All of them

You left me for someone younger than our own daughter. I still can't say that out loud to anyone. It sounds mad even saying it to myself. Everyone at church keeps asking how I'm getting on, and I just say fine, coping, you know how it is. I don't think any of them would know what to say if I actually told them the truth. Some days I can barely get myself dressed. Other days I'm so angry I could scream, at my age, screaming like a teenager over a man. I keep thinking about everything we built together: this house, the children, all those holidays, and I don't understand how you can just walk away from all of it without so much as a second thought. I was the one who really raised them, while you got on with your career, and now, in the years I thought we'd finally get to enjoy together, you've gone and started all over again with someone who wasn't even born when we married. Susan is furious with you, more than I am some days. She keeps saying I should have left years ago, given how things were. Maybe she's right. Maybe I stayed out of habit more than anything, towards the end. I don't know how to be on my own at this age. I don't know what to do with a house this size by myself

Instead: Sat in the garden with a cup of tea and watched the birds for a while

Patricia · day 65

I never understood what you saw in me. You are tall, strong, smart, confident, funny, outgoing, you make friends everywhere you go, and you are objectively handsome. I could always see the stares and whispers, cause I am just plain old average me, nothing stunning. And yet, I left you. Not because I didn't love you. I did. 20 years later and I think I still do. I left because we were 17 and lived way too far to make it work. And you came back. Again, and again, and again. I feel like there is this invisible string that ties me to you forever through space and time and so it was natural, of course you came back. But when I stop to really think about why? It doesn't make any sense. Why would you want to keep coming back? You could have anyone. I have seen some of your exes and my god they are gorgeous. I am not. Why? I never asked you that. I didn't ask you that the last time when I probably hurt you enough to never reach out again. I was angry. I was hurt. I poured 15 years of hurt onto you. Every time you showed up and disappeared you took a part of me with you - but deep down I kept belonging to you. And honestly, it will never change. I want to tell you. I want to tell you I am sorry. I want to tell you I have and will always love you. I am not afraid of your rejection, more afraid to realize that the string tying me to you was never there for you. I am afraid to know I hurt you so deeply I can never come back from it. I just need you to know how you own a piece if my heart forever. How you come to me in my dreams and hold my hands in my rough times without ever being there. How you helped me survive a soul wrecking relationship and yet another rebuilding my whole life. How you are perfect in every way that counts and brave, so much braver than me, and that I hope you are happy. I hope what I said didn't actually hurt. I hope you never truly loved me because then I could never truly break you. Because if you did love me as much as I do you, then I ruined both of our chances for a true happy end and I cannot bear that weight. There won't be a time in my life when you won't live in the back of my mind. There won't be a time, when I stop wondering where you are in the world and if you found happiness. You live in my soul. I still sleep with the plushie you got me for my birthday. I still wear the ring on occasions. Because you showed me what love is and I never met anyone like you. I didn't even try. Never will. Love, T

Instead: Took a deep breath I tried to let it go for the millionth time

T · day 2738

Happy Birthday! I wish things could be different. I still miss you but know I’ve made the best decision to leave. I do hope you find happiness.

Instead: Did some practice breathing

Joanne · day 10

You were supposed to be the one who stayed

Instead: Spent the night with my best friend

Anonymous · day 47

you promised things you never had any intention of keeping

Instead: wrote a list of everything he'd promised me

Anonymous · day 5

I know nothing's happened between us and it probably shouldn't, but I look forward to seeing you at work more than I should admit

P

I keep thinking about our last conversation and how neither of us knew it was the last one at the time. If I'd known, I'd have said more, asked more, sat there a bit longer instead of rushing off like I always used to. I don't know if I'll ever get the chance to say any of this to you properly, so I'm just putting it here instead, hoping that counts for something even if you never see it.

Gina · day 85

we were best mates for fifteen years and you dropped me the second your new partner didn't like me

Anonymous

Forty years married and I found out you'd been writing her poetry. Actual poetry, in your own hand, tucked away where I wasn't meant to look. I never got so much as a proper card from you in all that time, and there you were writing her things I didn't know you had in you. I made you choose, and you chose me, and I told myself that was enough, that it should be enough. But I've spent two years now wondering if I just made you stay somewhere you didn't really want to be, and whether that's worse, actually, than if I'd just let you go and be happy with her instead. We don't talk about it. We've settled back into things, the way you do when you've been together this long, but I still find myself wondering some nights whether you ever really loved me the way you loved her, or whether I was just the one you felt obligated to. I don't regret keeping you, but I don't know if I did the right thing either

Instead: Made dinner

Margaret · day 730

I have sent it already this morning... :((( I didn't know about this yet. "Dadhugs" just told me... !!! It's a great idea, no doubt ! What I did, this "still trying something" kept me in chains all my life. Yet, I think this time it's maybe maybe maybe different. I have sent a message — but only for one type of thing. I'm not sending for all the rest. I'm remaining no contact. Still it has disturbed me very much. And I was feeling so so so unexpectedly well with the "NO CONTACT AT ALL". Having sent what I did, made me insecure, shaky... am I going to start thinking again? Will she make something worst now? Will she make something awful out of this message? Of course she will. They have always made something awful absolutely awful out of everything, all the positive things, all the love, all the care, all the attention, all the ripe, mature things I did — out of everything. Just misery, Just terror. Only absolute terror.

Instead: I can write what I'll do on. Don't think anymore about this, and go on with my life right now. TY you "Dadhugs" Sir. I'm unsure of your name right now. I'm gonna drink a coffee and go on with my work. I wish there had been just one single person in my life, just one, even from my family, like DADHUGS "guy". My whole life would have been utterly different, that's for sure!!!

M... · day 131

I have spent years under your thumb, you were my mum and supposed to be my protector, but I needed protecting from you! You literally conditioned me to be your puppet from a young age. Fight your battles, be the “fiery little f***” as you used to call me. You were my mum and I loved you, I’d have done anything and everything to protect you but you abused me and hurt me! I’m now suffering mental health issues because of YOU and I will now forever be this way…I’m now scared of my own shadow, you have ruined me beyond repair and I don’t know how to fix myself anymore!

Instead: Laid in bed and listened to music while crying

Anonymous · day 690

Your absence created this massive, terrifying void in my life, and initially, I tried to fill it with distractions. But eventually, I had to just sit in that empty space and face myself. In doing that, I have discovered a level of resilience, independence, and self-worth that I didn't know I possessed while we were together. Your departure forced me to grow up and stand on my own two feet, and I am genuinely starting to love the person I am building out of these ruins.

Anonymous

Choosing myself over our connection was the hardest but most necessary thing I have ever done. Walking away from you and choosing to stay away was the most excruciating decision I’ve ever had to make because every emotion I had wanted to stay. But I finally reached a point where I realised that loving you was costing me my own self-respect and peace of mind. I had to choose between saving our sinking ship or saving myself from drowning, and I chose myself. It hurts, but it was the right choice, and I am proud of my own strength.

Instead: Lifted weights, went on dates, texted mates

Hilary

Your silence now speaks volumes about how little you actually cared about my well-being it's your complete lack of effort to check on me, to apologise, or to see if I am even surviving this breakup tells me everything I ever need to know about you. You claimed you loved me, but true love doesn't just abandon someone in the dark and never look back. Your silence isn't just space; it is a loud, clear statement that you are completely fine without me, and that my absence has zero negative impact on your life.

Anonymous

I wanted to reach out, not to pull you back, but just to acknowledge a shift. For a long time, I felt like I was drowning in the aftermath of us. But lately, the air has gotten lighter. I am establishing new routines, redecorating my space, and finding joy in my own company again. It felt impossible for a while, but I am finally taking my life back into my own hands, and it feels incredible to realize that I am going to survive this and thrive on the other side.

Anonymous

I am so deeply sorry for my part in how things went wrong between us.Now that the emotional dust has settled and I have had time to look at everything objectively, I can see my own mistakes clearly. I am so deeply sorry for the ways I let you down, the times I let my ego get in the way, and the moments I didn't make you feel valued. I was dealing with my own unhealed baggage, and unfortunately, I projected a lot of that onto you. You didn't deserve the worst versions of me, and I will always carry the regret of hurting someone I loved so much.

Anonymous

For months you didn't even tell me you had a wife. Then I learned she existed and I was already attached to you. Why would you put me through all this knowing that she was always gonna be your only one? She deserves better and so do I.

Anonymous · day 11

Jupiter, the bringer of jollity — You knew I struggled to let people in, yet I trusted you, and you hurt me anyway. If I'd known back then that you were going to use me, lie to me and discard me like this, I never would have sent you that first email. I'll always love you, but I deserve better. — Neptune, the mystic

Anonymous · day 3

It is torturing me trying to figure out the exact moment you decided you didn't want me anymore.I keep replaying the timeline of our final weeks together, trying to pinpoint the exact moment your heart checked out. Was it during that one specific argument? Was it weeks before that? Were you looking at me, pretending everything was fine, while secretly planning your exit strategy? It tortures me to think that I was completely oblivious, deeply in love, and planning a future with someone who was already mentally halfway out the door.

Instead: shagged your friend

Anonymous

I am so angry that I am left picking up all the broken pieces of what you decided to destroy. I am furious that you got to just blow up our entire lives and walk away from the wreckage while I am left here doing the heavy lifting of cleaning it all up. You made the mess, but I am the one who has to do the therapy, I am the one who has to explain things to people, and I am the one crying myself to sleep. It feels incredibly unfair that the person who inflicted the trauma gets to walk away completely unbothered, while the person who gave nothing but love is left completely broken.

Instead: I don't even know - tried to live my life I suppose

mel

I saw something today that reminded me of you, and it hurt not being able to text you about it.It happened completely out of nowhere today. I was just going about my normal routine when I saw something that instantly brought me back to you. My first instinct, without even thinking, was to pull out my phone and text you about it, just like I used to do a million times before. Then reality set in, and I remembered that I can’t do that anymore. It is incredibly jarring to realize that the person I used to share every little mundane detail of my life with is now the person I can't talk to at all. The memory made me smile for a split second, but the silence that followed it just felt incredibly heavy and hollow.

Instead: Drove and drove and sat in a layby crying

lucie

You chose me so you could hurt me

Anonymous

I'm so sorry - are you ok? This must really be hurting you. I know how important she is to you and to lose her like this must be really hurting you. And I know what your response will be - Im guessing how unhinged you'll get now. But also - What the fuck do you expect?? She showed me your messages. What an absolute prick you were being. i dont blame her for a fucking millisecond. and what should my response be? half desperately keen to reach out to help you - and half fuck you what do you expect. you will never reconcile your words with your actions because your words arent your truth. You promised me one thing- and did another. You told me you wanted a "family" but what you ACTUALLY want - is not family friendly. Interesting dichotomy... good luck out there. I'm so sad for you that this is where you're at - that the person you replaced me with isn't actually supporting you and if this is their support - FUCK WOW ... It's interesting that the people who gave you the "family" that you so desperately wanted maintained relationships with your child (and not with you) and the people you wanted for yourself, that you still have around, dont care about that part of your life/ your child / have the same respect for what YOU described your dream as (and you know your child doesn't feel comfortable around them)

Instead: sent it to myself. cried. got counselling. took accountability for anything that wasn't quite right, and was just my emotions being protective of me. tried not to be so judgy remembering no one is perfect and tried to remind myself of the good things...

Anonymous · day 206

Hey Mike. Hope you remember my eyes and how you stole every ounce of happiness I had in them. Hope you wake up and realize what you did to someone who did nothing except fall for your lies…

Instead: Booked a trip

Dani · day 112

Why stay? Something was obviously missing if you needed to keep messaging me! Why stay? Public opinion? Safety in the familiar? Was I the lie or is she? Are you happy or do you miss me? Because I miss you… and I wasn’t lying….

Instead: Listens to “our playlist” and hoped I wouldn’t wake up

Anonymous · day 112

I wish I could tell you about my day. I wish I could tell you what’s going on. I wish I could see your smile that would make me smile. I haven’t smiled for real since that night.

Instead: Stared at a campfire. Tried to look at the stars but can’t stop remembering doing the same while talking to you.

Dani · day 111

I didn't want things to end today. I said I did but it was a flex. You are putting me in a tough spot making me choose between you and the platonic friends I'd known for a decade before I met you. Those people did nothing wrong and do not threaten our relationship. They don't deserve to be blocked. You blocked my number after promising we would never do that to each other. I want to choose you but you won't let me now. This relationship is the most important one of my life and it feels like you are making me end it when I don't want to. You are pushing me to leave. You leaving in the middle of my performance tonight broke my heart. I was there for you. I sang those songs for you. There was literally a minute left in that song and you couldn't wait for it to end to say goodbye. I love you always and forever. I don't want to let you go, but you leave me no choice. I'm blocked on socials and you blocked my phone number, so this will just have to reside in the aether.

Anonymous · day 1

I wish I didn’t still miss you. You are like chocolate - delicious and bad for me. So no more sweets. So I have not texted for 30 days after you broke your silence of a 100 days for a nanosecond, still things up and disappear again.

Anonymous · day 30

No offense, but if I knew then what I know now, I would have never replied! You never cared, but your words led me to believe otherwise, your actions showed me the truth though. I’m not going to waste another year of my life on empty promises, feeling unseen, kept at arms length and not included. I don’t know who you think you are, but I am not a maybe!

Instead: Got on with my life

Steph · day 365

I just don’t understand you. We had it all a small beautiful family and a home. We had years of happy memories. Then for some unknown reason you chose to have an affair and use meth. In that second of decision I wasn’t thought in your head I meant nothing to you. Our beautiful children meant nothing to you. You abandoned us without a backward glance all for absolutely nothing.

Instead: I grieved you like you died, because you did vi rebuilt the life you burned to the ground.

Anonymous

I can't love you anymore. It hurts too much.

Instead: Cried. Alone.

Anonymous · day 1

I'm so sorry for pressuring you. It was not right. I never should have treated you that way. I should have taken the hint and left you alone. My attention was unwelcome and i never even asked you in so many words if you wanted it. You told me with your actions and your endless procrastination that the answer was no, i just wasn't hearing you. I never meant to hurt you or make you feel unsafe. I am so sorry. I'm not upset with you. I know what your "I've been busy" means. I know what you can't say and i forgive you for not having the nerve to say it. I hope you are ok and i hope you fall in love with someone who sees you the way i saw you, as a beautiful soul deserving of all the love she can muster.

Anonymous · day 38

I want you To know you’re a monster. You lied to me about your dad Dying. He still writes for the paper he wrote a new blog today. Dead men don’t write daily blogs about a concert over the weekend that just happened. You proposed in front of the entire bar, made them video it, gave me a fake ring. Then pretended go back into the army only to pretend to come home 7 wks later. You didn’t even tell me you were coming home. I had to find out about your secret life from a bar patron that did a deep dive into your life without my knowledge and dumped all that she found on me while I was working. Was any of it real ?

Instead: Listened to amazing grace and sobbed on the edge of my bed.

Anonymous · day 15

I saw the panic in your eyes after you kissed me and I knew that you were about to run. I knew it all along, but I hoped. I hoped that you would want us enough to push through the fear and stay this time. If you would have let me, I swear I would have been something good that finally happened to you. God, I wish you would’ve let me.

Instead: Walked forever, cried, and quietly wished him well

Anonymous · day 26

You made me feel unimportant, just like everyone else did. Except you knew I'd already been hurt. I wanted you to choose m, I wanted to be worth the effort.

Instead: Drank.

Anonymous · day 35

One year has gone by and still you tell lies to your colleagues, especially the ones that know me, several of them tell me what you say, they tell me they know it's not true and are appalled by you. I thank them and ask them to tell you to stop talking about me. You didn't tell them what you said to me in those last hours. When my life was at its lowest. When you knew how I'd been treated in the past. You joined in to hurt me the most. Why are you still continuing to try and destroy me? Still You can't leave me alone, when you, discarded, me! You evil, sneering reprobate. I wish I could crush your soul like you did mine, but I, will never be, like you.

Instead: I cried. I cried like I was dying. Then I slept for 16 hours straight.

MissTreated · day 369

Sometimes I wonder how our life would look like if I never left…

Anonymous · day 2496

Why’d you have to come into my life and make me feel seen and special? Why did you have to send me things you knew would make me fall for you? Why did you have to lay on my chest and look me in the eyes and say “I’ve known you forever” ? And then one day never speak again. I miss you all the time. I don’t don’t recognize myself. I wish you’d left me alone… and at the same time want to remember every moment…

Instead: Drank too much and cried.

Anonymous · day 111

I wanted it to be you. For a brief few weeks, it was. Was it all a lie? Did I really just fall in love with a version of you I created in my head? Twenty years isn't nothing.

Instead: Simply resisted.

J · day 74

I miss you, I love you, I can't envisage life without you but we can't be together. It's so hard being no contact but it's for the best. I really thought we had a future. I'm slowly going out of my mind without you. Life is shit, the sun's gone and I just want to stay in bed every day crying. I don't even know if you feel the same...

Instead: Rage cleaned the bathroom for 4 hours

Anonymous · day 10

DEAR DENISE GET OUT MY LIFE

Instead: I laughed

Rob · day 15

I actually told my therapist the other day that if you came back to me, after leaving me yet again, I'd just take you back without bringing up what should be different this time in order to try again - knowing that convo would send you bolting immediately. I admitted that I'd be so relieved to just have 4 more months of good before you inevitably left me again. It feels pathetic, but it's true. I know you need to heal your past wounds in order to stop doing this to me, to us. And I know you haven't. But I wish you'd come back anyway and give us more time.

Anonymous · day 25

Your team are getting BEAT!! HAHA. Every time I hear that they are playing I hope they get beat. How petty of me. Appreciate our time and the lessons though 💅🏻

Instead: Went to bed with my hot water bottle.

TT · day 38

This is your “Beautiful Moon” alert.x

Instead: Looked at the moon by myself, knowing he’ll have seen it and thought of me too.

Anonymous · day 685

I hate that I keep trying. I always say I'm done, and then I try some more. I miss you more than I can express myself. I find myself wishing our son wasn't born so we would still have ourselves. Instead you poured your heart and soul into our baby boy and work and completely forgot about me. I feel hoepless and wonder if we will ever be ok again.

Instead: Nothing special, just surviving.

Anonymous · day 70

First time in six years. Six. Years. I allowed myself to fall for you. You wanted me. You embraced me, made my brain go silent and the chatter of the world dissappear. You held me so tight, as if you thought I'd dissolved in the thin air if you didn't. And then you just ... didn't want anything anyway. Just nothing. "I don't see a relationship" - just like that. And then, cold. Nothing. No explanation on how someone can want minute long embraces and mere hours later, its over. I hate that I still care. I feel so petty, wanting you to realise how much you want me after I've moved on and I no longer want you. I hope you feel this just half as much as I do.

Instead: Nothing. Didn't send anything.

C · day 20

I am really disappointed in how you turned into. I wanted you to grow. but not like this. I didn't fall in love with you just because you were beautiful. I fell in love with you because you were kind, you understood me when I'm low. you were there when I was about to give up. you were there when I needed a shoulder to cry on. you hugged me. you cared for me. I wanted you to grow. but not like this. you stopped caring. because of money. because of my financial status. you stopped caring. because I got fat. you stopped understanding. you stopped putting yourself in my own shoes. I was tired mentally and physically at work. My father had to fight cancer. I had to keep my parents afloat. i had to keep the household tied together. but instead of being there to support me. you despised me, you were disgusted of me. because I needed you to be there for me. you were disgusted because i've forgotten how to take care of myself so I could take care of my immediate family. you were disgusted because I was no longer physically attractive. I should've died 5 years ago because I couldn't take it anymore. But I didn't let go, because I still wanted a future with you and your son. I wanted to be the father that your son never had. I wanted you to grow. but not like this. A self-centered, uncaring, materialistic, narcissist. all because of money and looks. I wanted you to grow. But you've grown so much that you forgot what made you special.

Instead: Fed my cats, made a cup of latte.

Anonymous · day 2

I genuinely think you are the hottest person I have ever met. That goes beyond how insanely gorgeous your smile is, how soft your eyes are, and how the laugh lines on your face help to highlight your beauty when I make you laugh. Making you laugh is one of my favourite things. There have been times in our friendship that I have really questioned what this connection is - you’ve made me feel things that have long been buried and haven’t been allowed to surface. I want to reach out and touch you, kiss you, hold you, make you feel how you make me feel. I am scared to do so because I am confused about my sexuality and what I like, but I am also scared of it. Scared of how much I will like lying naked with you and feeling a new rhythm of love. Scared that it would jeopardize our standing in each other’s lives. Scared that you do not see me that way. The more we hangout, the more these feelings continue to grow. You find my goofiness endearing, encourage my playful heart, hold my worries and reflect back genuine feedback that makes me a better person. We’ve inspired each other to see life a little bit differently and we have grown a bond that to me is very special. What I do not know is if it is the same for you? Do you treat all of your friends this way? Have you thought about me the way I’ve thought about you? Have you imagined us?

Instead: Hung out with her dog

Anonymous

Forty years married and I found out you'd been writing her poetry. Actual poetry, in your own handwriting, tucked away where I wasn't meant to look. I never got so much as a proper card from you in all that time, and there you were writing her things I didn't know you had in you. I made you choose, and you chose me, and I told myself that was enough, that it should be enough. But I've spent two years now wondering if I just made you stay somewhere you didn't really want to be, and whether that's worse, actually, than if I'd just let you go and be happy with her instead. We don't talk about it. We've settled back into things, the way you do when you've been together this long, but I still find myself wondering some nights whether you ever really loved me the way you loved her, or whether I was just the one you felt obligated to. I don't regret keeping you exactly, but I don't know if I did the right thing either.

Instead: Made dinner

Margaret · day 730

I was going no contact then your son had a go at me and I had to tell you to tell him its your fault... I said come over and try to work it out and of course you didn't. I didn't send this but that is what happened so Im back to day one again

Instead: annoyed at myself , but resolving to start again, feeling the grief, ftelingthe burn remembering that if love burns bright then so does the pain of losing it.

Anonymous · day 1

Its funny; had a bit of a series of hard conversations with my boyfriend this weekend and realized through them that *this* is healthy. Its not confrontational, its not explosive, its just hard work aligning and realigning as we grow. My disregulation is mine to carry and my triggers are not his responsibility, but the sheer contrast between how secure i feel today versus how the sands beneath my feet gave way so often just a couple years ago? that’s on you. i don’t think about you often; i don’t want to. i want to continue healing, getting myself back, getting my power back, and rooting out all the little subtle compromises i made in my being to try to make you happy. It would never have succeeded, i know; i see now that narcissists can never be happy unless it comes standing on the pain they inflict around them. i wash my hands of you, but… i do wish i could show you that i am worth being happy and able again to achieve it. it took painful discussions and actual progress to see what a hamster wheel i was on when i was with you. it was never me.

Instead: kissed my puppy, laughed, made a lovely thai stir fry

Anonymous · day 750

You really let me down this time. I try to be understanding of you and your ways. Always accommodating you. This one time, I needed you to accommodate me and you couldn't do it. When it came to her being in this position, you did everything you could for her. But for me? There was little to no care. And the one event I asked you to go to with me, you went to with her and tried to hide it. That broke my heart and I had to pretend it was fine. I've been let down by so many people this weekend and you're the last person I thought I'd be let down by. It hurts.

Instead: Messaged a friend.

Anonymous

I hate you, i have hated you since it happened. I wih you wernt here, and i truly your diagnosis was a punishment sent from god.

Instead: Took her back :(

Anonymous · day 2252

I don’t understand how you could say everything you did and promise me all that you did, knowing everything I told you, and still do the one thing I told you I was scared of more than anything.

Instead: Repeated checked if he messaged

Anonymous

The night I asked you out, a year ago, was euphoric. We stood just gazing at each other, mad energy passing between us. I know you felt it too. But your life was a bin fire. Drugs, alcohol, divorce, a years long affair, and you kept it all from me. I know that if I'd allowed my self to get drawn in it would have destroyed me. I can't compete eith a 7 years and counting affair. But I can't get you out of me. It feels like we passed into each other's soul that night. I hope she's worth it. Will she ever leave him for you? Do you even want her to? Would you have carried on secretly seeing her if we had become anything, even though she's ruined your life? Maybe she's just another addiction for you. I curse the day your best friend moved into my building. I hate you. And I love you.

Instead: Deleted Instagram. Cried. Went for a run.

Kat · day 180

I’m left hurt and baffled by how you could be so dismissive of my emotions. I was try to update you about my day with my Dad who is terminally ill and you literally ignored me as if I didn’t speak. Then denied you did that shouting at me that you weren’t a miracle worker and couldn’t make my Dad ok. I wasn’t asking you to fix it I just need to share with you my feeling and care that I was losing my Dad. I wasn’t asking hurt and your response was to get all your stuff and leave. In so very hurt that you think it’s ok to treat me like this

Instead: Called a friend

Wendy · day 1

I really hope to god that one of your daughters never has to deal with a man like you. Think about that before you play with another woman's heart and soul.

Instead: Deleted his number. Unfollowed and unfriended on all my socials.

Anonymous · day 47

I keep pretending not to care when I see you with her, my heartaches badly... I wish you had chosen me over them, I still love you so much it hurts. I heard you've been telling our friends that you want us back, I want to come back to you, to us, but you haven't said anything directly, but I also know that you haven't changed, you're still the same person that hurt me, and showed no remorse while doing it... I still love you though

Instead: Switched off my phone and went to sleep...

Anonymous · day 94

Goodbye. I'm done being treated like an object. I served a purpose to you and our dehumanized me.

Anonymous · day 1

Why did you do that?

Anonymous · day 12

Completed on the house today. The house we were meant to be moving into together. I picked up the keys on my own, stood in the empty hallway for a bit before I even brought anything in, just tried to get my head round doing all this without you.

Instead: I'll be ordering a takeaway and sitting on the floor in the empty living room. My first meal in the new house

Anonymous

seven years and you still introduced me as your "friend" to people you'd just met

Alex · day 45

You don't really love me. I'm just an option, a back burner, while you try to heal. I'm convenient, that's why you keep me around.

Anonymous · day 150

I came out to my whole family for you and you couldn't even tell your mum we existed

Instead: went for a walk, needed fresh air

Mike · day 10

started smoking again after four years off it, not proud of that

Anonymous · day 22

had to tell my dad we're splitting up, hardest conversation I've had in years. He adored you

Anonymous · day 5

It's mad looking back at where I was this time last year compared to now. I'm actually happy. Not just telling everyone I was fine when I wasn't, like I used to. I'm seeing someone now who just does the little things without me even having to ask. Brings me a cup of tea in the morning, remembers stuff I only said once ages ago, actually listens when I'm talking instead of just waiting for his turn. Didn't even realise how much I'd got used to not having that until I had it again. Don't really think about you much these days, if I'm honest. Not saying that to be harsh, it's just how it is now. Used to think this would never go away. Guess a bit of it's still there but it's not this massive thing anymore. Just something that happened, that's all really. I hope you're doing alright too x

Instead: Nothing, I just got on with my evening

Fiona · day 210

Ghosted. Not once, 2x. I wasn’t supposed to fall for you, I know that. It was supposed to be simple. Then You pinky swore my heart was safe with you- in your hands. I thought it was real. And then you crushed it. You disappeared and crushed my already broken heart. We talked, you said you mishandled it… that you were still falling for me and that you were scared. You promised we’d figure it out. And now you’ve crushed my heart again. If I never believed anyone could love me before, that’s amplified now to unbearable levels because of you. You Being a coward. Taking the weakling’s way out. You couldn’t even say it face to face. So what’s the lie? The silence now? Or the pretty words you told me lying in my arms…? The worst part? I still care. I still want you. I dream about the times we were together, the things you said to me… I was so ready to hand over everything because I thought “FINALLY! A man I don’t have to beg to see me where I am” and I probably still would if you called… I know you won’t, tho.

Instead: Texted my best friend.

Anonymous · day 42

You got married before. I’m the one you won’t marry. I’ve done nothing wrong, but I’m paying for the wrongdoings of others. And I'm still the one who gets less of you because of them, but am meant to accept it because “it’s just a piece of paper”. If it was only that, you wouldn’t have done it before, would you.

Anonymous · day 2

I love you and want to build a future but I'm confused as to where I stand in regards your life. You and I have previous relationships and responsibilities but where is it going? Will we live apart forever, can I be happy with that?

Instead: I ignored it, I'm hoping time will tell

Jj · day 1

What breaks me the most is having lost all the good memories of you. What I remember is the words you never said, your coldness, the lack of empathy. All the love I had for you feels wasted, and I blamed myself for so long because of that. I have no wish for you, not even that you realise some day the pain you caused me. The only wish I have is that the thought of you might finally feel just like a ghost of the past soon so I can start living again.

Instead: Journaled, cried, read poems, listened to music, went to therapy.

Anonymous · day 660

You left, fine, I could probably have accepted that eventually if it was just about us. But you left them too, and they're four and six, they don't understand any of this, they just know daddy doesn't live here anymore and I don't know how to explain the rest of it to them because I don't fully understand it myself. Every night one of them asks when you're coming back and I have to find a different way to not answer that question properly, and it's exhausting, and it's not fair on them, none of this is fair on them. They still ask for you at bedtime some nights. I don't know what to do with that. I put on a brave face and read the story anyway, but I go and sit on the stairs after they're asleep and just sit there for a while. I don't think you understand what you actually walked away from, not me, I mean them, the two people who thought you were the whole world until you weren't around anymore. I hope wherever you are it was worth missing bedtime stories and school plays and every small thing you don't get to be part of now.

Instead: Sat on the stairs after the kids went to sleep

Anonymous · day 30

I keep thinking about the last time we were together, before you went back to him like you always did. You said it wasn't just physical, that you actually meant everything you said to me, and for a long time I believed you because I wanted to, because you were so convincing about it, about "soon" and "when the time's right" and "I just need to figure some things out first." Three years, that's how long soon took. Three years of hotel rooms and you cancelling on me whenever it clashed with something in your actual relationship, like your anniversary with him, and me pretending I was fine being the one nobody knew about. I think about what I actually gave up for you, time mostly, years of it, years I could have spent with someone who was actually free to choose me properly instead of just enjoying me on the side while going home to a whole life I was never going to be part of. I told myself I was different, that what we had was real in a way the others probably weren't, and I know now that's exactly what everyone in my position probably tells themselves, it's such a common thing to believe and I fell for it completely anyway. I miss you, I'm not going to pretend I don't. I miss the way things were when it was just us somewhere with no time limit hanging over it. I miss the sex, being wrapped up together with nowhere else to be for those few hours. I know I could easily find that again with someone else, it wouldn't take much, but it won't be like it was with you and I hate that. I don't need you to explain why you never left him, I think I already know, comfort, convenience, whatever it was, you chose it every single time and I let you get away with that for far too long. I wish I could say all of this to you but what's the point. I should move on, so I guess this is goodbye.

Instead: Finally deleted her number and bought myself the Ultimate 30-Day Breakup Recovery Pack. I need to move on with my life

Joe · day 140

Nobody ghosts accidentally. Nobody is incapable of finding 5 minutes out of a busy day to check in with someone they claimed to love. And for this to go on for an entire month, and NOT for the first time either, you know exactly what you're doing. The message is intentional, no response IS the response. You already knew how much the distance hurts me when you do it, you already knew I was in a fragile state mentally and emotionally, so for you to do this to me is either because you wanted to hurt me, or because you're actually involved emotionally with someone else.

Instead: Cried in bed until I fell asleep

Anonymous · day 31

I loved you. I know I wasn’t supposed to, I know it was wrong. I know you wanted something contained, and I couldn’t stick to that. I wanted you to choose me, like I would have chosen you. I was willing to blow up my life for you. I handed you the most vulnerable part of me, hoping that you would cherish it, let me in, but you didn’t. I loved you so much, I just wanted you to love me back.

Instead: Put my phone in another room

Anonymous · day 216

I'm so ashamed of how I lost myself to you, and how I let you. I'm so proud of how I stood up to you and reclaimed my life I nearly lost. I nearly lost everything. You really are disgusting and I feel sick at the thought of you and what you are capable of. You were jealous of my little children. What kind of adult does this?! You've since had a child and gotten married and I am befuddled at how she could possibly put up with you and your depravity, I wonder if you just used it on me. I struggle to understand. It plays on my mind. I worry for her. I wonder if she'll ever contact me and ask questions, to validate what she's now going through. What would I tell her. I'd tell her to run and don't look back. In the quiet moments, this always creeps in.

Instead: Escaped his house after he drugged me, screaming, drove home wild, cut off all contact. Got on with my life and made sure my children know they are the most important people in my life. Have the most wonderful husband who is kind and generous and gentle. Appreciate the little things.

Anonymous · day 1200

I miss you. I miss my best friend. I miss your arms around me, I even miss the mess you used to leave in your wake. But you broke my heart, our kids hearts...3 days christmas ffs! Our son used to say when hes a daddy he wont leave...hes 6. You left, you said you didnt love me anymore and hadn't for a long time. But you never left me alone. I tried to give you what you wanted, to let you go, I didnt contest the divorce when you filed despite it breaking my heart further. Then you came back, 3 months of back and forth, you say you want me, your feelings didnt change, but you over think and are forseeing problems and not even giving us a chance. You go mental when you think im on a date despite me saying i only want you, question me about a pair of jeans when you collect our son.....but you wont work with me. You imply that i have a revolving door of men as weight dropped off me due to stress and I apparently look like the girl you fell in love with again, but there's been no one but you. All I asked was that we spend time together and date and see how it goes. You said you think about me every day and always think what if....but you wont take that chance! You left me, smashed our world to smithereens, broke my heart and made me feel worthless and yet I would still try! But in 45 minutes the divorce is final....i cant keep fighting for someone who is fighting against me. Love you 3000 in every multiverse hitherto undreamt of Always

Instead: Went to work

Anonymous · day 246

I'm so desperately in love with you but one day you will choose drugs over me just like my father did. You're the only man who has ever made me feel safe. I don't know what I will do if I have to lose you.

Instead: Watered the plants

A · day 1

I miss you so much, I always think about you, i had to say don't contact me, but I wish you'd reach out.

Instead: I cried. I walked. I felt regretful.

Anonymous · day 21

Why didn't love me? I gave you everything. My heart, my soul, my body, my belief.

Anonymous · day 21

I'm tired of thinking about you who were never a match for me, only a good chameleon with a good sense of humour. I still adore the things you do, yet I know it was never about us being a good couple, but me recognising my pattern and you seeing that love doesn't have to hurt. I still miss you and I wish things were different and you weren't an alcoholic. I am so sorry we ever had to meet because this is a scar I am not proud of, and neither are you. "One last kiss, I love you like an alcoholic, one last kiss, I need you like I need an open head wound"

Instead: Sat down in my feelings, sometimes cried, sometimes went for a walk or stared into the wall.

Anonymous · day 58

I miss you. I miss seeing your name pop up on my screen. I miss the anticipation of that massive smile the moment you see me walk toward you. I miss feeling so held. I miss the way you’d try and dance me round the living room while I resisted as I don’t dance. I miss the laughter. I miss the daft face you did at me when I twitched my nose. I miss sitting and playing with your ring and stealing it off your thumb and putting it on mine. I miss that you encouraged me when I created, when I told you things I was doing. How proud you were of my small achievements. All this in just 2 months. How big could our life have been if we’d been on the same wavelength.

Anonymous

I wanted it to be you so bad. I wanted to be patient, wait for your feelings to catch up, I kept my hope up, waiting, hoping, that you eventually would feel for me what i felt for you. I had to leave, for me. But I will always wonder, did I give up too soon?

Instead: Kept living my life, workout, work. Etc

Anonymous · day 2

All you said to me was “wow.”. One word. Four characters. In 12 days since our breakup after almost 7 years. I know I had said I didn’t want to talk in person yet but that was because I was so absolutely hurt and shocked - I didn’t want to even think about the details, let alone look at you whilst doing so. I could not function and I could not eat. I was shaking for the first two days. But how have *you* had NOTHING to say? Is it because you have just happily slipped back into the life you never left? Why did you even do it if it meant absolutely nothing to you?

Instead: Cried.

Anonymous · day 14

I will not be here when you come back next time. you started by promising you would never hurt me and then you proceeded to break me into tiny little pieces and still i loved you and you kept breaking me and i tried to love you harder because i thought i was the one doing it wrong and then you put the last nail in that coffin - there is no coming back for me now. you knew who i was and I told you i couldn't cope with being broken again - and you broke me anyway...

Instead: listened to many hours of murder podcasts to drown out the voices in my head.

Anonymous · day 70

You have no idea what you lost - you're going to be very lonely. I knew i was too good for you...i didn't listen to my friends, my family, anyone and i should have. You've embarrassed me tbh. Anyway, I don't sit in anger too long, it's just hard not having replies and the decency it needs to give them isn't something you ever had.

Instead: Got a dad hug pack on nocontact and thought of your stupid face every time i wanted to break it

charlie

It’s so unfair as he was only saying about how he can’t wait to meet my kids. How he really cares for me. How he was worried about him getting hurt and now I’m the one getting hurt I just want to be someone’s everything

Anonymous · day 50

You chose her over us, your daughters. I hate that, after all these years, it still freaking hurts so much. You have missed out on so much with us and your grandkids. I love you always Dad, I just wish you felt the same

Instead: Moved on with life

Anonymous

I hate you. And I love you. I’ll always care about you. And I hate myself for still giving you that space in my heart. But I can’t not. The timing wasn’t right. The reality struck. Always something. We’re destined to always meet but never be. I’ve never loved someone how I love you. You disgust and disappoint me. I knew what would happen. But I let you back in to destroy me once again. Why couldn’t you ever talk to me. Why always ghosting. I hope she leaves the same way she came, on someone else’s dick. But before she does I hope she fucks up your head. Your wife left you for a reason. You’re a drug addict. Your kids aren’t super involved because you weren’t. Even still I want to have your babies. I want to marry you. I want to be yours. I know I deserve better. So thank you. Fuck you. Love ya bye.

Instead: Deleted it

Anonymous · day 94

I know you need space, and I’m respecting that, I still want you to understand that I care for you and value you as a person. My desire to tell you that I care does not outweigh your need for space. I am respecting the boundaries… Maybe I’ll never get to tell you this again, but whatever happens, I want you to be happy and have a good life.

Anonymous · day 3

Imagine if you’d just let it pass That’s the thing with people like you, you have no moral fibre. So when the urge comes, you follow it and you choose your gratification over decency. You have to learn, but it’s almost certainly too late for you now. You need to stop and think/ to think about consequences and how things feel to the people who love and care about you. I wonder if you ever will. I;ll never see you again and that’s sad. Never pull up to that grubby white front door, never laugh with you, sit in your lounge - walk into town with you. We lost the best friends we had because you couldn’t sit with it... just so sad.

Instead: Dating apps, didn't help

Helen

I hate you - it's taken me a long time to get here but I've finally done it. I hate you for every lie you told, every smile you faked, and every promise you broke. But I hate you the most for hurting my kids. You knew the hell we had been through and the terror we survived during my marriage- I fought like hell to create a new life for me and the kids. It was hard, but I managed to do it. And you know what? It was quiet. It was peaceful. It was predictable. You could have left us alone. You could have walked away knowing the monster that you truly are underneath. But you didn't. I let you in and you brought chaos, inconsistency, rage, and fear with you; all the demons I had fought so hard to get away from. I hate you. I wish I could walk away and say that I wish you well, but I don't. My only hope is that you do find a new partner - one more vile, cunning, and despicable than you are, and they finally give you the same disgusing treatment you gave us. I'm glad you're gone. And you know what? I have my life back. It's quiet. It's peaceful. It's predictable. It's CALM.

Instead: Went for a run.

Anonymous · day 430

I want you back, but I don’t want us to go back to the way we were. I want you to move on, but I never want to see you with someone else. I want to find someone else, but I’m terrified I’ll only think of you the whole time. I want you, but I don’t. But I do. And I think about you every day. And I’m sorry. And I hope some day you’ll forgive me.

Instead: Moved states

Anonymous · day 363

I miss the limerance. How fucked up is that? I wanted you to choose me. But you didn't even think I was an option.

Instead: Got over you

Anonymous · day 600

You told me that my anxiety was lying to me, but it was really you.

Jo · day 395

I would like to be graceful about this but I just can’t. Fuck you. I handed you my heart four times in 44 years and you mishandled it. Every. Single. Time. I know you will regret your decision in a week or a year or 10 and you will reach out. And I will let you convince me all over again that you mean it this time. I hate that I can’t stop loving you.

Instead: Got drunk

Anonymous · day 45

Yes, I will marry you, because you are my everything. Everything. Loved you from day 1, no matter how much we loved, and fought, and loved again, and fought so much about you returning to active duty. 14 years later, I still think about you, and love you, and I'm even sometimes a little mad at you for coming home in a box. Without ever giving you that answer, which would have been yes. Always, a yes, for you, my love.

Instead: I went to your funeral instead.

Kim · day 5078

I’m so mad at you. I TOLD you I so tired of feeling used. That people just want me for my body. And you did exactly that. You gained my trust and I let you in and you did something terrible and I was just a pawn in your game. You hurt so many people. And I feel guilty for hurting because I can’t begin to imagine how your wife feels. How dare you. Please, I just want to let go of this. I should’ve known better. I gave you access to me during the most vulnerable time of my life and you USED me. I TRUSTED you. FUCK YOU.

Anonymous · day 12

There are so many days and nights I wish I could call you. I remember being your little girl. When innocence was still truly innocence and I didn't see through to who you were. Maybe there'll always be a part of me that just wants her daddy to hold her again and maybe that's part of why I don't search for relationships anymore either. What should have been one of the foundations to life, crumbled. And maybe it'd be better if you were my first father, but you weren't. You were my 2nd. The one who claimed to have chosen me. But choosing me only lasted so long and the love you swore was there - well, it only held damage instead. I'll always love you dad. But we'll always be no contact now.

Instead: Took a deep breath, let the words flow, and sent it here. Instead of holding this inside for more years to come.

Anonymous · day 1279

You betrayed me. After 10 years of friendship, you broke my heart and left. We went through so much, helping each other through our most difficult years. Did you feel no remorse? Did I mean that little to you? I never would have treated you the way you treated me.

Anonymous · day 1222

It would be inappropriate to say I wish I was with you, wouldn't it?

Instead: Just didn’t hit send, it’s still sitting there, knowing he’s in bed sick today, but also suspecting he has someone new that he won’t admit to.

Anonymous

Why were the drugs more important than me?

T · day 30

You were the last person who held me. That was more than four years ago. One of the reasons it hurts so much that you took that away from me is because you were also the first person who held me. I'm still trying to find out how to meet that need in myself. I both hate and love you for that. Day 2 - Again again.

Instead: Cried. Wrapped myself up like a bug. Had a nap.

Grace · day 2

Your reverse discard was cruel. Your smear campaign is cruel. You can tell a lie more convincingly than I can tell the truth. You kept trying to convince me that you weren't cheating, wanting me to believe I was crazy. But here's the thing - just because I wouldn't tell you how I knew, didn't mean I was guessing. I would never burn down my life, my future, or lose my home on a guess. Moved her into my house right away, didn't you. But know this. You'll never be happy. You took everything from me that you could, but you don't know what to do with it. I'm getting stronger every day, reinventing myself, learning to love my life again, rising from the ashes. That's something you'll never do. If I cared, I'd feel sorry for you. You think I'll be back. Nah. I'm good.

Instead: I took the Dad Hugs no-contact course. Game changer! I cried, coughed, screamed, died a little. And I came out the other side. Stronger.

Anonymous · day 365

We see each other everywhere and pretend we don't. It hurts that we are just strangers who exist in the same city. I miss you more than you know.

Anonymous · day 236

I’m hoping I have learned not to obsess over someone who is nice to me. Literally it’s not you, it’s me. I confabulate things that aren’t there and my imagination creates a relationship where there absolutely is none.

Anonymous · day 30

I hate you but I love you. I want to talk to you but I can barely text you let alone speak. I want to hug you so badly but I can’t bear to look at you because of the pain. In your wedding speech you said that you’d married your best friend and soul mate, what happened to that!? I married you forever but you took it all away when you walked out. You didn’t just break my heart, you broke me as a person and every day I struggle to carry on but I have to for our child. I regret meeting you, I regret giving you so many years of my life and if I’d known that you wouldn’t be sticking around, I never would have had a baby with you. I hope one day you finally notice the hurt you caused by walking out to live a single life…not that you stayed single for long. Thanks for making me hate myself, thanks for taking away my confidence and trust, thanks for breaking our family, thanks for forcing our child to grow up in two separate households. I hope you never have to experience this pain for yourself.

Instead: Cried myself to sleep

Anonymous · day 184

Whose name do I write as my Next of Kin now?

Anonymous

After everything we've learned I cant believe you're choosing to act like a child. So much for friendship. Im flabbergasted really. But still, its your choice to act like an idiot. I hope your dog dies.

Instead: had a coffee

Mel · day 8

You possess nothing of substance both within and without, an energy leech who preys on the vulnerability of people like me. The realizations hit me real time and the fog lifted long before I turned my back, and even now I can attempt to pour out my heart as an attempt to humanize you... I was never miniscule, it was my presence, energy, essence and greatness that opened doors and spaces for you to walk in and display proudly everything you scream and shout and claim to possess and deserve... Everytime the mask slipped I noticed and heard it, your spirit snitched and I documented it in my mental archives because I had to love you until I couldn't anymore to free myself from the clutches of such a careless unworthy man. Have the life you deserve, with all those women who are about to realize that it was me they were drawn and addicted to because I intentionally and consistently stripped myself of me to engulf and cover you, while I try to search your empty crevices for evidence of any honour and dignity all the while sacrificing former sentiments that were on an inevitable path of disintegration anyway, my canvas is clean and ready for my next elevation, and I'm grateful your existence has no imprint in any shape or form on it. I'm so happy to be unshackled from this cycle, and never to be repeated patterns. May our paths never cross again, even as a refresher course in my journey!!!!!

Instead: I intentionally typed this message to myself as a final release of this bond, in knowing he knows what he's doing and I need to free myself.

Anonymous · day 127

You hit me, called me so many things while drinking. All for the morning to act like nothing happened. The messages sent to others and they took your side. Ill never understand it. You said it was because you were angry. But I never did anything to you. You still try to be scary and mean. You tey to intimidate me right before you are ready to leave. You lied so many time. And I still dont understand why.

Instead: Accepted ill never know why. That it probably isnt my fault like im being told.

Anonymous · day 1

I don't understand you at all. You pined for me for 20 years, I loved you in secret for those 20 years. We finally get a chance to be together, and you lied to me about everything, right down to hating Chinese food and your crazy ex girlfriend was actually a normal ex fiancé. You actively and continually tried to get back with her every day we were dating. You told me you loved me. You told me I was your soulmate. Your princess. Your dream woman. Your everything. And then you left, immediately. Just ghosted me. And when I show up to return your things 3 weeks later, you won't even talk to me, and instead call the cops on me for returning your things? It's been over a month since I've heard from you, a week and a half since you called the cops. I miss you. I still love you. And I shouldn't. You don't deserve me, my kindness, my love. Do you even miss me? Did you even love me at all?

Instead: Cried. A lot.

Anonymous · day 31

Hi [young woman my ex-husband had an affair with]. Just wondering how you are. I really hope - for your sake - that you are well and truly over [ex-husband]. He was just going to keep on playing you forever, like he did with me. Please don't waste 20 odd years on him like I did. In case you need any more convincing: he has been on Tinder for a while - at least since Feb 2022 (he was confronted by someone I know, during the week of your valentine's day hotel break and our wedding anniversary night in Feb 2022). He is still there, under a fake name but with his own photos, and now he's also on Plenty of Fish (at least since October). I believe he has been involved with other women this whole time you've known him and throughout our marriage too, by the looks of things. I can now see that he was never committed to a monogamous relationship and I doubt he ever will be. Since our separation I've been told stories about his behaviour with other women over the years that I wish I'd heard sooner. Then again, I may not have believed them at the time. He is pathological. I can promise you: one woman will never be enough for him. Please don't get me wrong - I certainly don't want him anymore and I'm not jealous of him, it's just that I'd hate to see you (or anyone else) getting as caught up in his lies as I did. How ever much he still tries to appeal to my softer side, I will never have him back. Please, please carry on with your life and make the most of your youth. We both deserve to be with someone who is worthy of it, someone who is honest and respects you, doesn't play games and won't manipulate or control you. You will not save him. You will not cure him. His problems are deep rooted and only he can save himself. I know he's good at getting us caught up in the drama and all the big emotions, saying all the words that seem so right in the moment as well as so generously paying for everything (even when he actually can't afford it!) and, my goodness, can he appeal to your caring nature... but when it comes down to it, there is nothing beyond all that. I really feel for you and I really really hope you have found your strength and moved on. Honestly, I wish all the best for you. I wish I'd found my strength much sooner - I can see it all clearly now and feel so much lighter. Sincerely [me].

Instead: Spoke to a friend who made me understand this woman wasn't for me to save and probably wouldn't believe me anyway.

Anonymous

Heey I thought of you these past few days. Especially from last Thursday when you snapped at me and apologized for it. You also said you were getting increasingly frustrated with me just sharing things I should be able to fix on my own and was thinking about leaving the relationship so that you could be alone. I processed all this and felt so terrible for the number of times I have overwhelmed you with such information. I love you Sisco. I truly do. However, I am sad that you always have this look of scorn and disgust for me. It's like I'm not man enough for you.

Instead: Texted "Are we okay??"

Erick · day 4

Every day I miss you and want a different ending. I think about you and I want to reach out to you. I still want you to choose me, show up and be there for me. I know it won’t happen and even if it did, I’m holding my boundary- you would still let me down, it’s been the one thing that you have done consistently. You were so careless with my heart and my feelings, I am worth so much more.

Instead: Reminded myself that he is probably drunk, with his new woman and is now her problem, not mine.

Anonymous · day 37

I understood you wanted no contact because you were so hurt that I ended things and I respected that. And now you say you are hurt and offended that I didn't reach out to see how you were doing. You elected to not contact me but instead sat in your hurt and despair, convinced I hate you for reasons you can't fathom. I don't hate you - only you have said that I hate you, often in the same breath admitting how you failed me as a partner. In light of the accusations, character assassination, and all that gaslighting - as it turns out, no contact was actually better FOR ME. It's not my job to manage your emotions. I don't have energy for you anymore. I'm going to protect my peace - that is what I have been doing for these past months and will continue to do. Please just move on and let me go.

Instead: Sat on the patio and felt the sun on my face. Then got back to work.

Anonymous · day 240

Why wasn't I worth more to you as your daughter? I did everything you asked and more. A good student, quiet at home as expected. Yes I made mistakes. I was a kid. But why did I become an afterthought? Why was I not good enough? Yes, I rebelled a bit but nothing more than other teens, and even when I did, I wasn't causing trouble. But you still got rid of me. And when I had kids, you didn't seem to care much. But boy, when my sibling had his kids, you were all over it. You ask me about them almost 10 times more than my own kids. Yeah, I've actually done the math in all the texts. So, me not being enough trickled to them for no reason other than you just don't care for us. Yet now I am the child you lean on, the one that you trust for things when you pass. And you know what? I still can't stop myself from trying to make you proud of me. But even when I got my college degree, while working full time and taking care of so many things, all I got was a response of. "Nice." Yeah, thanks. I'm the shit kid, and never will be good enough.

Instead: Erased it. Went to the garage and cried.

Jessica

I miss you, every single day. I miss the connection we had, and the secret things we shared together. I shouldn’t have, but my feelings went above and beyond what they should’ve been, and I’d like to think yours did too. But life happened for both of us. I remember everything we did together. I don’t regret any of it. I just wish it had started sooner and continued longer than it did.

Instead: I have mourned you every single day. I will never get over you.

Anonymous · day 99999

You kept putting it off. You dragged your heels. You were indecisive. And in doing so, you effectively killed something that could have been so beautiful for both of us. I was fully on board and ready. You made it clear that you were not. I’m not sorry that I apparently wasn’t what you wanted. I just wish you would’ve told me from the beginning so I could’ve passed on you instead of giving me false hope.

Instead: I chose someone else who WAS ready.

Anonymous · day 99

It is day five after our break up. We haven’t communicated in five days and yet we never went a day without speaking in five years. It is weird, unsettling, very sad and hard to bear. I have wanted to message you every single day. I want to message you tonight. I want to know you are ok. I want to tell you that I am not ok. But none of these messages would be helpful. And so I am typing this into the ether instead and praying that you are coping. I will go and have another cry now and get up and get on with life again tomorrow without you.

Instead: Went to bed early and cried.

Fiona · day 5

I had two reminders today. A new fidget, remember how much fun we had with those? And doughnuts from that fun shop we visited.

Instead: Pushed through this time.

Anonymous · day 75

I don’t know how my life works without you, even though our lives weren’t working together. You’re my person. I love you deeply. I don’t think that will ever change. I wish we could have held onto all the good things forever. My soul will always feel the loss.

Instead: I let myself cry

Anonymous · day 3

I feel completely shackled to you. I am hopelessly in love with you and you can affect my mood so easily. I know you don’t feel the intensity that I do and even if you did, you are so avoidant, you would never tell me. I want so much not to feel what I feel for you and I desperately want to let go. I don’t know where to go from here. So many wasted years, I want my and my life back.

Instead: I just didn’t send it, I never could

Anonymous

You’re not family anymore.

Instead: Sent it here. Thank you

J · day 8

Hey... Long time no chat. I know you asked that we break contact since you got married and your wife didn't feel comfortable with us being in contact due to our history. Kind of makes me wonder what you told her that a woman half way across the world saw me as a threat. But regardless, I honoured your wishes and still haven't broken it even though you got divorced. But my oh my, how many times I've wanted to reach out to you. Tell you that I miss you and I love you and I just hope you are living your happy life. And none of it is meant in a romantic way just by and by. You were such a dear, close friend. The person I figured was my soulmate in every sense. We had so much fun and adventures together. You were always there for me as I was for you. Sure, I might have weirded you out sometimes, but you used to like weird. You used to like me... Dare I say even truly loved me. I so wish I still had your friendship to cherish. Now all that's left are memories. I wish I could tell you about my family. How beautiful my children are and how amazing my husband is. I wish I could listen to how adorable your twins are. But wishes belong in fairy tales and our story was just never meant to be. So I'll keep our history safely locked away in my memory and if anyone should ever ask, I will smile and tell them you were a great guy for the small fleeting moment that I had you by my side. I love you still, always have and always will...

Instead: Closed this chapter of my life for good and spent time with my own little family.

Anonymous · day 3090

You think that I don't know you. But I knew you before I even met you. I always did. I know you from several lives. I wanted to choose you, but you didn't choose me this time. I still can't get rid of your shadow. I wish you felt the same. Cause I still feel...

Instead: Watching some series

Anonymous · day 91

I don’t think I’ll ever get over this. The person who would help me is the one who hurt me

Anonymous

know you are moving sometime this week. I’ve thought about reaching out about 100 times but something always stopped me. Probably the thought that you might not want me to; definitely the thought that you said you would always answer my call, but I don’t think that YOU would ever call ME. I don’t know if you would ever allow yourself to be that vulnerable with me, even if you wanted to. Maybe I shouldn’t be either, but the question you once asked me... “what did you lose by telling me?” …keeps echoing in my head. So, after 12+ years together and the last month apart, I realized I have nothing left to lose and need to be completely honest with my own heart before you leave. The thought of you moving away is incredibly hard. I love you. I miss you, and I don't want us to be over. I heard what you said about feeling hopeless, and like we can't be ourselves with each other. That hurts because it’s what I was working so hard to acknowledge and to change - for both of us - but l respect that it’s how you felt. I felt helpless quite a bit, but never hopeless. I believed, right up to that last day, that what we had was real and precious and worth working to keep. And, truth be told, my heart still holds out hope (perhaps foolishly) that with some time and perspective you might someday come to see a path forward and we might find our way back to each other. I won't push or keep texting you after this because I want to respect your space, and your move. But I needed you to know exactly where my heart stands before you go. And, if nothing else can ever be, I hope that we can one day be friends, because I can’t imagine a life without you in it. I love you, and I wish you nothing but the best.

Instead: I haven’t gotten past wanting to send it yet.

AM · day 28

I know I can't be with you but I don't know what to do with these feelings. I don't love him romantically, but I need him. I pledged myself to him, belong to him, I depend on him. So why do you set my heart on fire? why do we get along like we were meant for each other? I want you so badly, to fall deeply and securely in love with you. But I can't. I hate that I feel this way about you, I'm afraid that this will destroy our friendship. But it's killing me inside

Instead: came to this website

just an illusion, probably · day 3

I still remember the day you told me you would be my protector. And a year later, I’m still waiting for your protection. I guess I should’ve been smarter, seen more clearly - but man, did I love you, did I want it to be you so badly - did I wish so much for you be true to your word. I asked you for clarity the last time we spoke. And instead of offering me that, you just gave even more confusion - you wouldn’t choose to stay or to go - even though I kept telling you I’m hurting. And how pathetic am I… that I miss you.

Anonymous · day 8

It was bone deep the hurt that you hadn't contacted me in over a year and a half and there you were acting as if I was a complete stranger when I had to have a work meeting with you face to face that I did not want and had to keep my composure in. Then I later hear someone talking about me so I could overhear it at work where you had told them I kept msging you. Don't worry after I saw you and your red nose in person and heard what you said you won't hear or hopefully see me again.

Anonymous · day 500

I hate that you died. You left me, before we could repair the damage that had grown between us. I'm sorry I was so busy holding my family together and working a 40 hour week that I didn't see you distance yourself and realise that you were struggling and needed my help. I really really miss you, to my soul. I hate that you died.

Instead: Carried on, cooked tea.

Dee · day 364

I didn't do anything wrong but I would've done anything for you. You are the one who walked away and you broke that promise you made saying you'd always be here. You were only playing the part for 3 years! You used me and lied to me and expected me to still be there for you. You were NEVER there for me. I was there when you couldn't get sober. I was there when you fought with your family. I was there through all the bullshit at work. But when I told you I needed you, I got silence. I was so broken over you...especially since there was no closure. I've moved on after a long time of healing. Still, I'm hesitant to trust someone. But I hate that I still would do anything for you.

Instead: Put all of my love into a new friendship and started the process of my own healing

Anonymous · day 914

It kills me that I still care, after everything. You scared me. And somehow, it wasn't enough to make me stop.

Anonymous · day 150

You manipulated me, your covert narcissism was second to none.... I've escaped luckily... but what I hate the most and hate myself for... (and thankfully what you'll never know) is that I still want you back, you've broken me Mike, I'm broken... the ache in my heart it makes me feel sick... and also fuck you

Instead: Hung the washing out and breathed in the fresh air

Anonymous · day 54

I wish you had sought help. But since you didn't, I wish you'd had health insurance, and life insurance, or at least some sort of pile of important documents. I feel like those are pretty basic "responsible adult" things, especially when you have a child and a spouse.

Instead: Bought health insurance. Bought life insurance. Bought a prepaid and pre-planned funeral policy. Compiled a binder of all my policies and other important information.

Anonymous

you told your sister I was “a lot” and she told me, probably because she thought it was funny. five years. five years of me making the birthday cakes for your mother and remembering which of your colleagues you hated and driving to Bristol at half six in the morning because you would not get the train. a lot. fine. I was a lot. I was a lot of things you did not have to do and did not notice anyone doing. I dont want you back I want the five years back. I know thats not how it works. I keep asking anyway. anyway. hope the cake was nice this year.

Instead: Lifted heavy things

Pat

I have written this in my head about forty times, mostly at traffic lights, once in the Tesco car park with the shopping going soft in the boot. Every earlier version was angrier than this one. This one is just true. You did not leave in one go. That is the part I struggle to explain to people who want a clean story with a date attached to it. You left in small amounts over about two years, and I kept adjusting to the smaller amount of you that was left, and I got so good at adjusting that I stopped noticing there was hardly anything there to adjust to. When you finally said it out loud I felt something very close to relief, and then I felt ashamed of the relief, and then I spent the best part of a year telling myself the relief had been a trick my head played on me. I want you to know a few things, and the only reason I can write them down is that you are never going to read them. I was not difficult. I was tired. There is a difference, and you used to know the difference, back when you still bothered to look up when I came into a room. I asked for ordinary things. I asked you to tell me when something was wrong instead of going quiet for four days and leaving me to search the house for whatever I had done. I asked maybe three times a year, and every time you told me I was making something out of nothing, and I believed you, because believing you was cheaper than the alternative. The alternative was me at forty-seven, learning how to sleep in the middle of the bed. I do sleep now. It took much longer than anyone warned me it would, and it did not happen because I forgave you or understood you or made peace with any of it. It happened because my body eventually got bored of waiting for a door that was not going to open. I still hear a car slow down outside and something in my chest arrives before my brain does. That is getting rarer. I have stopped treating it as evidence of anything. The friends went in ways I did not expect. Two of them I would have bet money on, gone. One I barely knew turned up on a Tuesday with a lasagne and no questions, and she is the reason I got through February. I am not writing this to get an answer out of you. I know what the answer would be, because I have heard every version of it, delivered calmly, at a volume designed to make me sound hysterical for responding at all. I am writing it so that it lives somewhere other than the inside of my own head at eleven o'clock at night. You were not the love of my life. You were a long chapter, and I wrote a lot of it myself, and I am the one who gets to decide what it meant. I hope you are well. I hope it is nothing to do with me.

Instead: Began my real life I think. Let’s see

Emma · day 68

You robbed me of my youth. Of my smile. I’m so lost. I love you David

Anonymous

(Not sure if this is only for romantic relationships or any type but here goes nothing) You are absolutely suffocating and somehow never there both at the same time. To try to reach out to me so persistently even though ive made it thoroughly clear I don't want you around. To show up unannounced and basically demand my time and attention crossing any boundaries I have as if they don't exsist and be surprised when I lash out. To so thoroughly ignore my words and yet demand you have them at all. Why do my replies matter if you dont listen? I could tape a recorder to a wall and the result would be the same? Then to call me the heartless daughter to the few family members I still contact is rich. No contact and moving is the absolute best thing I ever have done for myself.

Instead: Stayed strong and did not react and message. Kept my no contact strong she does not deserve my time or reaction.

Anonymous

I just love you. I can't imagine anyone else for me and that's so awful. You literally ran away and left a gaping hole for me to step into and i'm still falling. You looked in my eyes and said you'd never leave me... it's just so cruel and sad and it doesn't feel like the person i knew you as. I don't wish you the best and I hate that because i used to be kind, you took that from me.

Instead: painted the bedroom, bought a new bed. Cried a bit, read a lot

kathy

Richard, in 22 years you never gave me a birthday card or an orgasm. I'm so sorry she left you a month after you left me - I wish she'd done it sooner. Enjoy learning to be an adult - stop begging to come back it's embarrassing for both of us. Do what your hairline did, step back.

Anonymous

date your mum, seriously that's what it felt like I was doing. you might as well

Instead: Learned to cook in tuscany. Slept with the chef guy - would recommend. Both

Natalie

I knew it was coming when we were out with rachel and you said 'I'm not good enough for you, you deserve better' and she looked at me with the most agreeing face I've ever seen. Wrap up in your red flags this winter babes

Instead: Living my best life - oh and bought the Lem from Nancy - check it out, it makes more than your cheeks wet.

Carys

Why aren't you embarrassed? Have you no shame? So much i want to say - Tomorrow I guess

Instead: Wrote a book!

Alice

Well, I'll never date a therapist again you're meant to help people with their issues, not try them out for yourself Rob. Are we just pretending you're fine and dandy still then? ok sure.

Instead: Went to therapy, ironically

jenna · day 6000

You need to change.. honestly what an awful way to go through life lying to yourself and everyone. It's kind of embarassing and the second hand shame is real. Your mum was right I knew she was trying to tell me something.

Instead: Did better

Annette

Your feet did stink. And you were shit in bed - my friends and I used to laugh about it. I can't believe I let someone as pathetic as you make me feel like the pathetic one.

Instead: Slept with 2 of your friends (also shit in bed)

Louise

What a shame - you had someone trying to love you and you couldn't let them, You really did miss out. What a shame

Instead: ate - a lot.

Rich

I just want my things back. You are the one that lied, cheated, and dumped me on a text less than two weeks. So try to treat me with some respect.

Anonymous

Why do I bother when you just hurt me? Why message and be left on read? Why tell me you want to be with me and then leave? What’s the point of trying when the outcome is always the same… You make plans then don’t show or even follow through. Why do I always fall for the lies. Why do I keep believing maybe this time it will be better. Maybe this guy will be different. Maybe if I change they will stay. It never happens. Never is different. Maybe I’m just better off alone…

Instead: Went to the beach and cried

Anonymous · day 10

The only thing I want to know is why? Why did you ghost me in the middle of my daughter’s cancer surgery? When I was the most vulnerable and scared and needed you so much? How does a decent person do something like that? It’s unimaginable. There is no excuse. I deserved to understand your decision.

Instead: Held back. Called a friend. Knowing he can’t explain this time. I am done.

Mary · day 8

All this time I thought you accepted me for who I am. I thought you weren't the same as the other people that puts physical appearance first before what's underneath. Right at the end, it felt like you were blaming me for how you ended up deciding how you should treat me. All I wanted, All I was asking for, and what I originally loved you for was to make me feel that I matter, that I am wanted, that I can be safe to show my insecurities. But in the end, my insecurities were the things you slowly hated about me. I supported you with all of what I was capable of, but you never supported me especially during my lowest of lows. You were always perfect in my eyes despite your own insecurities, but you despised my insecurities and my flaws. I gave you my all. but I got nothing in return.

Instead: Broke up with her.

Anonymous · day 1

You are the biggest hypocrite walking, hating people who lied to you in the past but thought it was ok to lie to me about a boundary I put in place, knowing how much it would hurt me. You have as much integrity about you as the people who you say you hate.

Instead: Did the jobs I thought I needed him for.

Denise · day 24

Hello if you are absolutely honest with yourself, you know  that you broke our marriage, and our family, because you found a way to save money quickly, on your own ,for a flat. Your values in this, or lack of them,  are absolutely abhorrent to me, they are reflections of your awful self esteem, how you treat people you see as available rather than outside of your grasp. Martin loved you and talked about him like he was shit on your shoe, he was the last person you would call when everybody else let you down. I should have realised then. You, a product of your emotionally handicapped family , unwittingly employ what is called 'DARVO' Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. This is your family pattern, circular arguments where no one takes responsibility and nothing is solved. Resent, blame, resent, blame.It was a mental abuse that I was too needy and fragile to either see or walk away from.My fault, my projection,  is that I wanted you, so much, to have capacities you simply didnt have. I wanted to be with someone who was intellectually and spiritually settled, and you weren't near any of that. That is very much on me. Now, I don't really, if I am honest, believe you have the capacity to engage me in a meaningful interaction, only the stilted small talk you use to regulate yourself. Which is of no interest to me.  There is a part of me, a small child-like part, that loves you and cannot and will not stop. That it is my damage, i understand that now. It is so dreadfully painful and misses you terribly everyday. So i can't do it for that reason as well.  I try to surround myself with decent people that are good for me.

Instead: wrote a tune

andrew

I hate that your actions have devastated our sons' lives and that you don't see this. When they tried to tell you, you were surprised. You have no understanding of the carnage and pain caused by your choices. You still refuse to hold accountability and continue to justify what you have done to help you sleep at night and live your new life. You are a supremely selfish man and a terrible father now - telling your sons they are just like you has caused them so much damage and hurt - they want to be anything but like you. I hope one day it will become clear that all of your terrible deeds have helped them in the long run to become happy, respectful, honourable, kind and caring men, living their lives with integrity. Right now they are really struggling - they have lost their role model of masculinity and their lovely family unit, their safe space in the world. I can't ever forgive you for what you have done. I hate that I hate you.

Instead: Cried. Put it down here. Went to cry at yoga for a change of scene.

L · day 1443

I wish you could understand how demeaning and hurtful it is to be made a promise in front of our friends and families (not one but TWICE) to love one another until death do us part but then you ask me to let you explore a relationship with another woman to see if it will work out. As your WIFE, I shouldn't have to be on the back burner to another relationship that you want to "test out" before you commit one way or the other.

Instead: I went to the aerial studio and worked on my Trapeze skills

GT · day 1512

I hate you. I hate everyday you made me stay with half promises and half truths and lies. I hate myself for being too naive, too in love, too vulnerable, but at least I know I was true to my feelings. You? you are a bad, BAD man, you took advantage of a beautiful young woman with no experience and lots of trust issues and turned her into a walking pile of rubble... Don't ever show up in front of me again, you make me physically sick.

Anonymous

I fell for you, and was more vulnerable with you than I've ever been with anyone. And then you expected me to drop my life gor your needs, over and over again, and the double standards were killing me. Needing to spend time working is an acceptable excuse for you, but not for me? And comparing me against people who have known you for years, but "I don't expect anything from you." You fight dirty. I dont know how this blew up into such a massive argument either, but I was trying to offer an olive branch, which you've rejected. Lmk if/when you'd like to actually "talk" about this. Feel free to call me if so. It's ok if not.

Instead: Fed, pet, and played with my cat

Anonymous · day 1

You came in like rain on a hot day. Saying all the right things and treating me the right way. Making me feel like a kid again. Until we got a little too close to being something. You got scared and pushed me away… never directly ; just by letting me down here and there. But then you’d come back, same as before. I’ve let it pass cause I was trying to give you time, to be understanding of your wounds. Didn’t want to be just another person letting you down… Now I’m letting you go. I won’t abandon myself again. Won’t let myself question my sanity or my worth because of your actions and decisions. Won’t blame myself for things that were always out of my control. Won’t settle for confusion and lack of consistency. So you can keep telling my brother how much you like me, how much you enjoy spending time with me, how amazing I am. That’s all you’re gonna get now ; glimpses of me caught through conversations with someone else. Don’t get me wrong, you’re a good person. But you’re lost and hurt. Hurt people hurt people. Please take care of yourself, learn to trust, work on communication and treat those wounds you’ve been hanging on to. I’m still wishing you the best, always

Instead: Wrote in my journal, sang at the top of my lungs, had a good cry (or 2), went for a run

A · day 14

I thought we were working it out, but you chose to sleep with someone else. It didn't "just happen" that doesn't "just happen." That is an actual choice. I was devastated when you told me, but I'm glad you told me. It took the death of hope to let you go. 10 years, 10 years of drugs, alcohol, pain, heartbreak, and all after that I still wanted you, I still wanted to be with you. I must be insane. Is that love? Or something else? If you're looking for the word that means caring about someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want no matter how much it destroys you, it's love. And when you love someone you just, you... you don't stop, ever. Even when people roll their eyes, and call you crazy. Even then. Especially then. You just- you don't give up. Because if I could just give up...if I could just, you know, take the whole world's advice and- and move on and find someone else, that wouldn't be love. That would be... that would be some other disposable thing that is not worth fighting for. - Ted Mosby Maybe I'm just insane. Or, what's the word, trauma bonded. Every day it gets easier, but i still care. And that is what hurts the most.

Anonymous · day 296

It was never fulfilling but I wanted it to be .constantly on edge because you never made me feel safe and secure and sure of you . And I didn’t like a lot of things about you but still wanted you to chose me fully .i went back to you last week but finally blocked you on Friday because nothing changed . I’m sad but it’s best for me

Anonymous

You’re now a stranger, a stranger that I shared every previous pain, every present happiness and every future hope with, and you had already said your goodbyes.

Instead: I took my dog for a walk.

Anonymous · day 42

Tony's birthday (I miss him so very much, he should still be here on this earth). I wrote you both a letter and burned it. Trying to move on. I bought 3 flowers today, a black one for Tony a blue one for you and a white one for me. I still hate this B. I still hate myself because I love you B. I am trying to do the ultimate sacrifice for you because of that love.

Instead: Burned the letters and cried

Anonymous · day 210

You told me for 19 years you would stay with me. When I broke, you said you loved me. When I thought I was getting fired, you said “no worries as long as we have each other we can conquer anything”. And now you say you never loved me in the 19 years we were together. 3 kids, moved 3 times, huge house, trying to give you everything you wanted, and now you say those weren’t things you wanted. I’m crushed beyond words. And what sucks so much is that if you told me tomorrow you were sorry and were speaking out of turn, I’d absolutely take your word for it. I’m such a wreck sitting here outside hoping you come out and say “let’s try one more time”. Instead you say “I have all kinds of guys bombarding me and I haven’t even put myself out there, I hate that for you”. I want to tell you you’re the worst thing to ever fucking happen to me, so you hurt 0.1% of how I’m hurting right now. But it would be a lie. Instead I’ll just sit here waiting to see if you come home.

Instead: Jumped on a conference call for work

Justin · day 2

I am not the person you decided I was. I never ever cheated, I wasn’t living a secret single life, I wasn’t having some sort of “weird secret relationship” with my exh. I wasn’t having utterly devoted to you. I ended up hiding my phone from You because I had reached out to friends and therapists about your behaviours and I was so scared of what you would do if you saw it. I was being told over and over again by everyone that you displayed sociopath and psychopath traits and that I was being emotionally and mentally abused. That’s why I was scared about you seeing my phone. I didn’t tell you if I ever saw my friends because I’d learnt that I would get some sort of punishment for it- an argument, a curt texting wishing me a good day and not wanting to speak or see me, or at worst disappearing for an extended time. So I began to hide my friendships too. I lived in fear of your reactions. Of course you would say I could see my friends, so whatever I wanted but I learned that if I did there was that price to pay. I was trapped in a no win situation. I’m not even sure if you realise that you did this. I was always scared of which version of you I’d wake up with in the morning. And it didn’t matter what I did, it was wrong. Cuddles? You wanted space and silence and I was being disrespectful for ignoring your needs. Silence and space? I was proving I didn’t love you and made you feel worthless because I “couldn’t wait to get away from you in the mornings”. And literally every aspect of my life became a double blind situation like this. Again I don’t know if it was deliberate or not but it broke me. Anyway. I just wanted to say I’m not the lying, cheating disloyalty person you made me into in your head. I only ever loved you. I still do. Because I also saw that funny, kind, loyal, articulate, clever, thoughtful, loving and beautiful woman who would appear often enough to keep me.

Instead: Made a cup of tea

Anonymous · day 205

I love you deeply, but you have crushed my heart and soul. I’ve realized that you would never have been happy, you critiqued the way I did everything. It wasn’t about getting me to grow and change for you, it was about feeling like you controlled somebody. And I think that realization hurts more than the break up.

Instead: I worked on music and spent time with my cats.

Trevor · day 60

You proposed to me with the most beautiful speech in front of my family. We had a son together. It was all a lie? Don’t think I just up and decided to leave. That was years in the making. The moment I left was me just realizing it really was all a lie. You spent more and more time away from home, less time with your child, you stopped time together for us completely. The writing was on the wall. How could you waste our lives like that? Especially after all the outs I gave you. I wrapped who I was in everything you are and lost myself. Now I see a broken man unwilling to fix his problems back in the same exact boat with a new wife and child. Same story. I feel so bad for them.

Instead: So without you I’ve grown and healed and become a person I am incredibly proud to be. Good thing you’re not here to ruin that.

Anonymous · day 1612

I wish you were mine. I want to be with you. I wish we could be together.

Instead: Cried. Wrote in my journal

Tavia · day 1826

A week ago I walked away from you (for the 2nd time in 5 months) and I still miss you desperately. I know that I have to let go of the dream of us having a life together because you chose someone else and now you're married. I was foolish to continue my involvement with you but it was so hard to ignore the last 13 years of being in love with you. I know in my head that God is protecting me by giving me the courage to remove you from my life, but my heart is breaking into so many pieces because you didn't choose me. It's just as it should be though. I know that if we were together you would still be the same lying, unfaithful deceiving person that you are, and the pain of being treated that way would be so much worse. So thank you for not trying to contact me as I requested. It's still hard to accept that I will never hear your voice or be in your presence again. It makes no sense why I miss you when I know that all I was to you was merely a woman who was a substitute therapist, a cheerleader, a lover, friend, and I gave you what you say you weren't getting at home. I know that's not true though, you used me and called it love. I hope you stop betraying your wife and either do the hard work to save your marriage or leave. Either way, please get some counseling for yourself so that you can stop the madness of searching for something to satisfy your unhealed shame and hurt. I needed to say these things to you one last time with a soft whispered prayer inside that I will have the strength to never speak to or see you again no matter the circumstances. Now I chose to love myself and will work on learning how to unlove you.

Instead: Had a good cry and then started my work day.

Anonymous · day 7

My world just shattered; your world stayed completely intact. I have been in agonising shock because seven years of my reality were rewritten in a single morning. The shock was so profound I felt sick and shaky and couldn’t eat for days. But for you, there is zero shock. You always knew you were lying to me. You always knew the lavish lifestyle, the anniversary trips, and your “former” domestic stability were still very real and current, and that you were not in any way interested in a future with me. You are not reeling from a revelation because you were the author of the illusion. I thought you were my hero and the universe had sent you to me to heal my wounds of the past. But you make those bad times seem like a walk in the park. I am so bereft as it feels like the man I loved never even existed. I see you every day at work and you look and sound and smell like him but you aren’t him. You are someone else. You belong to someone else. You used me. I simply don’t know who you are and that is what hurts most of all.

Instead: I asked Gemini what to do

Anonymous

I dreamt he came to me in a fit of passion, and even though my ❤️ yearned for that closeness again and my body responded to his masculine energy the way it always has, I had to put my hand on his chest and tell him "no" because we're not yet married and I've repented of fornication — and immediately woke to pray over my mind & body again. This is the exact boundary I've been holding in my conscious life since I felt convicted by God to STOP and WAIT, to give myself time to process & fully heal a lifetime built on "transactional sex" that left me hollow/apathetic/repulsed by the act of it, and "lust" is the root of so much division/pain in our relationship. He feels undesired/has lost his own desire for me (including his desire for us to remain engaged/get married). All I'm asking for is self-discipline and respect for my body/soul to DELAY our sexual gratification until it's safely held within the sanctity of our marriage bed. He knows how "good" it can be/has been before.. I just wish he could somehow understand & experience how much BETTER it will be when I feel like I'm no longer compromising my salvation/soul just to "keep the peace" between us by sleeping with him every time he prioritizes his lust-filled "high libido" over my entire wellbeing 😔🙌

Instead: Sung worship songs at the top of my lungs whilst taking a hot shower (what I like to call "at home baptism revival")

Katie · day 4

I miss you so much. You will always be the one I love. My therapist tells me it’s not love, it’s a deep rooted trauma bond from all the years of intermittent love bombing cycles in between the abuse and the ghosting. But I don’t believe her. I wish I could have you back, the Dr Jekyll part without the Miss Hyde. I wish you could be just that wonderful person you have me glimpses of and come back and tell me it’s all going to be ok and you still love me and we get our happy ever after.

Instead: Sanded some flooring.

Anonymous · day 205

I keep sitting here, stupidly. We've both admitted our feelings but your still looking for someone to love, with me right in front of you, you texting me dirty messages. Ill be just a fuck while you find someone else.

Instead: Erased it and went on

Anonymous · day 2

You were my her. I've loved you silently for years while you loved her out loud. She broke your heart. I picked up the pieces. I asked you to choose me because I would never do to you what she did. You said you didn't want anyone and wanted to be alone. But then you chose someone else. Now she's too much for you and you want an out. You wanted to be just friends but had no trouble using me for your pleasure the first chance you got. That was my stupidity for allowing you. Now it's all radio silence. Just like what she did to you. I love you. I would do anything for you. You only want me when you can use those things for your gain. You didn't break my heart. You didn't shatter it. You disintegrated it.

Instead: Kept living. Nothing else to do.

Anonymous · day 418

I still show you empathy even though I should be full of hatred. I tried to leave three times. It took me six years and I did it. You were heartbroken. You were sorry. You wanted to work it out. Go to therapy. But you had had your chance (three of them) and there was no way I was staying for another year. So you clung onto the smallest mistake and made it into an absolute horror show. The way you have treated me the last eighteen months has only shown me how right I was to leave. You have shown all of your true colours all over again, but this time, I was actually able to see them. I hope that our children see that one day. It makes me sick that they spend time with you, but I will never get in the way of that. I hope you know how much damage you cause when you spew your hatred of me onto them. They'll make up their own minds (or not). Every time you threaten me or my life - even after this much time has passed, just know that you are wasting your energy. You really don't understand how strong I am. I am so strong, that I still show you empathy instead of hatred. I hope you heal.

Instead: Continued to live my life and reclaim everything I gave away.

A · day 544

I want to run to you. I want to beg you to take me back. I need you now. I know I was the one who got scared and ended it. And I hurt you so badly you struggle to see your worth. You said we could be friends which cut worse than anything you’ve ever said.

Instead: I send daily motivational texts to him. Nothing more. I told him because I was the one to cut him down, it’s my job to help him see that it was never him. I want to say so much more, but each morning….i send 1 text.

Anonymous · day 7

I am so desperate to be in your arms that I'm trying to control every action and be a mastermind for your heart. I want to design the perfect snare so you never leave. But the truth? I just want to relinquish control and hope you still come towards me. I want the hope of it all. But I don't want to lose me in the game for a prize that doesn't feel earned. Like I used the cheat code to get you. Can you just take a little step towards me so I know I'm on the right path? Please?

Anonymous · day 1

You chose to walk away without explanation when I called you out on your behaviour towards me. Thank you for healing my wound of rejection, but never forget that you're a coward who was afraid of what real connection could look like. That it can have rupture and repair and accountability and changed behaviour. And love and still choosing each other in those moments of hard and painful honesty. You will never be loved for your honesty. Im glad ive worked through my lies I tell myself. Whats your excuse?

Instead: I logged off and went to bed at peace

Anonymous · day 44

I still have moments when I can’t believe that our 37 year love story ended the way it did. I was ready to forgive you for everything and try again, because you meant that much to me. All you had to do was put me above your ego, your need to be seen as the good guy. I thought our history, our friendship, and the fact that we were each other’s first love would have meant more to you than your pride, because it definitely did to me. Just over a year later and I still feel our connection, despite having not spoken. I have found a way to move on and find happiness on my own. I’ve grown and learned so much about myself, about the value of standing up for my wants and needs instead of staying silent just to keep someone. I’m back to being the strong, outspoken girl dragon who first caught your eye when we were 10, and again 35 years later, but I still can’t get over the loss of the greatest love of my life or the hope that you’ll fix this. I guess hope is the hardest thing to let go of. Oh how I wish I could though.

Instead: Put my phone down and went back to wood burning a lion.

Anonymous · day 379

I thought you were a genuine guy... Looks like you're like this with every single woman. You go above and beyond for women you find attractive. I feel extremely foolish for getting into a relationship with you and then now finding out you were actively flirting with your physio therapist initials A.H buying her treats and saying how beautiful of a heart she had and you were sooooo happy to talk to her ect. That time you were iffy about coming to see me at my work, and ended up showing up... I thought you put in all that work to look nice for me, knowing it was just because you were going to see her really shows me alot about your so called integrity. "You're just trying to figure out if I want to be with her or you" remember when you said that to me? You literally told on yourself. I matter. I'm worthy of love. Going forward I'll save all of my time, effort, and love for someone who actually deserves it.

Instead: Sat on my couch and talked to my dad's urn

Anonymous · day 1

What you said to me just a couple of days after my mother died broke something inside of me. On that day when I was already hurting, I lost my father and sister, too. I will never recover from that. I can’t just let it go. You crushed the heart of your daughter. And I’ll never be the same. You were hurting too - but that’s no excuse.

Instead: Months of therapy. Wrote down all the stories that haunt my memories.

Anonymous · day 159

I'm sorry I ruined it all by thinking I could do what I knew I couldn't and shouldn't and now it's all so awkward and I miss your messages. I miss being wanted.

Instead: Replay the kiss over and over and over in my head

Anonymous · day 3

I just want you to want me. To pick me like I picked you. I want you to be the one that I pour my love into. But you choose freedom over giving us a second chance. You’re my soulmate. I have felt it since the moment we met 18 years ago, and I still know it now. 11 years between us should only give us more to talk about as we get to know each other again. But I’m not what you want. You didn’t grow, you only regressed into yourself. But for the last 11 years you’re always on my mind. I just want you, but you won’t choose me. So today I’ll start again trying to move on. I tried to reconnect and you pushed me away again, so I get it. I need more than you want to give me. My brain accepts it, but will my heart ever get it?

Instead: Trying to ignore the pain by doing chores and playing mindless phone games.

Anonymous · day 1

I’m so so so sorry that I inconvenienced you by falling for you. You were the first person who made me feel wanted and special and alive during and after the divorce and I loved you for that, so much. But when I saw your picture on Facebook on another trip I wasn’t invited on, after you told me you were sick, something broke. I wish you the best, but I’m not reaching out. And if you text me right now, I’ll answer.

Anonymous

As you know, actions speak louder than words. These are not the actions of a man who says words like “reconciliation” or “I want to be with you” while severely emotionally pressuring me almost every day for 3 weeks after the separation to agree to come back. These are not the actions of a man who wants nothing more than truly work on themselves and getting someone back. These are the actions of an unhealed boy with low self esteem, lack of personal integrity and an excessive need for external validation, as long as they’re still seen as the good guy from the outside, instead of turning inwards to address their own stuff, and show up as an emotionally mature and loyal partner. “I never delete apps” - technicallythetruth my ass. For all I know you’ve been active on there all the time that we’ve been together. I trusted you wholeheartedly, never checked your phone or invaded your privacy. Whether you actually physically cheated on me or not, does not even matter anymore but it surely would explain why you didn’t want to touch me anymore since last year. I am also not your backup option in case no one better comes along. I am done with your recurring disrespectful and cunning behaviour, and we are done for good. I want personal integrity, authenticity, loyalty, kindness, empathy and honesty from a potential partner, and you fail these basic expectations by a mile. Just like you repeatedly made it very clear that I fail your expectations in regard to fashion, vanity, attractiveness and organization of my own (!) house. All your pretty words mean nothing to me, your actions gave me closure. This is inexcusable behaviour. This is my final message. Do not contact me again in any way, shape or form and stay away from me.

Instead: Nothing. Didn’t send, didn’t confront, didn’t engage, didn’t give any reaction anymore other than factual logistics.

K

It's not at all what you thought - I wasn't a cheating wife. I was a divorced woman still trapped by a controlling and frighteningly intelligent and cunning ex husband. But control always looks better when it's dressed up as care... When I tried to clear him out of my life once and for all, he brought down a hell upon me that I cannot describe - all without raising his hand. I only just survived - he told me several times it would be better if I didn't... I am so sorry - I had to let you go in order to save myself. I know that was confusing and unexpected and I never intended to hurt you and I am so sorry that I did. Please know that our time was the happiest I have ever been. I still think about some of our funny moments, and moments where we really connected - on a thousand layers as you so eloquently observed. I miss you every minute of every day. Not a day has passed when I have not said good morning and good night to you, where I have not spoken to you in my mind, or whispered your name when I am alone. I hope that one day we get the chance to sit and talk, to clear the air, and I hope that through that, you will understand and forgive me for the pain that I brought you. As I look up to the bright stars tonight, I hope that you also look upon the stars and that that fleetingly we are connected. Please know that I have learned to find happiness and that I have found a way to be safe and to be OK. One day, hopefully, I will find the way back to the true lightness and freedom and joy that we had. With much love and every wish that you have found happiness and love ♥️

Instead: I woke up and decided that I would survive

Anonymous · day 1095

I loved you so much, for so long. Why did you have to cheat with him? Why did you have to say you get bored with your relationships? Why did you have to cry out for him while you were in my arms? Why did you never make me the birthday cake you promised? Why did you promise me a life to build that you never wanted to build? Why did you say you always wanted to leave people better than when you found them only to break me after seven years? I still love you. But I don't know if you were ever good for me.

Instead: Ignored them

Anonymous · day 85

You treat me like shit and yet I still stay. I wish I could find the courage to leave. Having to see you in a house that no longer feels like ours is killing me.

Instead: Stood in the shower a lot longer than I needed to, just to have a minute where he wasn't around

Hannah

I haven't felt the type of home I did with you anywhere. I know that we could've worked and been happy,I've not known anything with any type of certainty since. You took my whimsy with,may it be your guiding light and may you find the type of happiness one can't put into words. I love you always

Instead: Put down the wine glass and went out

A · day 182

I feel sad when I'm around you. I don't want to feel sad in my own home. I don't know how to be happy sometimes.

Instead: Went to sleep

Anonymous · day 1

We can't do the friendship thing. Friendship is too hard with you because I know what I'm looking for in life and I'm always going to be hopeful for more from you and I've realised that's not something I can dull or switch off when it comes to you. I can't pretend you didn't have me at "hello"! I know you don't know what you want but I think if you actually wanted to, you'd make a little space in your life for me, and it's ok that you can't meet me where I'm at. It's hard for me to say goodbye to this because when we talk I hear your heart, I know what you have to offer and I want it, but I want all of it - the reduced capacity you're able to give me right now, it's too hard on my heart. I can't be a maybe, I need to be a f yes. So, it must be a no. Because you're my kryptonite. I'm drawn to you in ways that are inexplicable. Every cell of my being believes you're simply perfect. On my subconscious love blueprint you light up every pathway. Which is why I hope to never cross paths with you again. Recovering from you is a pain I don't ever want to experience again. You're a beautiful man and a wonderful father. And I know you'll sit in that spot and you'll read this message 1000 times over and at the end, every time, know this - I love you, just as you are. To me, you are perfection.

Instead: Cried. Felt it, again. Reminded myself I'm worthy. Breathed.

Anonymous · day 28

I want a chance to get to know you for real. I know how it feels when we are close, but I don't know what is really there between us. I want us to take a chance to find out, because at this point I'm not afraid of getting it wrong and maybe getting hurt in the process. I want to experience this with you. These feelings that we share, because I know you care for me too, need to go somewhere. I think it would hurt more, and for longer, if I had to wake up in a year, two, five... and still wonder what could have been. That's an ache I don't want to live with.

Instead: I reasoned, maybe illogically, that we are both still not ready to take that journey. But I'm still afraid of missing the window of opportunity that we seem to have now. Nope, the timing isn't quite right. But is it ever? We are physically closer than we have been in decades; we find ourselves single again after 30 years... And as if I'm stuck in a loop, I want to send the message, yet don't. Again and again.

Anonymous

I dont know how you can do this. Throw me away and replace me emidietly whith a younger woman, the "friend i didn't have to worry about". Like our 20+ years ment nothing. Like our wonderfull kids mean nothing. But her kid is oh so important. You are replacing us with a new less complicated family. You are leaving the fucking country for them! What about our kids? How can you just leave? But i'll show you. I can do this alone! I can provide for my wonderful kids. I can be both a mom and a dad! I can love them so much that your betrayal doesen't hurt so much. I am not the weak, uncapable, angsty woman you think i am. I have grown so much since you left. I have found a strenght within me I did not know I had. So fuck you!

Instead: Took a deep breath. Looked at my little ones and really focused on that we are a strong family, we have eachother and for them i'll do anything. For them I CAN do anything. Its his fucking loss.

Anonymous · day 416

Everyone keeps showing me I dont matter. Ignoring things I say because they dont want to deal with it or its not the conversation at hand. I'm tired of being the only force keeping me alive. I dont want someone to fix it because it cant be, I have to fix it. But couldn't someone help me hold it?

Anonymous · day 10000

I chose you. You chose someone else. That broke me. Life carried on for you. Life imploded for me. Now we are strangers with memories. Talking with you each day made me happy. Now our language is silence. You dispose of our friendship in pursuit of your new happiness. I still think of you everyday. Slowly I have had to let go of something we never had. Part of me will always love you. I hope you are living a full life, full of love and happiness. I’m doing that too.

Instead: Repeated to myself “he’s not the friend or man I thought he was” as I went to the gym to make my body hurt so my mind didn’t have to.

Anonymous · day 179

I love you...and I know you don't feel the same. What kills me is how you can be so intimate with me, talk everyday, and then not have feelings. I'm heartbroken. Intellectually I know it's your issue, not mine. You not being able to love me is not a reflection of my value as a person. It's about your capacity. But it still hurts. And I dread the silence that will come when I stop reaching out and stop chasing you. I know it's what's best for me, but it's hard. I deserve to be someone's first thought when they wake up, the person they want to call when something happens in their day, the person that is considered as they go about their life. That's what I want and that's what I deserve. I know you were meant to be my lesson, not my person. But our time together meant something to me. And I'm going to tell myself that it meant something to you too, mainly because I have no desire to dislike you for being a jerk. Take care.

Instead: went to work

Anonymous · day 1

I cannot move on, I love you and loved you so much it physically hurts to be here now. I didn't want to end the relationship but I couldn't go on how it was. I just wanted the basics of a relationship, the effort for yourself even more than for me. I wanted you to look after yourself and to actually step into your life and your future. I didn't want to carry all the weight of the relationship, I couldn't. I was breaking. I am standing in the ruins of our shared future absolutely lost and broken. Nobody is you. I cannot move forwards without you. Please fix yourself and reach out to me.

Instead: Did some admin.

Anonymous · day 402

We spent 5 beautiful days together. You kissed me and said you loved me back but when I got off the plane back home, you went quiet and suddenly w’ere back to where we started. Breadcrumbs with a “good morning” message but nothing else! No one is that busy! If you wanted to, you would. You have in the past!

Anonymous · day 3

I don’t forgive you. I know I’m supposed to, that’s what they all say isn’t it? Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. Well, I don’t. I never will. You knew what you were doing, you knew what it was doing to me, and you carried on anyway. You don’t get forgiveness, I don’t need to give it to you to move on from what you did. Perhaps the rapidly increasing circle of former friends who don’t want anything more to do with you after observing your behaviour (in the face of my total silence) would give you a clue that what you did wasn’t OK, but somehow I doubt it. Moving your new girlfriend into spaces we still share showed them just who you are - spiteful, mean, and selfish. She’s welcome to you, and good luck to her. I’m done, and better off without you.

Instead: Worked a bit, drank coffee,

Anonymous · day 693