being on my own & probably floored by depression, tiredness & sadness. You created a narrative to suit your choices. I have lost friends, a business and my sense of self … so much more to say but what’s the point? You don’t see, hear or understand because it’s now about you.

Instead: Went out and did some photocopying that I needed to do. Exciting!

Anonymous

Stop sending me messages that make out like we’re friends. You’ve blocked me on all your social media accounts so I can no longer see photos of our little boy so why would you pretend to be my friend. I hate you so much for blowing my life apart and for being the reason I can’t see my son every day. I wanted to hang on in case you changed your mind and came back but don’t worry I’ve got the message loud and clear now. Time to start working on getting over you, to stop loving you, to stop wondering what you’re doing, to stop wishing I was out on a family day with you and our son, because you’ve made your new family now. And I deserve to be happy, even if you don’t think so.

Instead: Raged inwardly, cried a bit then decided a need a new tattoo!

Anonymous, day 332

(Context: we met this summer and had a glorious love affair, we healed each other after terrible relationships with exes - I wanted kids, she didn’t. We agreed to not vocalise our feelings, until I did) You know I said it almost flippantly, off the cuff, aloof, but of course how could I not have meant it? Did it mean any less? Of course I do. How could I not? I know you do. Or at least, I know you did. I could see it in your eyes, in the way you purred back at me. Don’t think for a moment I don’t think about you, because I do. Literally all the time.

Instead: Cried. A lot. And then listened to the band we saw a bunch. Then went on a cycle

Anonymous, day 9

It’s been a month since our last text exchange. It was a logistics text about taking our daughter into town. Since April they’ve all been logistics texts. I’ve stopped showing you my emotions. After a year of wearing my heart on my sleeve, only to be met with cold indifference, I realised you didn’t care. And that hurts more than you walking away after 24 years together. For nearly quarter of a century you were the only life I knew and the only life I wanted. As difficult as things were towards the end, I never imagined a future without you by my side. You were my best friend. And now we don’t exist in each other’s worlds except for the tenuous link we have with our kids, who are both now old enough to make their own decisions and have established routines that don’t require us to contact each other. A month. It’s the longest time since our first date in May of 2001 that we haven’t seen, spoken to, or texted each other. That first date was a lifetime ago. I fell in love with you that night. And as much as I want to feel as indifferent to you as you do me, I’m still in love with you. But you know that. Given our recent exchanges, I’m sure you think I resent you, or hate you, and sometimes I do. But you know, deep down, that I’m as in love with you as I was the night we shared our first kiss. I can’t remember our last kiss. And if I knew it would be the last, I’d have etched that moment in my memory. Like I have our first. Perhaps one day I’ll find love again, but I’m not holding out any hope. Besides, I’m not sure I have the capacity to love anyone as much as I loved you, and I’m not sure I have the ability to mask how broken I am. Still. A year-and-a-half since you ended things between us, six months since I last showed you any vulnerability, and a month since we’ve communicated at all. You were my everything, and now I struggle to even remember your face. The face I looked at and adored for half my life. I wish I was still the man you wanted.

Instead: Went for a walk, cried at the top of a hill.

Anonymous, day 534

What actually was I to you? Someone you could message to share moments of intimacy, and humour and warmth with. But then it would vanish. And I’d wonder when / if I’d hear from you. No longer seeing each other at our kids’ school events, any real world connection disappeared, You told me nice things and it felt like ‘something’. But it never really happened. You told me how you went on dating sites - though it wasn’t for you. But because you didn’t like how it worked; nothing to do with me. I wondered why you never asked me out. When we had so much, and could have had so much more. I couldn’t ask you for fear of you saying no, and me losing what I had. I’ve lost it anyway. Because I needed to choose me when you didn’t.

Instead: Re-wrote my message multiple times. Then made dinner.

Anonymous, day 30

I want a day when I don’t think about you. As if it’s not enough that I think about you anyway, you pop up, online in mutual friends’ posts; or I see your likes (I no longer follow you, but I haven’t unfriended you (yet)). I see you comment in the kids’ football WhatsApp group we’re both in. Do I cross your mind at all?

Instead: Messaged a friend. Cried.

Anonymous, day 32

about to send an explanation of ptsd, (which I have) which you trigger when you don't respond to me, ie ghost me. Then you blame me for a very real physical response. Then you broke up with me. You believe it is not real and that i'm over reacting. However i think this is an excuse. You are avoidant and bored, so it is an excuse you give yourself so you are always in the right. But if I were obviously disabled, would you abuse that ? we are living in a world where poeple, like you, simply expect to be catered to in an unrealsitic entirety that includes your whims, and sadistic, lazy tendencies. you have been filled up with my love and joy, and now, like some uber priviledged kid, you are behaving spoiled. You are emotionally obese, having gorged on my love. and now, like a bulimic, you are vomiting it out , and down the toilet you flush me.

Instead: im very comfortable in bed, quite proud of my eloquence and considering becoming a very successful novellist . lol

annie s, day 2

I feel so sad, I gave you almost 30 years of my life, I now understand you didn’t ever really love me, I cannot believe I stayed in our marriage so long, put up with the violence and the abuse, you nearly destroyed me but I now see you for the pathetic, horrible little man you are. You gave me 3 beautiful children, for that I will be forever thankful but we deserve so much better than you!

Instead: Went to the gym and sweated out the rage and tears and hurt he caused.

Anonymous, day 91

34 years together and you never even told me you were unhappy. Now you can't even talk to me or look at me because you feel guilty. Somehow you are the victim? You destroyed me, you took the life we built from me, you redefined the definition of family without consulting me or our kids. Why does my chest still ache and the tears keep flowing? I don't even know this version of you. How sad.

Instead: Reminded myself that I deserve better, and that I am strong enough to survive this and that one day the tears will dry up.

Anonymous, day 429

I missed out on kids, marriage, and all the life experiences we were meant to have together because you consistently messed me about but kept me hooked with your carrot dangling antics of promising our future was always just around the next corner. Moving goalposts is your speciality. Promising the world and delivering nothing is your forte. And your trump card - playing the victim so I'd feel bad get back in my box. No matter what happened to me, you'd top trump me with your "Mummy didn't love me" carry on. GO.TO.THERAPY!!!!!!!! Plenty of people have had horrendous childhoods and brought significant trauma into adulthood, but choose NOT to he an evil prick and actually go and get the support and guidance they need. No matter how long it takes. Even life long. But you? Nah, just make everyone elses lives hell on earth instead. How many bridges have you got left to burn? Because one day you'll wake up and realise you're all alone. And it couldn't have happened to a more deserving person.

Instead: Spoke to friends who have no idea what's been happening to me all of these years

Anonymous

Things I won't miss, ever, in no particular order: * Your midlife crisis, that is actually, just your constant arrested development behaviour. * The humble brag. NOPE. * You were never wrong, and most of your opinions were hot air. * You "wouldn't eat fish" but would eat Scampi because it looked like chicken nuggets. * The way lies roll off your tongue. * Knowing exactly what sort of day I'd be having based on your first text. * You added salt to meals before you even tasted them. * Your ridiculous, massive soled brightttt white trainers that have probably been picked up in outer space. * Nobody cares what you drive. * Your beard dandruff - just use your products!! * You constantly stinking my bathroom out. * You thinking you were the superior cleaner - when you ran your finger over my oven hood I wanted to punch you. * Telling me how I felt. * You don't suit your motorbike, it isn't Sons of Anarchy. * Your emojis changed when you were cheating. * Your ridiculous glasses - you're not Heston Blumenthals and Ronnie Barkers love child. * Feeling the need to explain to me how to cut a roll, everytime, because "when I worked in catering" - in your teens, nobody cares. * Your incessant school stories - like Uncle Albert, "during the war" * You're over familiar with your school friends wives. It isn't acceptable. * Your ridiculously branded gym gear. * You emotionally incestuous relationship with your aunt.....bitty. * You think you're something special. * Making out you and your school friends are like Band of Brothers. Spare me. * You're condescending. * You're not Gordon Ramsey. * Do you ever turn the TV or radio off?????? * The way you'd puff yourself up and peacock in front of woman, who literally didn't notice. * Your faux smarmy charm. * You can't pretend to be cultured. * How you'd embarrass me to look good. * Your broken toes - they look like goats hooves. * Your finger nails are too long. * You walk like you were being chased - which bank did you rob. * You announce you're about to climax- errrr who needs to be told. * You go cross-eyed when you do. * Your higher pitched voice when speaking to women. * You taste in music is shocking. * The only time we went to a museum, you faux looked at the displays and I was so disappointed. * Your gaslighting. * You singing voice makes my innards cringe. * You'll only watch films about war and violence, or documentaries about "overcoming" - the broken warrior act is exhausting to behold. * You're scared of any animal larger than a golden retriever. * You have a complex about your long neck, but purposely stretch to look taller because of your complex about your height. * You're really NOT well endowed, and having to praise it was, well, not necessary. * You're a know all. * Your idea of foreplay was a kiss for four seconds. * Your financial coercion. * You kept every single one of your dogs alive too long, because you're selfish. Owning pets means doing right by them not you. * How easily you get bored. How many businesses does one person need in a lifetime. * You thought you were so cool bragging about your "sleeve" which 10 years later is only up to your elbow. * Your manipulation. * Thinking you were edgy mentioning that you were going to put your earring back in. Calm down Jack Sparrow. * You can't spell. * Your guilt trips. * How you wear the pointiest shoes you can find to make your feet look bigger - it isn't medieval times. * The fact you lend people money then rather than arrange or encourage repayment, you use it as leverage. * Your massive watches look like a child standing in their parents shoes. *You smug smile doesn't reach your eyes. * My pets started keeping their distance from you. * Skinny jeans. You're not Rod Stewart. * You're so emotionally stunted. * Your chip on the shoulder about not getting into the military. * You hijack situations to make out you're the saviour. * You're a jack of all trades but master of none. * You make absolutely everything about you. * Your constant, irritating, pathetic need for external validation. There's so much more! The things I will miss list is A LOT shorter. Funny that.

Instead: Tried to sleep

Anonymous

I miss you. I miss seeing you. But now our kids are at different schools, that’s done. I miss talking to you. Chatting online, we’ve been close. But I can no longer accept only that. It’s been a year. “If he wanted to, he would” - isn’t that what they say? I know it’s true. Though I wanted to hope. But you never asked me out. And I could never have asked you, for fear you’d say no. You dip in and out of this. Don’t message for weeks. For you it’s probably nothing. But it kills me every time. And I know at some point you’ll tell me you’re seeing someone. I can’t wait for that. So I need to step back. That hurts more than you will ever know.

Instead: Sent the silly messages I’d have sent to him to friends instead. Cried.

Anonymous, day 18