How to stop mothering your ex-husband
8 October 2026 · first published in The i Paper
Women are still parenting men who discover a complete lack of competence in mid-life
My close friend’s husband betrayed her in plain sight. It turned out he’d been seeing her friend behind her back for almost a decade. More than just a sexual affair, less than a full relationship. When she found out, he cried. A full tantrum, in front of her, reverting to a 10-year-old boy.
Then, once he had left, and been predictably and summarily dumped by her friend and most of his own, my friend was overcome with her own anxiety. Is he OK? Can he pay the bills? Is he eating properly? Her main fears weren’t for herself or her own situation at all. As usual, she was last on the list. That image of him sobbing on the floor, doing that deep, juddering, trying-to-catch-his-breath thing, stayed with her, and came into focus every time she worried about his welfare.
Now, it would be easy to say this was her issue: her anxiety, her mothering, her need to fill the role of mum in the relationship. Easy, that is, until you hear the next part.